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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums not allowed.... at school. WTAF???

167 replies

HeadmasterIsShit · 12/10/2017 10:12

So our headmaster doesn't want mums to hang around in the playground in the morning or anywhere in school grounds. We are specifically told to wave to our kids goodbye at the gates and off they go!!! He wants a parents free school especially in the morning!!
I'm kind of ok with this but if I need to go in for some reason I m getting this dodgy look from him. So this morning I really had to speak to the secretary after I dropped my 5yo and there he was the bloody annoying headmaster giving me the shittiest look ever!
I'm bloody paying 6K a term for that school and I think I am allowed to go in once a fortnight if I need to!!!
AIBU?

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 12/10/2017 11:22

A poster mentioned me asking him directly if there is a problem... i might do that actually as certain posts here make me even more wound up (rightly so!!) . This staring thing will have to stop or I'm gonna end up going up there daily on purpose!

Hmm

You asked for opinions. People have given them.

If people not agreeing with you is going to wind you up then don't ask a bunch of anonymous peoole for their opinion.

ilovesooty · 12/10/2017 11:24

How can they be on holiday all the time?

Original poster
HeadmasterIsShit · 12/10/2017 11:24

WitchesHatRim you're confusing me: I said I agreed with that particular suggestion didn't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
HeadmasterIsShit · 12/10/2017 11:25

ilovesooty private schools have many more weeks off in the year!

OP posts:
2014newme · 12/10/2017 11:28

The biggest use of tutors is among gathering children in fee paying schools.
Op it doesn't sound like you are getting much for your £6k per term tbh. Your son could be average for free in a state school

AtHomeDadGlos · 12/10/2017 11:29

Did you sue them? If not you should have done.

And a tutor in maths for a 5 year old is ridiculous.

JacquesHammer · 12/10/2017 11:33

DD is in her last year of a private prep.

Parents are allowed in the playgrouns to the "parents bell" then when that rings we're expected to leave. The school bell then rings.

In the morning all form teachers are in the playground and you can access them for a quick chat. Otherwise the only other place you can access in the morning is the school office.

GerdaLovesLili · 12/10/2017 11:34

It does beg the question of whether you are paying all that money.

Is it because you think the school are giving the best education and pastoral care possible (And clearly you don't think that otherwise you wouldn't need to pop in so regularly, be aware of the HT's scathing looks, or think that your tiny child needed extra tuition)?

Or is it because you are demonstrating that you can afford the money and the education and pastoral care don't really matter?

Either way, you really should consider moving your child to a school that will be a better fit for both of you. One that demonstrably cares about health issues without you nagging them on a bi-weekly basis and one that doesn't expect small children to be geniuses.

WellThisIsShit · 12/10/2017 11:35

TBH this school does not sound good!

Maybe it has a great reputation, but the fact is the school appears to be failing your son.

The ridiculous extra tutoring to hot house a 5hr old, will only achieve turning your child off learning altogether.

The dangerous mess up with allergies shows a certain disregard for individual children's wellbeing.

You don't have to send him to this school do you? I'd be looking to change schools...

GerdaLovesLili · 12/10/2017 11:35

Why, not whether! d'oh!

GColdtimer · 12/10/2017 11:37

Utterly flabberghasted people pay £6k per term for a 5 year old. And then this "So other than the 6K per term I'm now paying weekly speech therapy and almost daily private tuition!"

Your poor, poor son.

I recognise I have missed the point of the thread but YABU to put your DS under that type of pressure.

becotide · 12/10/2017 11:38

You are wasting your money if your child is needing tuition at a £6000 PA SCHOOL! My eldest, who has adhd and autism, could rread and write by the time he was 5 at his frankly-not-great state primary, because they were focused on the needs of the children, not the results of the children. He didn't need tuition because he had plenty of state funded extra help.

In a class of ten, no child should need extra tuition, unless the class is being taught by an abject failure of a teacher.

liz70 · 12/10/2017 11:38

It's a school, not a parent and toddler group. No parents allowed in the school grounds in the morning here either - we drop them at the gates and skip joyfully away. We only go into the grounds in the afternoon to pick them up as they file out of their respective exits. If anybody has business with the school in the morning they have to walk around the corner to the main entrance (DD3 goes in the side gate which is nearest to us) and buzz the intercom to the school office.

All fairly standard, I'd have thought.

becotide · 12/10/2017 11:39

PS if you really don't want state schooling, there are plenty of much,much better private schools than thhis shitshow.

You are being ripped off. For the amount you are paying, you could employ him a full time private tutor.

TheVanguardSix · 12/10/2017 11:41

YABU
School is for kids not parents.
You don't need to hang around on the playground chatting with parents.
It's your kid's school not your social club.
Drop and go with a good hug.
I am so certain parents are allowed at your child school if there's a need but no parent needs to linger on the playground. It's annoying.

Original poster
HeadmasterIsShit · 12/10/2017 11:43

Ok all very good points! I think dh and I were sold into the fact that DS needs the extra tuition - I dont really get it tbh as he's reading, writing perfectly, doing maths etc but he's just not perfect and using their own words he needs to be an 'independent worker' and I assume he's not. I guess they make us feel like average is not good enough as the other 9 boys in the class are better .... and when you're a working parent full of pressure you do 'trust' the school you choose to educate your kid, you don't challenge you just trust
All are very good points and I am truly very thankful! We actually have parents evening tonight so this will be interesting
becotide its per term not per annum Confused

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 12/10/2017 11:44

I can remember this many years ago when my ds1 was in reception.
You waved them off at the gates and used a difference entrance if you wanted to go to the office for anything.
I thought it was good and taught independence, it was only when we moved and found schools round here didn't do this.
I suppose it's better without having parents faffing with coats, book bags, etc.

BlueSapp · 12/10/2017 11:44

first world problems.

Original poster
HeadmasterIsShit · 12/10/2017 11:47

YABU
School is for kids not parents.
You don't need to hang around on the playground chatting with parents.
It's your kid's school not your social club

Really?? Chatting with parents? Is that what you concluded from my posts?

OP posts:
Bekabeech · 12/10/2017 11:51

Head - lots of people have sympathy for you, don't respond to the grumpy ones.
At my DCs school we were allowed in, and yes parents hung around to chat (not right where the kids went in) but they also raised thousands of pounds for the school.

I do wonder what exactly you are paying for - I wouldn't want to pay for a tutor if my DC were at a private school (or not unless things were severe).

Hullabaloo31 · 12/10/2017 11:54

We're not allowed past the gates to drop off at my son's primary school in the morning. Reception mums are allowed to walk children down for the first 2 terms and then they start encouraging gate drop-off after this. Certainly not allowed in the classroom though.

There's always 3 teachers on the gate doing the car drop system they have, and if you reeeeaally needed to go to the office they'd let you, but we're asked to do anything office-related PM instead as they're just too busy in the mornings. Same with catching teachers, they're always fine to catch after school for a quick issue or to arrange a time if it's something more lengthy.

The reasoning behind it is so that once children are in the playground or classrooms, they are more easy to supervise and any adult they can see is one who works there and can help if needed, rather than loads of mums hanging around chatting.

ShatnersWig · 12/10/2017 12:01

so what's the issue with me going up every two weeks for 3mins if something needs to be done!

Another one who doesn't get this. How have schools changed so much that parents need to go to school regularly? The only time my mum ever went to my primary or infants school was for sports day or parents' evening.

gillybeanz · 12/10/2017 12:02

and when you're a working parent full of pressure you do 'trust' the school you choose to educate your kid, you don't challenge you just trust

No you don't just trust. Why on earth would you do this, whether you work or not? Confused
You make time, you research, you make your children your priority.

FWIW, my dd is private and I'm constantly aware of what she is doing and how school are meeting her needs. As parents we reassess every half term and would give notice immediately if it wasn't right.
She certainly wouldn't still be in the same school if they didn't meet her needs and fucked up, resulting in a hospital stay.
Your poor ds, move him to a better school, you can't get much worse.

glitterlips1 · 12/10/2017 12:02

We are encouraged to leave the grounds because the children can hear the parents in the playground when their class is taking place, even more so if there are toddlers in the playground. Also, some children do PE first thing and that sometimes happens in the playground. After school they are a bit more relaxed but do lock the gates when after school clubs are going on for the safety of children. I agree with that. We just go for a coffee to chat outside. However, our school has an open door policy to chat to staff so if reception is open we are allowed to go in etc.

JacquesHammer · 12/10/2017 12:08

Another one who doesn't get this. How have schools changed so much that parents need to go to school regularly?

My DD has asthma - she is on a fluid dosage based care plan which I need to update on any given day given her current state of health.

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