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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everyone using me for childcare

450 replies

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 13:00

I have two children, a boy and a girl, I live in a flat, recently a new neighbour moved in above me with twin boys my sons age and a little girl the same age as my daughter. They attend the same nursery and school. One day she asked for my number to arrange a play date, I said okay. She called about 2 weeks later asking me to pick up her daughter from nursery, it progressed week by week till it was dropping off or collecting from nursery or school three times a week. Then when they were with me I'd give snacks. One of the twins had an allergy and she hadn't told me, I only found out on offering snacks one day and asking her about it that evening. When she would come for the kids she would text I'm going to come down for them in a couple minutes please put their coats and shoes on and have their bags ready. She has never offered me a penny or given me any food. I don't enjoy having my house constantly filled with kids, but she views it as I'm home and she's at work, therefore I can help out. But it's tiring and stressful.

So I was complaining to my friend one day and she said oh you should charge her at least £30 a day, she's getting free childcare. Anyways this friend was going to a wedding in Paris with her husband and asked me 4 months ago to have her three children, three little girls (12, 7, 5). She kept saying she would give money for them for food, for my time and for an activity or two. So I had the children for a week they're back with her now and she said she had put the money into my account. So imagine my shock when I went to the bank and it was only £20 in my account. Feeding them alone had cost more than that. I feel like such a mug. I'm on benefits and watching every penny but these cheeky fuckers have taken the piss.

And on her Facebook are photos of her shopping in Paris and visiting expensive restaurants and venues with her husband. They both have a higher income than me.

I think they're being extremely unreasonable about their childcare expectations.

OP posts:
Nandoshoes · 12/10/2017 21:27

I'm actually so annoyed for you. I think your 'friend' and her husband are taking you for such a mug.

Don't ever be friends with them again. You sound such a kind hearted lovely woman I would love a friend like you in RL ! X

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/10/2017 21:27

Just told ex if he's planning to stay he's sharing the blow up bed with nan and she's winked at him and told him she's keeping in her dentures tonight and he might get lucky.

I like your nan - she sounds great! Grin

Fishface77 · 12/10/2017 21:28

Op I'm on my way.
Tell nan to put on kettle and tell ex to move over!
Party at yours!
What are we celebrating? Your backbone. And the fact that it cost a lot but you've managed to rid yourself of a cheeky fucker or 2.
I'm a shit and would absolutely plaster it all over social media. I would also say x is now gas lighting and saying I have mental health problems to get out of paying! the tight cow.

elevenclips · 12/10/2017 21:29

Instead of a pic of the empty purse you need to say: cinema cost x, aquarium cost y, food cost z. Total =£xxx and that's including nothing for my time and effort.

Appuskidu · 12/10/2017 21:29

Why doesn't your nan ring this woman and out her straight on a few things?

RandomMess · 12/10/2017 21:29

I would text your friends Husband back tbh and tell him that she said she would cover food costs for her 3 plus the money to do activities x an y. You have sort £on admissions charges for the 3 DC and the extra food had cost you £ so £ altogether. Therefore you are very hurt and upset that she only given you £20. So your savings for your kids Christmas gifts has been spent on his DC whilst they had a lovely week holiday. How would he feel if it was the other way around?

You need to spell out the truth to him not the crock of shit "friend" has told him.

PoisonousSmurf · 12/10/2017 21:31

I think that the 'friend' is not paying clueless much because of Ofsted.
She (the Paris tripper), is a nasty piece of work.
Tell her you are NOT her friend and then say that you would be breaking the law as per...

www.devon.gov.uk/cypsfactsheet-disc6-childmindingbetweenfriends.pdf

elevenclips · 12/10/2017 21:31

Neither of these bitches are your friends.

Say: no. I need family time with my kids anytime you are asked for childcare. These requests are fucking outrageous.

Reply to friend: you ruined the friendship by not paying for your kids cinema tickets, aquarium tickets and food. You are a dishonest thief as you had promised to specifically pay for these items.

PoisonousSmurf · 12/10/2017 21:32

If she tries to leave the children with you again, call social services to report abandoned children!

TheQueenOfWands · 12/10/2017 21:32

Agree with RandomMess.

Say exactly that.

Allthewaves · 12/10/2017 21:34

What random said

Tell her exact cost of cinema and aquarium.

AhNowTed · 12/10/2017 21:36

Definitely what Random said

Storminateapot · 12/10/2017 21:37

Do your family always over-react like this? You're obviously over 30 yet they come hysterically running over with overnight bags because you're having a mild argument with someone? It's very infantilising and is no wonder you find it d

Clutterbugsmum · 12/10/2017 21:38

I was going to say the same as randommess said, spell it out in cold hard facts to her DH.

Then when you get the money you can freely tell her fuck off to the far side of fuck for using you, and not block her on everything. Also give your mum and nan permission to do the same.

Storminateapot · 12/10/2017 21:38

Stupid phone - so hard to stand up for yourself.

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 21:38

Her husband has just texted that he will write me a cheque and drop it off tomorrow for me.

And she's just texted that he's doing no such thing, they don't have the funds, they need to pay their car notes, bills etc.

She says I can get £50 end of November and the other £50 end of December but my greed will be leaving her family in a pickle and she hopes I'm glad with myself and wonders how I sleep at night.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/10/2017 21:38

Just out of interest; if you were instructed to take her kids to the cinema and aquarium, why did you think it was ok to have her pay you afterwards?
Most people would have handed the cash over at the time of asking, didn’t you think there was anything amiss?

TheQueenOfWands · 12/10/2017 21:40

Your greed?

Grin

I hope you're laughing. You really should be laughing.

Nousernameforme · 12/10/2017 21:41

Once you have the cheque and its cashed make sure they know you wont be doing it again. Dont let him give you the money as if that clears everything up and you can go back to normal cause even if they pay up its taking the piss

Jux · 12/10/2017 21:41

She is a bitch who takes advantage of you, and doesn't care how low she sinks in order to get the better of you.

Text her back. How dare she assume that just because you responded rationally to a derisory offer from her that you're out of your wits?

Tell ex to go home. Show your nan this thread, and ask her if she thinks it's OK for someone who can afford what your friend does, to chuck twenty quid in your direction when you've hosted her 3 kids for a week. If she thinks it's OK when it means your kids will go short at Xmas.

LaContessaDiPlump · 12/10/2017 21:42

Tell her you'll struggle initially with the guilt, but that the sight of your children having an actual Christmas dinner (bought with her money) will cheer you right up Grin

Gemini69 · 12/10/2017 21:43

I'm absolutely raging reading this Witches responses to you Lady... finally we get to the root of her Arrogance.. SHE IS SKINT !! well that is not your problem.. you need reimbursed... FAST x

DamsonGin · 12/10/2017 21:43

They've just been to fucking Paris!

DingleBerries · 12/10/2017 21:44

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Fishface77 · 12/10/2017 21:44

Tell her you want £100 cash ASAP or you will be telling everyone.
These kind of people rely on others being too embarrassed to tell anyone about their behaviour but it's her who should be embarrassed.

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