To dislike strangers knocking on my door

[lizzieoak]

Last night I was home alone & the porch light was off (about 9:00pm). I wasn't expecting anyone and someone knocked on my door (which is glass). There was a pause then another (quite firm) knock. And again. They stood out there for what felt like a few minutes. I had lights on, tv on, car in the drive.

I didn't feel safe opening the door - safe area, but I don't feel anywhere is 100% safe for women.

After they left I peaked out and could see a man and woman walking down the road & they didn't go anywhere else. So not door to door charities/home reno businesses (get a lot of that here).

Today I was home w my tall teenage ds & someone knocked on the door. I called out "I'll get it", sort of expected neighbours - this time it was someone trying to sell yard services (had a jacket on w name of company).

Aside from being annoyed at people pestering us for things I can't afford/random people knocking who knows why, does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

It sounds like Darling Buds of May round yours. My neighbourhood is nice, but does not include coal men, nor milk men (not chimney sweeps, nor rag and bone men).

@lizzieoak I don't have their number nor they ours - I mean literally my next door neighbour, our houses are metres apart and it seems odd to phone when I could just knock on the door? And when the paramedics called they had to knock on the keyholders door to, as I didn't have his number. I just knew where he lived and his first name!

We actually have a rag and bone (well, scrap metal) guy come round. But they don't come at 10pm, to be fair. And local kids. They once knocked on our door to demand we looked at the swarm of flying ants in our driveway :) or to show me their bike. We don't have any kids, we were just interesting for 6 months because the house was empty for years before we moved in. There was one point I did consider hiding because they were all consumed with curiosity about being let in. We didn't let them of course. It's quite old fashioned on our street and I rather like it.

Apparently my elderly neighbour would open the door after dark, but she'd a small hammer just by the side of the door (or so the key holder tells me!).

Women are conditioned to be people pleasers and nice and compliant... often at the expense of their own safety

I'd say in response that women are conditioned to be timid, scared, unassertive

I've not googled it but I'd bet the mortgage that women are far more at risk, statistically, from their partner than a random at the door

Sorry I misread your post op on the tiny thing

I'd say in response that women are conditioned to be timid, scared, unassertive

I’d agree, it’s far more stereotypical to say I’m too scared to open the door without man present than it is to say I’m not going to open the door because it’s expected of women. The latter is bonkers. It’s fairly much a societal expectation against everyone.

I’m also not sure why people are being sarcastic to someone who has a coal man and a milk man. Weird thing to get the arse about. Lots of folks still have milk delivered or have coal delivered for their wood burners or open fires.

I burn smokeless coal in my wood burner under the logs, next time I have it delivered I shall ensure I dress like a fifties vixen.

Reet, my neighbours are close by but I still ring first (unless I can see they're sitting outside). They might be in the bath, or sleeping, or on the phone.

Maybe it's more assertive to think "fuck you, why should I open my door?" rather than all these posters worrying about offending their neighbours and feeling obliged to open the door to any old chancer.

Maybe it's more assertive to think "fuck you, why should I open my door?" rather than all these posters worrying about offending their neighbours and feeling obliged to open the door to any old chancer

Have you been sitting thinking about how to turn it round from you being scared. Anyways, Well because I personally don’t want to be THAT person who thinks fuck you in response to a door knock any more than I want to be the person who is too scared to open my door.

And folks answerr their doors because they want to. Not because they feel obliged, we want to and are not scared to do so. If we did. It wish to, we would not.

HTH.

Maybe it's more assertive to think "fuck you, why should I open my door?" rather than all these posters worrying about offending their neighbours and feeling obliged to open the door to any old chancer

Firstly it's not very assertive to say "fuck you I'll only open the door when a man is here"
Secondly why do you think people feel obliged? do you not understand that we simply actualy want to open the door?

I'm not scared especially, just a normal amount of caution. I'm either expecting someone or I'm not. If I'm not, then quite honestly, fuck off. I don't want to give to charity, find Jesus or use your services.

When an unknown man knocked on my front door at 10pm...yes I did feel a bit shaken...is that so awful?

Do you mock women who are scared of walking alone at night?

I might not open the door if it's chuggers or Jehovah's Witnesses or some other nuisance, but no, I'm not frightened when someone rings the bell.

I'd say in response that women are conditioned to be timid, scared, unassertive

I'm none of those things and I don't know many women who are. The conditioning, if it exists, is clearly not working.
Even though apparently I live in the 1950's

When an unknown man knocked on my front door at 10pm...yes I did feel a bit shaken...is that so awful?

It's awful for you, being scared is very unpleasant.That doesn't mean there is anything really to be scared of.
What did he want?

mint "The chances of someone coming to your house, when they have no way of knowing who else is in your house are extremely tiny. It's illogical. "

no. it's very easy to case the joint and find out if someone has routines etc.

I live in a block of flats and I actually had a female neighbour say to me "you don't seem to have a set routine"!

it's amazing what people notice even when they aren't looking.

I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone, the neighbours I'm friends with all my have mobile number. If it's a known neighbour having a crisis, I'm in a small flat anyway, so they could shout "It's Jane" or whatever through the door and I'd hear them anywhere.

There is nothing wrong with anyone wanting to ignore unexpected callers. I do wonder if the MNers who think it's bonkers live in really "naice" areas though - not that there's anything wrong with that, just it's a very different scenario, I appreciate if I lived elsewhere I might not feel this way.

@lizzieoak which is fine - a knock on a neighbours door is the same as ringing to me. Eg, if they're not in or can't come to the door, they won't answer and I knock again another day. I tend to fail to account for people just not answering the door because they don't like it! But then I also answer my mobile even if I don't recognise the number. I have a terrible curiosity about things.

no. it's very easy to case the joint and find out if someone has routines etc

The post of mine you quote was in response to a random opportunist pushing in at the door. If someone is specifically casing you and looking to harm you in particular, that is a different matter.

also I had a drunk neighbour try to enter my flat thinking it was his - he tried his key a few times before I yelled "Fuck off, you don't live here" through the door.

If that makes me a shrinking violet, fair enough. But saying I won't answer the door doesn't mean I curl up under the bed in terror every time it rings!

It's awful for you, being scared is very unpleasant.That doesn't mean there is anything really to be scared of.
What did he want?

It's not about being scared or cowering in the corner. I was home alone, about to go to bed. The knocking made me jump because you don't expect it at that time. I didn't open the door, I spoke over my intercom. The man had a long begging story about how he'd run out of money on his electricity meter....blah blah. I told him I didn't have any money and he went. I'm very glad I didn't open the door to him though.

I quite like getting jehovahs witnesses, been in this house three years and only had them once. Three of em, I think it was the mum and two late late teenage kids. I suspect my look of amusement coupled with bemusement is what had them scarper quickly. You know how you’d look at a trio of dancing monkies in tutus?

I wasn’t interested in what they had to say, but I was curious about them, a little motley crew, knocking on folks doors garnering followers. They gave me a little leaflet though and kindly invited me to a meeting.

@slimthistime ours is a very ordinary suburb of a northern city. The area used to have a rep. I have called the police on a domestic incident a couple of times. It is definitely not naice, maybe a bit old fashioned in that I know my neighbours? I still open my door!

What did he want?

Think about the title and content of the thread. Is there anything that might lead you to conclude the OP wouldn't know?

Think about the title and content of the thread. Is there anything that might lead you to conclude the OP wouldn't know?

I did know because I spoke through my intercom. I didn't open the door.

It's pretty impossible for someone to get to our door so if it rings we know it's an immediate neighbour in the building. It's great

The man had a long begging story about how he'd run out of money on his electricity meter....blah blah. I told him I didn't have any money and he went. I'm very glad I didn't open the door to him though

That's all fine, but if he had come to my door the chances are I would have said no, closed the door, all well. Your response, your actions, your feelings are all your own and all valid for you. However they do not translate to anyone else. There is no right or wrong answer.

Think about the title and content of the thread. Is there anything that might lead you to conclude the OP wouldn't know?

The poster I was asking clearly did know, since we were talking about a specific encounter. It had nothing to do with the OP.