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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everyone using me for childcare

450 replies

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 13:00

I have two children, a boy and a girl, I live in a flat, recently a new neighbour moved in above me with twin boys my sons age and a little girl the same age as my daughter. They attend the same nursery and school. One day she asked for my number to arrange a play date, I said okay. She called about 2 weeks later asking me to pick up her daughter from nursery, it progressed week by week till it was dropping off or collecting from nursery or school three times a week. Then when they were with me I'd give snacks. One of the twins had an allergy and she hadn't told me, I only found out on offering snacks one day and asking her about it that evening. When she would come for the kids she would text I'm going to come down for them in a couple minutes please put their coats and shoes on and have their bags ready. She has never offered me a penny or given me any food. I don't enjoy having my house constantly filled with kids, but she views it as I'm home and she's at work, therefore I can help out. But it's tiring and stressful.

So I was complaining to my friend one day and she said oh you should charge her at least £30 a day, she's getting free childcare. Anyways this friend was going to a wedding in Paris with her husband and asked me 4 months ago to have her three children, three little girls (12, 7, 5). She kept saying she would give money for them for food, for my time and for an activity or two. So I had the children for a week they're back with her now and she said she had put the money into my account. So imagine my shock when I went to the bank and it was only £20 in my account. Feeding them alone had cost more than that. I feel like such a mug. I'm on benefits and watching every penny but these cheeky fuckers have taken the piss.

And on her Facebook are photos of her shopping in Paris and visiting expensive restaurants and venues with her husband. They both have a higher income than me.

I think they're being extremely unreasonable about their childcare expectations.

OP posts:
Ijustlovefood · 13/10/2017 21:51

I am absolutely furious reading this. Come on, tell her that it is not acceptable. A week? She should have given you loads more than that. You need to ask for it. You'll feel better if you stand up for yourself and start saying no.

BlueSapp · 13/10/2017 21:55

Op I’m so glad your feeling great now enjoy all of the quality time with your little type ones. The CF can do one and your family is better off without them

BelleandBeast · 13/10/2017 22:09

Gratitude for her being good to you when times were tough does not mean servitude and using you for free childcare now.

Stay strong.

Ploppie4 · 13/10/2017 22:29

Yes £200 for 24 hours is the norm

Ploppie4 · 13/10/2017 22:31

However 150 would cover the basic costs of feeding and entertaining them

BadLad · 13/10/2017 23:21

200 quid down, minus the 20 you got, is annoying but it will be an investment, as you appear to be in the early stages of developing a spine, so it will save you money and hassle in the long term. Think positive.

ScissorBow · 13/10/2017 23:42

There's a weight of opinion on your side already but just to say it's the absolute very least she could have done to cover your actual costs of food, activities and petrol. If she'd given £20 on top of that for a week's worth of looking after 3 kids that would have been a bit stingy but not a friendship breaker. SHE chose to spend her money on a holiday and shopping and not factor in her kids costs during her time away NEVERMIND your time for doing so. She is an A Grade shit bag and you are well rid of that loser of a friend.

LexieLulu · 13/10/2017 23:57

Well done OP, I do hope your neighbour and "friend" start treating you better! Don't be a mug

Halle71 · 14/10/2017 10:23

I'm staggered by this post and the crazy piss takers in your life.

If this person who calls herself a friend, has any genuine concerns over your MH, she shouldn't have left her kids with you for AN ENTIRE WEEK. I couldn't manage a sleepover with 3 extra kids.

Then that text. Flabbergasted at the bitchy, back stabbing, fake concern.
She is using your vulnerability as a weapon.
You haven't lost a friend OP.

We'll done x

GiraffesLikeToDance · 14/10/2017 10:44

Well done

TimeIhadaNameChange · 14/10/2017 11:17

DId the husband turn up with the money?

dustarr73 · 14/10/2017 17:09

Hope you got your money and brought your DC somewhere no.

Goodasgoldilox · 14/10/2017 17:30

If she was a real friend - she will be back with the money and an apology.

What you did was generous and it is certainly fair that she pays.

GinisLife · 14/10/2017 19:33

I'd be texting her with the link to this thread now Smile

Groovee · 15/10/2017 12:37

Diddums that she can’t afford to pay you. She seems to have forgotten her no expense soared trip to Paris.

HSMMaCM · 15/10/2017 20:18

I know what it feels like to have people watching you, to see if you are getting ill again.

This woman in no friend. She should never have asked you to take them on specific outings if she wasn't goi g to pay for them. It doesn't matter at all if she doesn't want to speak to you ever again. You'll be better off.

Your nan sounds fab.

snackajacker · 15/10/2017 21:36

Any money yet op?

wannabestressfree · 15/10/2017 21:54

I always find the ‘poor’ when someone disappears when they have been glued to their phone/ device odd. I am not troll hunting but something must have been said. Or she has completely backtracked.

GlitteryFluff · 15/10/2017 22:16

Did the husband drop the cheque off op?

Jessikita · 16/10/2017 08:08

Your “friend” is a vile excuse for a human being. I just cannot believe how manipulative she’s being! Trying to turn the situation around into that you’re the cheeky fucker asking for money. What a using cow. How pious to act like it’s your depression why “you’re acting like this”

For a start I would never even have the brass neck to ask anyone to look after 3 kids constantly for a week! Especially to go on holiday! I would never ask that of a friend. Ridiculous!
If I had an unavoidable situation like an operation and had to ask for some help, I’d ask my friendship group to do one day/night each.
Then I would provide £50 a day to cover costs.
I pay £12.50 a day to my dog sitter plus food and treats!

I’m really glad you’re sticking up for yourself. Honestly going forward deflect all requests.
I got used a few years ago by a CF because I thought we were friends and now I’ve said never again.
If someone asks me to babysit I just say, it’s up to you how you want to do it. My hourly rate is £7.50 or I’ll have them but then I’m going on this date xxxx then so can you have mine?

Branleuse · 16/10/2017 14:40

Id give her back the £20 and tell her to shove it up her arse and to never expect any more favours from you. £20 for 3 kids for a week. fucking hell. Thats more insulting than anything

Appuskidu · 16/10/2017 15:57

It's very annoying when posters don't come back and update threads!

Redred2429 · 16/10/2017 20:32

Well done op. X

Rassy · 22/10/2017 13:01

I always wonder, when the OP doesn't return, if people in RL have got wind of the thread and merry hell has broken out - hope not!

aintnothinbutagstring · 22/10/2017 13:16

You sound like an amazing person OP, but please for your own sake and that of your dc, put a value on your time. You've lost money through your own kindness, thats gone now but look on it as tuition because you've learnt something from this and hopefully won't get yourself into this situation again. They need you more than you do them because they are only takers, they're not giving you anything so you have nothing to lose by ditching these freeloaders.

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