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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mums not allowed.... at school. WTAF???

167 replies

HeadmasterIsShit · 12/10/2017 10:12

So our headmaster doesn't want mums to hang around in the playground in the morning or anywhere in school grounds. We are specifically told to wave to our kids goodbye at the gates and off they go!!! He wants a parents free school especially in the morning!!
I'm kind of ok with this but if I need to go in for some reason I m getting this dodgy look from him. So this morning I really had to speak to the secretary after I dropped my 5yo and there he was the bloody annoying headmaster giving me the shittiest look ever!
I'm bloody paying 6K a term for that school and I think I am allowed to go in once a fortnight if I need to!!!
AIBU?

OP posts:
ohthegoats · 13/10/2017 22:13

I'm a teacher. I really, really don't want to have a conversation beyond simple logistics before school or at child drop off time. It never takes 'just a second', and frankly impacts on the start of the school day, my state of mind when I'm trying to sort myself out, and sometimes the education of 29 other children. I don't like having a conversation with a parent about a child's behaviour when the child is hanging around either. Don't mind after school so much, but definitely prefer after school when an appointment has been made.

I stay late after school so that I can just walk in with the kids in the morning, saves me having to hide in a cupboard.

martakeithy · 13/10/2017 23:01

I almost sent my ds to a school with the parent free playground, but, luckily our first choice had additional places added.
I didnt. Relish the prospect and felt the school community was diminished.
The school where we sent ds had a positive attitude towards parents and was happy for families to gather in the playground before and after school, but the children were not accompanied into school. Before school the teachers would call in their class queue and generally were ok with quick exchanges about the child - she's got nits/a sore eye that sort of thing.
our office were great and would pass on forgotten glasses/water bottles/messages. I didnt ever feel they were too busy or that they resented parents intrusion.
My ds was happy and wr both had a great sense that we were part of the school family. He has thrived in the school

dtpitman1 · 14/10/2017 05:51

Love Geordie 1944 observations! Wicked wit!Smile

Cantseethewoods · 14/10/2017 06:28

We don't even need to get out of the car. There's a pull in lane manned by a teacher - the kids jump out of the car and straight into the school building, dump bags and then into the playground until the bell.

Parents can only meet teachers before school by appointment (which I agree with because they need to get organised for the day- I don't want an unscheduled meeting every morning before work either) but you're welcome to talk to the admin staff or the nurse.

mathanxiety · 14/10/2017 08:06

At my DCs' elementary school in the US no parent ever entered the school for drop off or pick up. We waved goodbye outside, they lined up and were admitted class by class at 7.55, led by teachers. The tardy bell rang at 8.03 and if a child was later than that they had to be buzzed in through the office door. Class started at 8.07 promptly. Everyone had to have their coats, hats, scarves, snowboots, snowpants, gloves, etc off and hanging in lockers (cubbies for 4 and 5 yos) by that time. Amazingly, even the smallest children managed to do this without help from parents.

All teachers and the principal guaranteed that they would return phone calls within 24 hours, and e-mails too.

It worked really well from every pov you could imagine - security, ease of transition, parents happy with responsiveness, teachers and principal and office staff all happy not to be waylaid by parents seizing an opportunity to buttonhole.

Parents were welcome to gather to chat on the sidewalk which was right outside the school but conversations could be heard in the classrooms if the windows were open and therefore it didn't happen a lot. People generally drifted off to a local coffee place and of course a lot of parents worked so pulled up and dropped off at the curb and off they went.

This was a private, fee paying school.

Theseaweed · 14/10/2017 08:28

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think it's fine if you need to pop into school every other week for a three minute pass over of information.
OP it's sounds like the ethos of the school is not for you. I would be looking elsewhere, there are plenty of other private schools where you're child would be nurtured. Good luck.

Fillyfolly · 14/10/2017 09:01

Well, sorry to disagree but I think it's a great idea. It'seems chaotic athe my children's school with the parents cluttering the playground in the morning. I have to literally elbow my way through the crowd it feels as if we're are going to a concert. Do the parents move out of the way when they see you coming? No they just carry chatting and those same people push right over you without as much as an excuse me.
It really puts me off first thing in the morning. My children do not like it either. I wish their school would adopt a no parent in the playground rule in the morning!

doodle01 · 14/10/2017 13:51

Respect his issues but surely you can chat outside if you want to.

doodle01 · 14/10/2017 13:53

There is safeguarding issue with any crowded place kids tend to escape and mingle with the crowd.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 14/10/2017 15:08

OP you sound so so wound up, and actually some of your posts are somewhat aggressive.

I suspect you are actually not an aggressive person or an PITA, rather you are incredibly stressed because you are juggling FT work with managing a school that is incompetent and definitely not good for your dc. You know it is not good but I suspect you just have not admitted it to yourself yet because it's hard to accept sometimes that a pretty massive part of your dc's life is wrong, and then you need to do the research into where you can actually send dc. Perhaps you need to carve out some time for yourself to think this through logically and sum up your options. Hope it improves for your dc.

Leamington99 · 14/10/2017 15:23

I'm kind of ok with this but if I need to go in for some reason I m getting this dodgy look from him.

He’s looking at you like that because YOU’RE specifically disobeying the rule they set out, whilst being completely aware of it? It’s okay for other parents to leave, but not you?

Can’t what you say be sorted with a call/email/note from son? Every fortnight, I wouldn’t be surprised if you helped to inspire the rule tbh. Mornings are busy for the school and ‘just’ a ‘quick chat’ for you isn’t necessarily convenient for them. The secretary has other tasks, phone calls to handle etc. It’s obviously causing them issues hence them bringing in this rule.

I'm bloody paying 6K a term for that school and I think I am allowed to go in once a fortnight if I need to!!!

Well, so do all the other parents so what exactly makes YOU special? You don’t work there/attend there, so you don’t need to be there past dropping off. You pay term fees, you don’t own the school hun...

ceeveebee · 14/10/2017 15:31

We have exactly the same in the mornings - we have to wave the children off at the gate (but if I need to go to the office that's fine as there is a separate entrance for that). Don't see the problem with it, if I need to speak to the teacher I do it at pickup or make an appointment

Oliversmumsarmy · 14/10/2017 16:21

The issue comes when your dc is not meeting their targets or is being bullied and you can't speak to anyone or you can't see the office staff even to show you have paid something and they ignore your emails.

Whilst things run smoothly it is fine but when things don't and you are met with a brick wall that is when things implode.

It was only after I took ds out of school did his teacher who I had tried to get an appointment with for months actually speak to me and apologise that she never read emails.

cherish123 · 15/10/2017 16:53

Sometimes parents hang around too long (particularly parents of badly adjusted kids, for some reason) and it makes starting the school day more stressful for children and staff. I suspect he just wants a smooth start to the day for all - that will be the reason for the rule. However, I am sure he would not have a problem with you dropping off forms etc with the secretary (as long as you have a good reason). Some schooling actually allow parents into the building to drop off which is a nightmare (although most school have done away with it as it can be upsetting for some children).

cherish123 · 15/10/2017 16:56

Theseaweed- are you seriously suggesting that OP moves her child because she does not like a small rule for parents which is actually helping the school to run smoothly? A move would surely be more disruptive!

cherish123 · 15/10/2017 17:01

Just read about food intolerance incident- could you provide food for him or meet after school or work?

MenagerieMum · 15/10/2017 21:26

OP gone very quiet! Probably too busy berating the husband/nanny/au pair, housekeeper and chef/chauffeur.
Get a life. No 5yr old needs extra tuition whatever school (state or fee paying).
Poor little lad...

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