To feel bitter towards DB & parents over inheritance.

[BitBitter]

So my DM was left an inheritance by an aunt of £150,000. My parents are both 65+ and have always lived in rented accommodation. They wanted to purchase a flat. The did not have enough to buy a 2 bed flat in our area even with their savings added. They could have afforded a one bed flat, but I was told "but where would your brother live?

My DB is 45, still lives at home. He has no SN or medical issues (apart from being a lazy git). He never lifts a finger to help around the house. When my father was ill, he didn't help in any way or form. All his previous jobs have been as a result of myself or DM getting him interviews at places we already worked. He was made redundant a few years ago and couldn't be bothered to look for work, therefore he didn't sign on and lived off his savings for 2 years. He eventually got a job after my DM found him one where she works.

As my parents could not get a mortgage they signed all the money over to DB. He took out the mortgage and a loan for the £70,000 remaining on the house. He thinks he'll have paid it off in 5 years.

My Great aunts will stated all the inheritance was to go to DM. However if she outlived her it was to be split equally between me & my brother. I can't help but think if she knew DM was going to do this she would have named me separately for a small sum. I have 2 children under 10 she adored and she often talked of helping us out when she'd gone. .

I am glad DM is still around to receive it. I know it is her money to do as she wishes. But I‘m hurt that she didn't think it necessary to give any future provision for me. We still have a mortgage we'll be paying off for the next 20 years. None of the plans were discussed with me, I was just told that's what they were doing. When I asked if they were planning to gift anything to me or the children so we could put it towards a holiday etc, I was told there was none spare. Yet my father bought a brand new car when there was nothing wrong with the old one. Oh and finally when I queried the fact DB would profit greatly whilst I wouldn't I was told "well you've had free childcare as I've looked after your kids when you've gone to work, Your brother's got no kids (yet) so yours will get the flat eventually".

So hit me MN‘s, AIBU to be bitter that my DB will have a flat worth £270,000+ and I won't receive a single penny.

Yes
Exactly
It's not the money
It's the lies/dishonesty/lack of thought

But I do think your mum is correct to mention the amount of childcare she's given you. This was equally as much help to you as the property will be to your brother

Does two days a week up to age five then another day or two a week after school really add up to the equivelant of £150,000? Even if you assume the op’s parents were charging a commercial rate.

Your parents have been very stupid, they have literally given all their cash, AND borrowed money they can't afford to borrow to your DB.

Yes, you have every right to be bitter, but I am doubtful that you have any recourse. It might be worth looking at putting a charge on the property for 50%, but I'm not sure you even have that avenue tbh.

In fact they could put it in your name but give him a life interest in it so that he can live in it until he dies. But he wouldn't be able to spend that share unless the executor agreed. So he could move house if agreed but he couldn't then spend your share of any money released. The state couldn't get any of this money either as you would own it not your brother (assuming your parents are no longer alive and care home depriving assets are a thing of the past)

Sorry or they could put 50% or whatever in their name and will their share to you - giving him a life interest. This would guarantee him a home for his lifetime but you are not cut out of everything.

I don't think it's a simple situation really.

I know on mn parents would just say "sorry son you've lived with us for 40 years, now we've come into a bit of money so you're on your own" but that's not really going to work.

Maybe the parents wanted a bit more space than a 1 bed house for lots of reasons.
It sounds like that wouldn't have got a mortgage for a 2 bed house, so they needed the ds to take on that, so in that way he's done them a bit of a favour.

Where's the extra £50K come from too? IS that your dbros?

In this area some company is doing a deal where they own certain houses and you pay according to how old you are. So if you're 50yo you pay much more than if you're 80yo. But when you die then the house goes back to the property of the company.
I'm uncomfortable with this as a concept, but people are buying into it.

It's probably too late now, but foolish on their part not to have sought better legal advice, I'm sure there were fairer and more futureproof ways of going about this ...

Could they not have bought the flat with your brother, thus keeping their share and protecting their lump sum/equity even if he defaulted on his mortgage part etc... And still have assets in their name to leave as a will?

Also (God forbid) either of them needed residential care in the next 7y, the local authority could take the money back from your brother to pay for it.

If it is all done and dusted now, I suppose all you can do is try to make peace with it, and try to believe that they feel it is fairness rather than favouritism. (And hope that nothing changes that sees your brother selling up or evicting them!?)

I doubt I will get any inheritance of any kind. However, I would be upset. It sounds as though your parents have shown massive favouritism towards your irresponsible brother. I understand it was for their convenience but it still seems unfair. I would tell them how you are feeling.

I don't really understand how they've been able to do this - isn't there a limit on the amount of money you can gift someone in a year?

The way it seems to me is that your parents have gifted their inheritance of £150k, their savings, plus whatever the loan is your mother has taken out (at least £10k) to your brother by putting him on the deeds.

Beyond any question of fairness to you (which I agree is outrageous) they or potentially your brother are surely going to be hit with a huge tax bill for this?

I have a feeling that more men than women are happy to be looked after by their mums as adults?

I have just googled some figures, and you are right. ONS statistic for 2015 show twice as many 34-year-old men as 34-year-old women living with parents.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/datasets/youngadultslivingwiththeirparents

I suspect that far more women than men are being financially supported by an opposite sex partner though, so I suspect the above statistic just reflects the fact that it is easier for a woman who doesn't want to work to persuade a man of similar age to take care of her than it is for such a man to persuade a woman. Having said that, I'd expect that on average in those relationships the non-earning partner is contributing more in non-financial ways to the relationship than those who stay with parents.

It’s a terrible way for your parents to treat you and demonstrate such favoritism towards your brother.
But.
If I understand this correctly and your parents home is in your brothers name, they had better hope he will honour the living arrangements for the rest of their lives.

Your brother's got no kids (yet) so yours will get the flat eventually

Do they really think this will happen? So they don't get that it's your brother's flat now and he can do whatever he wants with it?

I think that your brother and parents could very well end up in a bit of bother with the taxman (but, depends on laws where you are I suppose).

By the way, don't mention to him that if they need care it could potentially be clawed back from him if they investigate their assets. It's unlikely, but possible that he might try and hide the fact that they need care when the time comes if he's afraid that he might end up footing the bill.

Sounds like you should take your hurt out of the situation for now and make them realise what a vulnerable position they've put themselves in financially and that it doesn't need to be the case.
They don't know what their future care needs are going to be, or if this flat is suitable for them forever - and that living with your db may not always meet their needs.
Difficult to know how to phrase it without completely alienating your db, but it isn't about him either just nobody thinking it through.

and yes, throw in the tax implications too of handing over more than the annual tax free allowance to your db in one go.

You need to leave it now, it's done.

In fact they could put it in your name but give him a life interest in it so that he can live in it until he dies.

THEY can't do ANYTHING now... it's all down to DB and he doesn't have to do anything. It's not actually in his best interests to do anything either...

"As my parents could not get a mortgage they signed all the money over to DB. "

That doesn't really make any sense, does it?

They didn't have to do that for him to get a mortgage?

Maybe he insisted or maybe they wanted to?

I doubt that they were advised to do it that way.

Your parents have put themselves in a ridiculous position. if they fall out with your brother he could ask them to leave they have absolutely no security of tenure.

they have upset you, their daughter.

I would be really clear with them. tell them that you are upset. lay out the tax implications. lay out to them and your brother that he is now responsible for their future care.

and then stand back and leave it alone. there is nothing you can do about it now. he owns the flat and that's that.

make sure that you stick to your guns because I guarantee that at some point either Mr feckless will find a partner that he wants to move in and will want your parents out or they will need some sort of care/support as they get older.

Katharina Yes, they really do

diddl, My DB is not a high earner, there is no way he could have afforded a mortgage without the money from my parents.

Re: Tax, We are in a crown dependency so have our own tax laws, but I will advise them to check this.

"there is no way he could have afforded a mortgage without the money from my parents. "

No, but they could have kept in interest in the property iyswim.

If it is all in his name, are they relying on his goodwill to remain there?

If this was the only way they could buy their property then I can see why they did. Far better to invest in that and have security than to waste it on holidays.

The money was left to your mum. If your aunt had wanted it to go to you for a holiday then she would have willed it to you direct.

They are helping your brother with a place to live, they helped you with childcare. They helped where needed. You didn't need a roof over your head but instead needed practical help.

But they could have bought a 1 bed on their own paid outright
Total security, yet they chose not to. Sadly you're not going to be able to do much
But I really think you should all sit down as a family and come up with a plan for them in their later years. They might not want to think about it now, but I get the feeling they will happily bury their heads in the sand

Apart from the fact that was a rotten trick on their part without taking into account you and your children, what would they do if he ends up meeting someone and throws them out to a care home? They haven't thought this through at all and I would be extremely hurt if that was me - all should be equal between you and your brother and they should understand that as parents

They should have bought a one bedroomed flat. Utterly divisive and hurtful