To feel bitter towards DB & parents over inheritance.

[BitBitter]

So my DM was left an inheritance by an aunt of £150,000. My parents are both 65+ and have always lived in rented accommodation. They wanted to purchase a flat. The did not have enough to buy a 2 bed flat in our area even with their savings added. They could have afforded a one bed flat, but I was told "but where would your brother live?

My DB is 45, still lives at home. He has no SN or medical issues (apart from being a lazy git). He never lifts a finger to help around the house. When my father was ill, he didn't help in any way or form. All his previous jobs have been as a result of myself or DM getting him interviews at places we already worked. He was made redundant a few years ago and couldn't be bothered to look for work, therefore he didn't sign on and lived off his savings for 2 years. He eventually got a job after my DM found him one where she works.

As my parents could not get a mortgage they signed all the money over to DB. He took out the mortgage and a loan for the £70,000 remaining on the house. He thinks he'll have paid it off in 5 years.

My Great aunts will stated all the inheritance was to go to DM. However if she outlived her it was to be split equally between me & my brother. I can't help but think if she knew DM was going to do this she would have named me separately for a small sum. I have 2 children under 10 she adored and she often talked of helping us out when she'd gone. .

I am glad DM is still around to receive it. I know it is her money to do as she wishes. But I‘m hurt that she didn't think it necessary to give any future provision for me. We still have a mortgage we'll be paying off for the next 20 years. None of the plans were discussed with me, I was just told that's what they were doing. When I asked if they were planning to gift anything to me or the children so we could put it towards a holiday etc, I was told there was none spare. Yet my father bought a brand new car when there was nothing wrong with the old one. Oh and finally when I queried the fact DB would profit greatly whilst I wouldn't I was told "well you've had free childcare as I've looked after your kids when you've gone to work, Your brother's got no kids (yet) so yours will get the flat eventually".

So hit me MN‘s, AIBU to be bitter that my DB will have a flat worth £270,000+ and I won't receive a single penny.

do not under estimate the worry a beloved broken winged adult child can be to ageing parents

He's a lazy git, not 'broken winged'

Well if they have paid for approx 2 thirds of a property & not protected their interests then they are utter fools.

Perhaps they think that he won't marry & be their carer when/if needed.

I don't think the issue is actually with inheritance. That is a potential future issue. The issue now is the way the conveyancing has been done on the property that has put your parents at risk

this is very true

Why didn't they buy the flat as tenants in common? Your dps owning one half to will as they wish (to you) and and db the other half

did they even know this was an option.

i dont know how you move past this, as other pp have said one can see why they were attracted to the idea but why not even have you both as co owners of the property?

it bizarre and sadly when they are really frail , annoying, totally vulnerable with basic needs to be met your db can turf them out, then who will be there to pick up the piece?

A bit of money always brings out the worse in people. I'm glad me and my family are relatively skint!

Dh's mum passed away after telling him for years her will would be split between her 3 dc and he would be the executor. He was really close to his mum, although she lived 450 miles away they chatted on the phone for hours every week. When she died it turned out the latest will (10 years old) gave everything to just one on her 5 grandchildren.

Everyone said the family should fight it, but the cost and risks are high, tens of thousands (we could have ended up responsible for all costs if it failed), and honestly the money would not fix dh's heart, dampen his anger or hear the questions he desparately wants his mother to answer.

Your aunt will was clear, the money becomes your mums and expecting gifts from you mums inheritance is entitled.

Your mums financial arrangements with your db are not fair, but there is little you can do to change that if you have already spoken to her other than decide how much practical support you will give her or your db in the future.

You will need to console yourself with how more independent and fulfilling a life you have than your brother who is pathetically dependant on mummy. If you had a choice which life would you choose, yours or his?

Is there no one involved in this transaction who has advised them of the pitfalls of the arrangement? Mortgage broker, conveyancer, impartial relative?
My worry is that your DB has put undue influence over them, which has made them disregard any advice. Now that he’s got away with it, what will he do next? Charge them rent?

When I asked about joint ownership for them and DB, As this seemed the obvious solution, DM told me the bank wouldn't let them. Although they also told me they couldn't get a mortgage with the bank and have gone through a Mortgage Broker. (I expect this is who DM has taken her personal loan out with too). They are very cagey about the details. I have no idea TBH.

No great advice Op, but I’d be hurt as well.

My DH has a useless brother who has so far sponged about £30k off his parents, money that my DH will never see. He’s in his thirties but has never had a proper job, (apart from growing magic mushrooms...), and is constantly lecturing us about money making opportunities (like bit coin etc).
The thing is, I know my DH’s parents are only trying to help his DB, but I think they’ve made him worse as he knows he can always go running to Mummy and Daddy. They’ve taken the view that my incredibly hard working and responsible DH can look after himself.
It will not be how I will be raising my 2 boys, that’s for sure. Feckless or not they’ll both get the same.

He might not even keep the house, say if one of them or both ends up in residential care the state will look at their finances and will find out your Mum gave away all that money. They could very well refuse to pay the care home fees and your brother may have to sell up and pay them.They could argue she has deprived herself of capital to get round this.
The Council will look back through years worth of bank statements and will look at HMRC data.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, I would be upset as well.
I would make it clear that all future care and sorting things out is his responsibility.

Oh, and the cherry on the for me was last night DB wanted ME to take some photos of some of his furniture that wouldn't fit in his new room and sell it on Facebook for him. They have a computer & tablet. DB's contribution to the house move was chucking pretty much EVERYTHING from his room in a skip rather than sorting it out for Recycling/Charity Shop. As I said he's a Lazy Fecker.
Thank you MN's for your words & advice, It's been good to vent, and I'm glad I survived AIBU.

I didn't take the photos in case you were wondering

Did the same family member who provided legal advice to your parents/rasied some issues also act for your brother in the sale? Because that person has a huge conflict and possible exposure to being sued for not offering truly independent advice.

Op, your parents, not only have not taken your interests and general fairness into account, they also haven't managed their own best interests very well. If they always rented and have no other assets, my guess is they were very naive about money when your dm inherited this - basically they have simply handed it over to someone else, lock stock and barrel. If your brother marries, or gets into debt or fails to pay the mortgage, they are fairly screwed and and their only remedy will be heading to the courts to explain that they provided the money. Could they even register a second lien on the property so there is some protection?

I think they have been massively unfair to you but also haven't acted in their own best interests. I suppose not your problems now OP - they have made their choice

I think the bank wouldn't give them a joint mortgage op as joint owners. What they could have done was put down the full 50% (or whatever percentage wanted) in cash and own the property as tenants in common. Your brother could then have raised the £70k mortgage on his own share of the property.

It's not too late to do this. A solicitor could change it to tenants in common for a small fee at any point. I can't see your brother agreeing to this now though - but it would show your parents where his interests lay if he didn't agree.

"However, my mother let slip Last week that she has taken out a 5 figure loan to cover the shortfall. My father is retired and mother works part-time (but is now doing lots of overtime)".

That really is worrying. They have given away £150K and they are now in debt. They've put themselves in an even more vulnerable position.

YANBU OP. That would upset me too.

I also have a lazy fecker of a brother who still lives at home with my mother despite him being nearly 36. He pays minimal rent (about £100 a month I think, inclusive of all bills) and the rest of his money he either saves, or spends on video games. My Mum does all the cleaning, laundry and even his washing up and has admitted to me she's finding it hard and wishes he would move out, and has even asked him too. However he always plays the sob story about it being his family home and makes it clear he has no intention of leaving, and that his plan is to wait it out until my Mum dies, and then (with the house value being split 50/50 between me and him) buy my half out and continue living there. My mum has also spoken to him about maybe wanting to downsize eventually (it's a 3-bed house on a steep hill, and obviously she's getting older etc) and he refuses to hear of it. I have no idea what happens to his plan if Mum needs long-term care, or if inheritance tax needs paying. But mostly I just wish my Mum would stand up for herself and tell him to move out, but she won't as she doesn't want to 'upset him'. Sigh.

Op...
Just make sure you aren't an executor or POA - let your brother sort out the mess!!

I would also be worried for your parents, who have signed over a huge amount of money and put the very roof over their heads in the hands of a man who has proved himself to be financially irresponsible and selfish.

THIS ^

He can't look after himself - how will he care for your parents when they become too old?

What if he dies before them? It's unlikely, but accidents happen every day - my BIL died of a heart-attack at 32, leaving a widow and three small children (oldest was 5). I think that if he dies without a will, you as his sibling would automatically inherit before them. (Apologies if this is wrong - I'll be happy to be corrected.)

I know that you wouldn't turn them into the street, but it would affect you financially regarding tax, I think.

What a pity that they didn't either get a one-bedroom flat, of become a joint owner of the property with him, which would give them more independence and leverage if he ever decided to sell/re-mortgage.

Just awful. Parents with favourites.

It's hugely hurtful
My brother is going to pay her back apparently
She doesn't know I know about the £3k she have him when he lost his job due to going in drunk 🤔

I think that parents would inherit & a sibling not if someone with no spouse/hildren dies intestate?

I love my kids & still do as much as I can for them.

I can't imagine being in my 60s & housing them being my priority.

There's a lot of stories here (including OP's and mine) about lazy grown ups refusing to move out/take responsibility, etc. And so far they all seem to be men.....

I know this is all 'anecdata' but it wouldn't surprise me if there were some stats to back it up.

Thank you Whinesalot, without outing myself I live in one of the Crown Dependancies, so laws slightly different to mainland UK but I have found a similar term so will strongly advise parents to look into it.

I have a feeling that more men than women are happy to be looked after by their mums as adults?

I am not surprised they couldn't do it by themselves who In there right mind at 65+ attempts a mortgage of that value and getting out loans :( I understand its their dream but lets face it financially its a really bad idea at that point in life! How stupid of your DB agreeing to it all clearly had his eyes on the prize not the reality of it all!

That without being cut out of the loop I think I would be angry but more fearful of their choices than about a share of the money.

Whinesalot - Has a very good point and a point if either one of them needed to go into a care home but unlike inheritance there is no ‘safe cut-off point they can look back as far as they like they will search through the history of where their money went and it will be your DB they go to and say you have to pay! Or a charge will be placed on the property for when the property is sold. I don't know how likely this is how fit and well your parents are but it will all be on your DB to sort if anything was to happen as their money is tied up in that house, tbh its better tied up then spent if these circumstances arrive if you were gifted the money and spent it then you too could be chased to pay the care fees. So as it stands it's all on DB.

When I was with my ex his cousin & wife found themselves in this situation and it's been a really hard and awkward situation as they accepted selling of Dm house when she was still alive which they all put towards a large house unfortunate circumstances lead to his Dm going into care. They were all accused of trying to be fraudulent to get out of care fees because they said his dm had deliberately deprived herself of the money and then to make matters worse while all that was raging on she then died and then they were all accused of fraudulent behaviour and deliberately deprived to avoid inheritance tax. They were told they could face a prison sentence, I remember how horrible it all was at the time I don't know what happened in the end as I split from EX before it was resolved.

Step back and withdraw help.

Your DPs knew exactly what they were doing.

It’s not now, or will be your mess to sort.

It’s not the money - it’s the thought process which goes before the action.

Good luck. They could put the 50% (or whatever) in their own name or yours if they want to try to avoid the care home thing. Your brother will need to agree to sign the paperwork though.