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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everyone using me for childcare

450 replies

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 13:00

I have two children, a boy and a girl, I live in a flat, recently a new neighbour moved in above me with twin boys my sons age and a little girl the same age as my daughter. They attend the same nursery and school. One day she asked for my number to arrange a play date, I said okay. She called about 2 weeks later asking me to pick up her daughter from nursery, it progressed week by week till it was dropping off or collecting from nursery or school three times a week. Then when they were with me I'd give snacks. One of the twins had an allergy and she hadn't told me, I only found out on offering snacks one day and asking her about it that evening. When she would come for the kids she would text I'm going to come down for them in a couple minutes please put their coats and shoes on and have their bags ready. She has never offered me a penny or given me any food. I don't enjoy having my house constantly filled with kids, but she views it as I'm home and she's at work, therefore I can help out. But it's tiring and stressful.

So I was complaining to my friend one day and she said oh you should charge her at least £30 a day, she's getting free childcare. Anyways this friend was going to a wedding in Paris with her husband and asked me 4 months ago to have her three children, three little girls (12, 7, 5). She kept saying she would give money for them for food, for my time and for an activity or two. So I had the children for a week they're back with her now and she said she had put the money into my account. So imagine my shock when I went to the bank and it was only £20 in my account. Feeding them alone had cost more than that. I feel like such a mug. I'm on benefits and watching every penny but these cheeky fuckers have taken the piss.

And on her Facebook are photos of her shopping in Paris and visiting expensive restaurants and venues with her husband. They both have a higher income than me.

I think they're being extremely unreasonable about their childcare expectations.

OP posts:
BaDumShh · 12/10/2017 21:17

OP your “friend” is an absolute cunt.

dustarr73 · 12/10/2017 21:18

Taking the kids is am awful look as well.Its not moneygrabbing.Its getting back what's rightfully mine.

BaDumShh · 12/10/2017 21:19

Being an entitled bitch expecting your financially struggling friend to pay all expenses for your 3 children for 7 day’s whilst you swan off to Paris is an “awful look”.

KatharinaRosalie · 12/10/2017 21:19

Money grabbing is an awful look - I know, isn't it? Having someone babysitting, feeding and entertaining your kids for a week for 20 quid is indeed very grabby, I'm glad we're on the same page now

tootssweet · 12/10/2017 21:19

Stealing food from kids is also not a good look!
Maybe someone needs to stop thinking they are a medical professional & understand pharmacology!

dustarr73 · 12/10/2017 21:19

That shouldbe piss not kids

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 12/10/2017 21:19

Do you realise your "friend" actually got PAID £20.70 child benefit that week for just one child. Total would have been over £48. She made an £18 profit that week.

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 12/10/2017 21:20

Sorry mistyped. £28 profit.

seven201 · 12/10/2017 21:20

Get your nan to call her

jeaux90 · 12/10/2017 21:20

Tell her it's a side effect of having a cheeky fucker who is tighter than a gnats arse for a friend.

DamsonGin · 12/10/2017 21:20

Tight and exploitative isn't a great look either.

(So glad you texted the purse pic Grin )

Snausage · 12/10/2017 21:21

Gah! What an awful creature she is!

She's STILL gaslighting you. How on earth can she think that you're being unreasonable to ask for the money you spent on her kids for an entire bloody week while she was living it up in Paris?

OP, you have the patience of a saint. I don't know how you've not told her to fuck off and never contact you again.

Gemini69 · 12/10/2017 21:21

Let you NAN loose on her... Grin

SonicBoomBoom · 12/10/2017 21:21

Well, are you going to say NO next time wither of these cheeky fuckers ask you for free childcare?

AhNowTed · 12/10/2017 21:22

Well she's certainly lain down the gauntlet and no mistake

TheQueenOfWands · 12/10/2017 21:22

Well, your ex seems sweet for sticking up for you. Albeit in his pyjamas.

And your nan bringing herbal tea? Well, that's just gorgeous. Loving your nan.

The mate's a prick. But at least now you've seen her true colours.

Clueless1315 · 12/10/2017 21:22

Just told ex if he's planning to stay he's sharing the blow up bed with nan and she's winked at him and told him she's keeping in her dentures tonight and he might get lucky.

OP posts:
TimetohittheroadJack · 12/10/2017 21:22

Reply: Real friends don't leave their friends out of pocket when they look after their children for a week.

TheMaddHugger · 12/10/2017 21:23

That escalated quickly

(Hug) OP

Everyone using me for childcare
wannabestressfree · 12/10/2017 21:23

I love the gnats arse comment. I have to be honest I would blow a fuse if someone implied any issues I had were down to medications I was/ was not taking.
Your issues are not that bad that they affect your ability to look after her children. Grrrrr I feel so cross on your behalf.
After reading about your sudden influx of people though I think you may have Work to do!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/10/2017 21:24

You could point out that you wouldn't suffer such bad depression if people didn't treat you like sh*t all the time!

She is making use of your vulnerability and is incredibly manipulative - sociopathic, probably.

I agree with Gemini that she is dangerous, and also think that you will never get better there are people like her around you undermining your confidence and self-esteem.

You are worth more. Fight like a demon - you may not win, but by God, you can give her a run for her (your) money. And as others have suggested - make it public. She has dragged your family into it with a show of faux concern - turn this against her on FB by openly stating that you are happy to help her out but can't afford to subsidise her and her family.

Show her up for what she is. At worst it will mean that she won't try a trick like this again. At best she may be shamed into paying what she owes.

DamsonGin · 12/10/2017 21:24

Grin Go nan!

TheQueenOfWands · 12/10/2017 21:25

Wouldn't it be better if your nan took her dentures out for any dirty shenanigans?

Or am I focusing on the wrong issue?

MrsA2015 · 12/10/2017 21:26

How horrible, reply by saying"remember you a advice to me about my neighbor? All I'm asking is for what's fair to be able to give my children a nice xmas or to be able to afford another trip to the aquarium"

Athome77 · 12/10/2017 21:27

Nan shacking up withgranddaughters ex would be one for Jeremy kyle