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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everyone using me for childcare

450 replies

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 13:00

I have two children, a boy and a girl, I live in a flat, recently a new neighbour moved in above me with twin boys my sons age and a little girl the same age as my daughter. They attend the same nursery and school. One day she asked for my number to arrange a play date, I said okay. She called about 2 weeks later asking me to pick up her daughter from nursery, it progressed week by week till it was dropping off or collecting from nursery or school three times a week. Then when they were with me I'd give snacks. One of the twins had an allergy and she hadn't told me, I only found out on offering snacks one day and asking her about it that evening. When she would come for the kids she would text I'm going to come down for them in a couple minutes please put their coats and shoes on and have their bags ready. She has never offered me a penny or given me any food. I don't enjoy having my house constantly filled with kids, but she views it as I'm home and she's at work, therefore I can help out. But it's tiring and stressful.

So I was complaining to my friend one day and she said oh you should charge her at least £30 a day, she's getting free childcare. Anyways this friend was going to a wedding in Paris with her husband and asked me 4 months ago to have her three children, three little girls (12, 7, 5). She kept saying she would give money for them for food, for my time and for an activity or two. So I had the children for a week they're back with her now and she said she had put the money into my account. So imagine my shock when I went to the bank and it was only £20 in my account. Feeding them alone had cost more than that. I feel like such a mug. I'm on benefits and watching every penny but these cheeky fuckers have taken the piss.

And on her Facebook are photos of her shopping in Paris and visiting expensive restaurants and venues with her husband. They both have a higher income than me.

I think they're being extremely unreasonable about their childcare expectations.

OP posts:
flutterby12 · 12/10/2017 19:38

Both cheeky bitches. Text your friend. Why would you leave 3 kids with a friend and not family to go away?!

Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 19:41

I would spell out how mich you spent on them.

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 19:44

Clueless where am I to get all that money from. Friends help each other. That's what they do. You know I love you to bits and the kids think the world of you. If I had more I would give. You're always home with the kids, why don't you go a weekend away and I'll watch them for you, no charge! The kids love hanging out with each other. Ttyl

I texted back:

A weekend away with what money?

Her response:

This doesn't sound like you clueless. Are you taking your tablets. I'm worried for you. I'm calling your mum. You need to ring your doctor first thing tomorrow. Remember the last time you came off your tablets you weren't making any sense.

OP posts:
LucieLucie · 12/10/2017 19:44

Regarding your neighbour, I’d tread a bit more carefully on that one as this one has the higher potential to affect your life in a negative way.

Distance yourself politely, don’t attempt to explain or make excuses.

You could mention that you are in the process of registering with Ofsted to become a registered childcare provider and give her your prices. She won’t ask again.

dustarr73 · 12/10/2017 19:47

Well she should have told you that before she went.And to use your my issues to get out of paying you, that's fucking awful.

I'd ring your mum first and tell her before c.f. gets there.What a wagon.Im raging on your behalf.

DartmoorDoughnut · 12/10/2017 19:47

Fucking hell she's a piece of shit!

How about "not confused just sad that you'd take advantage of me. Don't worry about helping me with my kids and I won't help it with yours."

DartmoorDoughnut · 12/10/2017 19:48

Oh and yes definitely ring your mum and fill her in asap!

LucieLucie · 12/10/2017 19:48

Oh my goodness cross posted!!

What a bitch!!

She’s a piece of work!!!Shock

Sunnyx · 12/10/2017 19:49

Ungrateful bitch.

wannabestressfree · 12/10/2017 19:50

That’s disgusting.
I would text back ‘please don’t involve my mum. I have just looked After your children for a week. If you really think they are worth £20 in childcare then it’s them I feel sorry for. It’s clear where your priorities lie’

I would do that as she is thinking nothing of discussing your ‘issues’. She is no friend of yours!

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 12/10/2017 19:50

Oh my god Shock ring your mum now and tell her ! What a looper

Supermagicsmile · 12/10/2017 19:51

Ring your mum before she does!

DPotter · 12/10/2017 19:53

What a bitch! Well its a good lesson is passive -aggressive I'll grant her that much.

I hope you have other friends Clueless as this one is not a friend to you at all. She must know your financial situation but clearly doesn't give a flying f* as long as the kids are out of her hair for her weekends away.
I agree with telling your mum - and I hope your mum tears her a new one for taking advantage of your good nature, if and when she calls.
I would be in 2 minds about replying, but if I were to reply it would be to acknowledge that maybe she's right, I don't sound like the usual Clueless - I'm growing a back bone and a pair of hairy balls, so watch out!

CardsforKittens · 12/10/2017 19:53

I like your message, although £100 really does sound quite low. Could you make it a bit closer to whatever you actually spent?

Standing up for yourself really does get easier with practice. You might feel anxious about this now, but you will feel much better once it becomes a habit!

Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 19:54

I would reply-'I do not need to contact my doctor, I just need friends that don't treat me like dirt. You actually told me to take your kids to the cinema and the aquarium; that cost me £xx and that's without money for food! I won't be looking after anyone else's children again'

Is she likely to ring your mum? If so, please phone her NOW and explain what the fuck is going on.

OP-I'm a teacher, I like children-nobody has treated me the way you do. It's not because you are fantastic with children and they want a piece of you (you may be nice, yes), it's because you let them treat you like a mug. Stop now.

CardsforKittens · 12/10/2017 19:54

Sorry, should have refreshed before I posted!

Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 19:55

Don't tell her not to ring your mum. I would want your mum to tell her exactly what a user she has been.

KalaLaka · 12/10/2017 19:56

She's gaslighting you!

She sounds like an awful friend. End the friendship and move on.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/10/2017 19:56

"Oh give me a break and don't even try turn this around on me. You used me for a week, told me take the kids out and you'd fix me up, then insult me with £20 and patronise me with "treat yourself", the only thing my doctor will say to that is "about time you great a backbone and stopped letting users walk all over you"

Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/10/2017 19:56

*grew

BelleandBeast · 12/10/2017 19:57

Friends don't leave friends with no money because they have spent it on their kids while they've been living it up in Paris.

I'm furious for you, I really want to see you get angry and stand up for yourself.

KalaLaka · 12/10/2017 19:57

I would look after my friends' children for free, but they are genuinely good, decent people. They would also repay the favour if they could. This person is NOT a friend: she's using you and she's dishonest with all her dealings with you.

zoomiee · 12/10/2017 19:57

So she’s literally ‘telling on you’? Where does this woman get off? Outrageous behaviour!

Stand firm. Repeat- stand firm. Do not let allow her to make you think you are in the wrong.

Manipulative bitch.

CornyCollins · 12/10/2017 19:58

Wow, you need to drop these two like hot rocks and do it now.

Self esteem is something that you build, it doesn't just pop up one day. People like this are just chipping away at it and using you. It will never get better as they are hugely selfish. You WILL feel better standing up for yourself and it will open doors for you in terms of how you feel about yourself and how you feel about your life. Your children deserve better my love that to have to share you constantly with offloaded children.

I would suggest maybe she puts some of her expensive purchases on eBay and reimburse you that way! Unbelievable cheek.

category12 · 12/10/2017 19:58

What a manipulative response - trying to make out it's your mental health, not her cheeky fuckery.