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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everyone using me for childcare

450 replies

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 13:00

I have two children, a boy and a girl, I live in a flat, recently a new neighbour moved in above me with twin boys my sons age and a little girl the same age as my daughter. They attend the same nursery and school. One day she asked for my number to arrange a play date, I said okay. She called about 2 weeks later asking me to pick up her daughter from nursery, it progressed week by week till it was dropping off or collecting from nursery or school three times a week. Then when they were with me I'd give snacks. One of the twins had an allergy and she hadn't told me, I only found out on offering snacks one day and asking her about it that evening. When she would come for the kids she would text I'm going to come down for them in a couple minutes please put their coats and shoes on and have their bags ready. She has never offered me a penny or given me any food. I don't enjoy having my house constantly filled with kids, but she views it as I'm home and she's at work, therefore I can help out. But it's tiring and stressful.

So I was complaining to my friend one day and she said oh you should charge her at least £30 a day, she's getting free childcare. Anyways this friend was going to a wedding in Paris with her husband and asked me 4 months ago to have her three children, three little girls (12, 7, 5). She kept saying she would give money for them for food, for my time and for an activity or two. So I had the children for a week they're back with her now and she said she had put the money into my account. So imagine my shock when I went to the bank and it was only £20 in my account. Feeding them alone had cost more than that. I feel like such a mug. I'm on benefits and watching every penny but these cheeky fuckers have taken the piss.

And on her Facebook are photos of her shopping in Paris and visiting expensive restaurants and venues with her husband. They both have a higher income than me.

I think they're being extremely unreasonable about their childcare expectations.

OP posts:
SemiNormal · 12/10/2017 20:10

What a complete fucking horrible piece of shite that 'friend' of yours is, the neighbour isn't much better. Also getting her husband roped in too, manipulate arseholes!

Deemail · 12/10/2017 20:11

It's not £100 for child care it's £100 towards what it cost you to feed and entertain their three children for a week.

jeaux90 · 12/10/2017 20:14

They are cheeky fuckers of epic proportions and they are now trying to gaslight and manipulate you. It's plain nasty OP.

R2G · 12/10/2017 20:15

Also don't let the husband rile you. Just respond as others have put and don't engage with him again as they are now taking cheap digs. Although you can refer to 'childcare' and being reimbursed for your time' this seeems to be what they are focussing on. So I'd stick to 'out if pocket' for the day trips and food, which she said she'd give me the money for.
Also - I fail to see that she is concerned for me, as she has left me financially out of pocket after an expensive week. I survive on benefits so this is currently my main worry.

ZippyCameBack · 12/10/2017 20:15

Whatever happens with the money, this woman is not your friend. You are not unstable, or having a MH crisis, or anything else. She is a cunt experiencing a severe assertiveness allergy.

R2G · 12/10/2017 20:18

Yes Zippy!! OP have you heard the phrase 'I used to think I was depressed til I realised I was dealing with an abnormal amount of bullshit and surrounded by arseholes.'
Ad for your neighbour - I know it's hard - but just say no. When she protests - just say I know, but I don't want to help anymore socyou need to get proper childcare sorted.

seven201 · 12/10/2017 20:19

Reply to him. Oh sorry, thought she would have told you. When I looked after your 3 dc I was told to take them to the cinema and aquarium and your dw would cover costs. She's transferred me £20 and said to test myself, but that doesn't even cover the food, let alone the trips. I texted her back and asked for £100 (which is less than I spent) as I can't afford to make a huge loss for doing someone a favour. I've been taking my meds and feel fine; I'm just trying to ask for some money towards the cost of looking after the dc for a week. No need to worry about me but I'd appreciate it if you could get the money together. Thank you x

MagentaRocks · 12/10/2017 20:20

You need to stop saying the money is for childcare. You have provided the child care for free. It is your expenses that you are asking for - the money you spent on food and activities like your cf friend asked.

echt · 12/10/2017 20:22

Despite my jokey suggestion upthread, I would not engage with any acknowledgment of the meds. It legitimates with their "right" to have mentioned it in the first place and makes it look it's a problem.

Gemini69 · 12/10/2017 20:22

Tell both of them to never contact you again... Flowers

flutterby12 · 12/10/2017 20:23

Cheeky bloody witch. Who the hell does she think she is! Angry

AhNowTed · 12/10/2017 20:24

I've just re-read

So the 'friend' who said the neighbour is taking the piss, is also taking the piss.

Neighbour: stop taking their kids and say "no sorry that doesn't suit / I have other plans"

Friend: NEVER take their kids again and in the meantime "I spent £x please reimburse me"

Badhairday1001 · 12/10/2017 20:26

My blood is boiling for you OP!

eddielizzard · 12/10/2017 20:27

i'm fine thanks. it's just pisstakers like you that make me sick. i still want the £100 that you owe me.

SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 12/10/2017 20:27

ZippyCameBack Thu 12-Oct-17 20:15:48

Whatever happens with the money, this woman is not your friend. You are not unstable, or having a MH crisis, or anything else. She is a cunt experiencing a severe assertiveness allergy.

Mix56 · 12/10/2017 20:27

The fucking aquarium entrance was X
The cinema was X
the food was X
ex bitch friend told me to charge neighbour £30 a day for her kids
I am not ripping you off, I provided care for your DC for a fucking week.
Cut the crap with the meds & calling my mother
Stop taking the piss, I do not have the money to throw all over your kids.
Visibly you were splashing money all over Paris, so I demand to be treated with the minimum of respect, My expenses are £100, which is little less than £5 a day per child. they were fed, transported about, washed in hot water. I want the money transferred today.

BaDumShh · 12/10/2017 20:28

Don’t engage in the mental health stuff. Text them both saying “I spend £x feeding and entertaining your children for a week. I’m willing to accept £100. You are fully aware that I am on benefits and my funds are very limited. I’m baffled that you think it’s perfectly acceptable to take money from my own children in order to entertain your own.”

Earlyriser84 · 12/10/2017 20:31

Cut them both out of your life , block their numbers and unfriend on Facebook.

You do not need piss taking twats like that in your life.

You sound lovely OP so don't let people like that bring you down

Chalk it down to experience and move on the better person xx

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 20:32

My mum is texting getting carried away as usual. I love her but God she's hard work. This friend was her friend before she was mine, they use to work together.

She's saying she's sending my nan round as she's at work and that nan is bringing some meds with her for me, god knows what she's bringing but it'll calm my nerves.

I've texted back saying my nerves are just fine and I haven't lost the plot and when she has a break to call as I can't be bothered with the loads of texts.

She's also facebooked my ex and basically said I've lost the plot and he's on his way.

You couldn't make this shit up. The one time I stand up for myself and everyone's ready to send me to a mental hospital.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 12/10/2017 20:32

Wow she's given me the rage just reading that awful text. How dare she.

Could you list (with receipts if possible) the costs for the children. I would demand that money back. She is just the WORST person.

ChasedByBees · 12/10/2017 20:33

And have you told your mum and ex how totally this person has taken the piss?

category12 · 12/10/2017 20:34

Just stay calm and explain to your nan and ex that you asked the friend to reimburse you.

zoomiee · 12/10/2017 20:34

Your ‘friend’ or your Mum Fb’d your ex?

You are doing so well, OP. Stay calm, keep going.

TheAntiBoop · 12/10/2017 20:34

Just text saying your friend is refusing to pay the costs you incurred when looking after your children and seems to think you asking for the money is some sort of mental breakdown

eddielizzard · 12/10/2017 20:35

stay calm with them. tell them what cf did and how much you're out of pocket.

while they're getting all hot and bothered flapping their way over to, you could draw up an itemised bill of what you spent and just point to it.

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