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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider letting ds have day off?

315 replies

singadream · 12/10/2017 23:46

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

OP posts:
Skarossinkplunger · 13/10/2017 13:01

As he doesn't legally have to be in school, I have no problem him having a day off, but I can't believe you would consider having him lie to his father. This send the message that's ok to lie when other adults tell
you to. It's a very dangerous message.

BeyondThePage · 13/10/2017 14:16

how many "mummy days" off school did your daughter get?

Witchend · 13/10/2017 14:51

And when you pick up your dd and he says "me and mummy have done this that and the other" she's not going to feel resentful is she?

And don't think she won't know. My dbro was inclined to skive right the way through primary because dm could never say "no" to him. She used the "he's so little and it's so hard for him". He always greeted us with what he'd done and we were totally aware he wasn't ill.

And he did it right the way through primary for exactly the same reason. He said it would be nice, and dm thought how nice, so kept him off. And then he expected it, and it got more and more frequent until towards the end of year 6.

It was sorted when df was home one time and took him to the doctors on the basis he must be ill if he felt a bad as he (and dm was saying) and the doctor said he'd not seen such a healthy child in years. He was back at the school by 11o'clock, and, boy, was he cross about it. "Dm always lets me" he said. Df was not impressed.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/10/2017 15:50

As he doesn't legally have to be in school, I have no problem him having a day off,

It's not up to you though, is it?

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 13/10/2017 16:19

Just be upfront. As a pp said, have faith in your own judgement.
"He's having a day at home to do [insert activity]"
Fibbing is not required.

MaisyPops · 13/10/2017 16:24

It's not the day off reception that is the issue as such for me.

It's the fact that a child fancies a day off and a parent says 'oh it'll be so nice to have a day just the 2 of us'. (Dont worry about thr fact I'm giving you preferential treatment over your siblings. Just lie to them).

So lie to your school, lie to your siblings, we can have this lovely day but it will be our little secret, you can't tall to your friends about it either or we'll get in trouble.

And that is before you start saying 'but he's so tired' next half term& the one after that.

Like I said in my earlier post, i could put money on which ones of my secondary students were allowed duvet days because mummy wanted some time/thry were sleepy. They are the ones with under 90% attendance.

WitchesHatRim · 13/10/2017 16:29

And when you pick up your dd and he says "me and mummy have done this that and the other" she's not going to feel resentful is she?

Exactly. It's favouritism.

What also happens when he lets slip to DH what you've done or are you going to tell him that lying to his dad is ok?

brasty · 13/10/2017 16:33

Your DD will rightfully be resentful.

Trueheart1 · 13/10/2017 16:40

Excellent idea, life is so short, just do it.

grasspigeons · 13/10/2017 16:48

I see the appeal but worry it would snowball to a regular thing. Who wouldn't rather be at home with mummy than doing school stuff.

Children have 175 days a year at home v 190 in school, you really do have a lot of days to have one at holiday camp and one at home then swap over. Or a cosy evening together etc

MyGastIsFlabbered · 13/10/2017 17:51

It's not the idea of a duvet day that bothers me, though (as someone who has their own MH issues) dressing up as a MH day makes me think it's more about your MH than his. It's the lying involved, and the favouritism, why doesn't your daughter get a duvet day and, if I remember correctly, his baby brother too?

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 13/10/2017 18:32

why doesn't your daughter get a duvet day and, if I remember correctly, his baby brother too?

Thing is, the middle child here has actually asked for this. A day off school with mummy.
He's only four or five (or whatever) so missing a day of school can't possibly detrimental to his education.
Everything doesn't always have to be the same in order to achieve equality. children are different from each other, circumstances change. He's not being taken to disneyland with the parents while his siblings get sent to Butlins with a distant aunt.

Kokapetl · 13/10/2017 18:38

Yes, do it. My DS started reception recently too and is one of the little ones and he is just so tired I've considered having him off for a day and only circumstances have stopped it. I know a lot of kids in his class have and I've seen them in the park so they are not ill. If they are still 4 then they are not technically even compulsory school age.

WitchesHatRim · 13/10/2017 18:41

Thing is, the middle child here has actually asked for this. A day off school with mummy.

So you only get if you ask then?

MaisyPops · 13/10/2017 19:03

witches
That's how it works with my persistent absentees. Ask for a day off an you get it. By secondary for some children duvet days are an established routine. I tell our attendance person to watch a particualr child on certain days/points in term. I've predicted his last 3 random days off to the day.

In another situation the sad thing is that both siblings get kept off when only one of them is a bit tired (well enough to text their mates and brag about fifa or whatever other game is in). I think Mum is under the impression we believe all these odd illnesses. We don't. One reason was (similar level of stupidity but altered not to be outing) elder DC had concussion from a pillow fight and because younger DC was worried about her they both needed to be off.

A day off in reception isn't the end of the world but starting a culture of ask for a day off and you get it is potentially problematic.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 13/10/2017 19:15

But what if the daughter realises what's happened and asks, then middle child asks again, etc, where does it end? And nowhere has OP said that if she did it with this child she'd consider doing it with the others if they asked?

ToddlersAndCoffee · 13/10/2017 19:28

Do it. Without a doubt I would, life is way too short!

RhinosDontEatOatcakes · 13/10/2017 19:34

Wrong wrong wrong

Teaching him to lie
Keeping secrets from family members
Lack of respect for school and teacher
Allowing small child to emotionally blackmail you

If you want time alone with him then you have to get a babysitter for your other two and do it on a weekend.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 13/10/2017 19:45

No where in the OP does the poster say he's tired. I am astounded by the number of people who think this is ok & do it. A great lesson in how to tell lies & bunk off if you don't feel like doing something. Just wait until he's bigger...it'll come back to bite you.

MaisyPops · 13/10/2017 19:48

I'm really not surprised princess.
There's so many threads and so many posters on MN who decide what school rules and expectations apply to their children it's ridiculous.

Bythebeach · 13/10/2017 19:50

If he is in reception, school isn't even compulsory for him this term (compulsory from term after fifth birthday). Do it. A day at home just the two of you will be emotionally rewarding for you both.

Bythebeach · 13/10/2017 19:52

PS-but be honest with family and tell school he's having day off! He's in reception - millions of kids around the Europe aren't in school at all at that age.

MaisyPops · 13/10/2017 20:15

by

The lying is what I think most of us disagree with (and a bit of concern regarding prefernetial treatment of 1 child / setting a precedent of asking for days off) rather than the day off being educationally bad for him.

RhinosDontEatOatcakes · 13/10/2017 20:24

It's not about what legal or compulsory. I can't believe people use this as a baseline for how to behave. My son is in a weekend football team. It's neither the law nor compulsory for him to show up every Saturday but he does because it's the right thing to do as part of a group. You make a commitment when you accept a place at a school don't you? A moral (not legal) duty to abide by the rules and send your child in every day. It's an appalling life lesson you're teaching him OP. And I agree with the poster who said it will come back to bite you. Children need to be taught how to conduct themselves and showing up for school come rain or shine is one of them.

lorelairoryemily · 13/10/2017 20:26

Absolutely do It!