To feel bitter towards DB & parents over inheritance.

[BitBitter]

So my DM was left an inheritance by an aunt of £150,000. My parents are both 65+ and have always lived in rented accommodation. They wanted to purchase a flat. The did not have enough to buy a 2 bed flat in our area even with their savings added. They could have afforded a one bed flat, but I was told "but where would your brother live?

My DB is 45, still lives at home. He has no SN or medical issues (apart from being a lazy git). He never lifts a finger to help around the house. When my father was ill, he didn't help in any way or form. All his previous jobs have been as a result of myself or DM getting him interviews at places we already worked. He was made redundant a few years ago and couldn't be bothered to look for work, therefore he didn't sign on and lived off his savings for 2 years. He eventually got a job after my DM found him one where she works.

As my parents could not get a mortgage they signed all the money over to DB. He took out the mortgage and a loan for the £70,000 remaining on the house. He thinks he'll have paid it off in 5 years.

My Great aunts will stated all the inheritance was to go to DM. However if she outlived her it was to be split equally between me & my brother. I can't help but think if she knew DM was going to do this she would have named me separately for a small sum. I have 2 children under 10 she adored and she often talked of helping us out when she'd gone. .

I am glad DM is still around to receive it. I know it is her money to do as she wishes. But I‘m hurt that she didn't think it necessary to give any future provision for me. We still have a mortgage we'll be paying off for the next 20 years. None of the plans were discussed with me, I was just told that's what they were doing. When I asked if they were planning to gift anything to me or the children so we could put it towards a holiday etc, I was told there was none spare. Yet my father bought a brand new car when there was nothing wrong with the old one. Oh and finally when I queried the fact DB would profit greatly whilst I wouldn't I was told "well you've had free childcare as I've looked after your kids when you've gone to work, Your brother's got no kids (yet) so yours will get the flat eventually".

So hit me MN‘s, AIBU to be bitter that my DB will have a flat worth £270,000+ and I won't receive a single penny.

In all this have you raised this with your parents?

I would be very hurt in these circumstances.

I would have to say it to my parents - just that you are hurt by the utter favouring of one child over another.

It is all very well to say db now has the responsibility for elderly parents - but how will that work if he just doesn't do it - puts them in a nursing home/neglects care. OP is still a daughter, I doubt she could stand by. Your parents have been quite unfair to you OP and I think you are going to have to figure out a way to absorb this and live with it. Personally I would have to simply say it to them how hurt I was. after that, not sure what you can do - as someone said that ship has probably sailed.

so your dm received an inheritance of £150k

your db took out a loan of £70k to buy the flat

the flat bought is worth £270k (doesn't add up, are you projecting future value? didn't your df buy a car with the inheritance too? savings?)

would you be happy with your dm putting in her will that you're entitled to £75k? That could be the answer? Your db could take out a second mortgage to buy you out?

Of course your parents may need care/support in their old age and the flat may need to be remortgaged to pay for that, doesn't sound like your db is going to step up to that.

The money has already been signed over to my brother. The flat sale has gone through and they are currently moving in. My parents deaths would have no effect on the property ownership as DB is the sole owner. I doubt my parents will have wills as they no longer have any assets.
With regards to legal advice, another family member (with no conflicting interests) provided it (I spoke with them recently). They did raise some of these concerns but my parents ploughed on regardless.
As they have already handed the money over to him, I assume it would now be too late to start adding legal contracts about what he does with his own property?

it might be worth speaking to your mother about a will - she could leave the property in trust for your brother with the remainder to your children after his death - Ive seen this before and it seems fairer

The brother already owns the property. It's too late for that.

OP I can certainly understand why you're hurt, anyone would be. And I would feel free to recuse yourself from helping your parents and brother and caring for them as they age. But seeing as this is effectively done, I would do your best to remind yourself of what you have that your brother doesn't. Your brother is wasting his life stagnating away being looked after by his mummy, helpless and pathetic. You have a family, you have accomplishments, pride, a partner. You've put yourself out there in the world and made something of yourself, made your own way, something he never has. His life sounds pretty sad without any real fulfilment tbh.

In my case there is no way my brother would look after my patents if needed.

I bet your DP's will also continue to pay a chunk of mortgage loan and your DB's living expenses too.

*parents

I do get why you’re feeling aggrieved, OP, it’s grossly unfair. But there’s little you can do about it now, just hope that your DB follows your parents’ wishes and leaves the property to your DC in his will. I think he probably will as from what you’ve said he doesn’t really sound like he’ll think of not doing what his mummy advises, he’s too lazy to think of an alternative way of handling it.

I also understand why you’re annoyed about the car!

I've just told my mother I'm no longer willing to be her POA
She has lied repeatedly to me re money and it turns out that in 4 years she has spent/given away £130k (full disclosure £10k of that was to me. My 2 siblings got the same)
She's just given my brother £10k towards a house deposit. I knew she had but she lied to my face about it 3 times.
I can't help or advise someone who isnt honest with me and I'm simply not prepared to clean up the mess she leaves behind :(

...shes got £9k left
She could live another 20 years.
It's a mess :(

I think I would be more worried about your parents. They should have got proper legal advice and are now vulnerable.

I don't think the issue is actually with inheritance. That is a potential future issue. The issue now is the way the conveyancing has been done on the property that has put your parents at risk.

Why didn't they buy the flat as tenants in common? Your dps owning one half to will as they wish (to you) and and db the other half.

I think they know your db is feckless and are providing for his future. They don't worry so much about you which is both good and bad. Maybe this is why they've done what they have.

I'd be hurt too though.

Looks like brother has it sown up.

I get your point ( I really do ) but bottom line is that the Money is not yours and never was and I think you should put it well behind you or you'll be consumed by it.

I bet they signed away their rights when he got the mortgage as mortgage companies don't like sitting 'tenants.'

I bet he has interest only mortgage and squirrelled away some of the cash that he's using to pay it & is not paying much at all.

Property will appreciate in value to his benefit

If they need residential home L/A will ask where the money went but i guess you cannot be penalised for being a bit foolish.

He clearly has not discussed with you what will happen with the money in the future and as such intends to keep it.

Ship is mid Atlantic without a radio.

Take comfort from the fact he is obviously a knob. Parents may outlive him of course who can say.

They added their savings to the £150k which must have been £50k which added to a £70k mortgage totals £270k.

In that case OP all you can do is hope for your parents sake they don't come to regret this.

Your brother is wasting his life stagnating away being looked after by his mummy, helpless and pathetic. You have a family, you have accomplishments, pride, a partner. You've put yourself out there in the world and made something of yourself, made your own way, something he never has. His life sounds pretty sad without any real fulfilment tbh

I have to say I always feel slightly sorry for those who can never break free. One of my parents had difficulty maintaining adult relationships and so turned to me and my sibling (though disproportionately to me). One or both of us always had to be there but my parent would never ever admit this and dressed it up as they were looking after me or my sibling when actually we were providing something emotionally for them and they really couldn't let us go. At the moment my sibling is a lot like your brother.

I think I would be much more jealous of your life but having said this I also completely understand your bitterness as favourites are played in my family too and I find myself feeling resentful over my sibling as the one who lives with our parent gets more. So I do get how painful and upsetting this is.

If they need care within 7 years off this gift then they could be chased for depriving the state of assets. Unlikely but could happen.

It was a bit foolish of your parents to allow your brother to have this house completely in his name. If he decides to evict them then he can. I don't think there's very much you can do about the situation as it stands now. This may have been done to avoid care home fees in the future.

You'd be reasonable to refuse to carry on with the POA. Let your brother sort it out. If your parents want to sell up and buy a different property in the years to come then they can't. It is a bit of a mess.

I would feel hurt by this too, your parents have been a bit stupid though putting the roof over their heads in your brothers hands. He could make them homeless, intentionally or through recklessness and where will they be then!

It's a very big, very unfair thing to do. Awful.

Your DP would not have had to hand the money over to DB for him to get a mortgage, either.

What makes the whole fiasco worse is that it's pretty obvious your parents have backed the wrong horse and are going to need bailing at some point. Also a huge sum, I should think. Who will that fall to?

It's going to be difficult to talk to DP about this whole issue. But the very least you must do is lay down the practicalities. Don't mention the favourite child thing, too emotional and it won't compute with them anyway, they're too far gone.

Explain to DP they won't be able to come to you for 'help' if anything 'might go wrong' and they must cover their living arrangements using the inheritance, which they are well able to do with a lawyer. Tell them to see a lawyer, and keep pushing that as 'sadly we can't rescue you'.

I'd be horrified if this happened to me - it's huge, unkind and bloody stupid behaviour.

OP.understand the' bit bitter' as you feel Aunt's promise to you has been broken,

Do not under estimate the worry a beloved broken winged adult child can be to ageing parents.Tick tock,,,what will happen to him...a roof at least..

They probably thank God that you are OK...life is not fair and they are playing the cards dealt.

it might be worth speaking to your mother about a will - she could leave the property in trust for your brother with the remainder to your children after his death - Ive seen this before and it seems fairer

She can't, she doesn't own the property.

NoCamp I am assuming the rest was made up with savings from my parents, possibly my brother. I don't know exact figures as they are very vague when I bring it up. However, my mother let slip Last week that she has taken out a 5 figure loan to cover the shortfall. My father is retired and mother works part-time (but is now doing lots of overtime).

Squishy What if at some point in the future your db is unable to pay the mortgage? What if he uses the equity in house to secure another loan? What if your parents need money for their care in the future?
Yes, this exactly is what concerns me.

They could have got a one bed in an assisted living facility within their own budget. BTW: My Dad already has mobility issues and they now have A first floor flat. Don't worry DF has informed me they can get a stairlift later if they need it. Instead they now have no personal assets live in a flat not in their name and have taken out a loan towards paying for it which my mother will be working to pay off for God knows how long.
I talked to them about my feelings on the matter last night when I went to collect the DC. They basically said, ok, your brother could leave the flat to you before your children, . I don't normally drink much at home but DH provided unasked for with dinner when we got back. He's a keeper. .

I don't think there is a 7 year limit with regard to deprivation of assets and care costs - the 7 years is for IHT. Social services can go further back. Your parents are in a very vulnerable situation.