Mums not allowed.... at school. WTAF???

[HeadmasterIsShit]

So our headmaster doesn't want mums to hang around in the playground in the morning or anywhere in school grounds. We are specifically told to wave to our kids goodbye at the gates and off they go!!! He wants a parents free school especially in the morning!!
I'm kind of ok with this but if I need to go in for some reason I m getting this dodgy look from him. So this morning I really had to speak to the secretary after I dropped my 5yo and there he was the bloody annoying headmaster giving me the shittiest look ever!
I'm bloody paying 6K a term for that school and I think I am allowed to go in once a fortnight if I need to!!!
AIBU?

It doesn't sound odd to me either.

Already happens at my Child's School. It started with Parents bringing dogs into the playground or they would have dogs at the main gate preventing some children from entering through fear. Some dog owners seem to believe their animals are cute and everybody loves them. They aren't and not everybody thinks they should be off the menu.. Some Parents are always asked over and over again to park sensibly. get to school on time, wear the uniform, don't bring dogs, don't come to school in your dressing gown etc etc but they don't listen because they're way too important to listen and the world owes them a debt for their importance. The trouble as I see it is nowadays nobody gets hold of the idiots to tell them to stop being anti-social so we all must pay the price.
At my child's school we all got used to it. Now the kids are safer. Incidentally as a Foster Carer we looked after two girls and it later transpired that two people who were in the playground each morning were their abusers (man and woman with a dog coincidentally). So I kindof agree we must protect the kids from the idiots.

Hmmm sounds like Highgate.

Oh, my goodness!!! It is 2017, schools are practically fortresses now. To have people wandering around is a serious safeguarding issue. It is not personal. Think how worried you would be if the school did let any random person who happened to be dropping a child off that morning walk around inside the school where your child is supposed to be safe?? I work in a school and nobody gets into the building without a security pass. If people need to speak to office staff then it is via a hatch in a lobby area, not inside the locked school. Teachers are all outside their classes in the morning to talk to parents but no one comes in. It is to keep your child safe! The headmaster is doing the right thing, don't put him in a difficult position where he needs to explain safeguarding to you.

"and when you're a working parent full of pressure you do 'trust' the school you choose to educate your kid, you don't challenge you just trust

No you don't just trust. Why on earth would you do this, whether you work or not? confused
You make time, you research, you make your children your priority.

FWIW, my dd is private and I'm constantly aware of what she is doing and how school are meeting her needs. As parents we reassess every half term and would give notice immediately if it wasn't right."

^^
This.

We do this also. I'd be doing it for any service costing me upwards of 6k a year.

It sounds like the school buildings, especially the reception and entrances are poorly designed. All the primary schools (all state) that I've come across have a separate reception area from drop-off area. They also all have open receptions where parents can speak to reception staff about letters/medicines etc. without impacting on teaching time.

Honestly, save yourselves £18k a year and try your local state school. It can't be any worse than what you are experiencing and will probably be a whole lot better. You can still pay for the tutoring if you really, truly think it is helping your DS.

This seems the new thing for non private schools in our area, we have the lead staff the headmistress and her deputies on the gates and teaching assistants with note books on the entrance doors to take notes to pass to the teacher. You can take the children to the classroom in reception but otherwise it's drop them at the gate and leave unless you need to give the door monitor a message. I personally think it's a shame it has ruined the schools community we don't see other parents now so don't know what is going on with other children in the class and have no chance to catch up. The knock on effect is the ptfa has dwindled and the chance to try and gather helpers for events gone. The the most annoying thing is you can't speack to your child's teacher. The head will then lock you in the playground if your not gone by 8.55 and you have the shame of having to be let out via the office!
At pick up they cone a section along the play ground off don't open the gates till five minuets before the bell goes then left you in it's a made rush and you are to stay behind the cones or out side the playground to collect your child who is sent to you once you have waved at their teachers to acknowledge you have seen your child. It becomes a free for all with children trying to get out parents trying to get in it's all a bit crazy. Reception children are kept in the classroom and you have to go to the door to be handed them. It's not great but I'm not to sure how else the can do it unless the staggered the finishing time for the ks1 & ks2 children we have over 600 children one playground and two gates it's not ideal!

Put anything urgent in a note, then discuss in person at hometime.

They're starting their class day; the teacher can't see one, or more likely several parents without it affecting all of the children.

ignore the 'do you need to' brigade.. your child has special needs with his diet, and the school ought to be making it easier to keep lines of communication open with you.

My kids school opens the gates at 8.35 and locks them again at 9am. Kids are allowed in between 8.45 and 8.55 , we're expected to be on the playground to watch them, but aren't allowed into the school, instead the Teachers who open the doors are available for any needed messages in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening, and the office staff are available all day for anything else.

My DS is one of the SEN students with an EHCP, I have to speak to his TA twice daily at drop off and pick up.

My DD who doesn't have SEN I think I've spoken to her teacher once all term and he came to find me at pick up because she was refusing to do some work.

I'm glad mine don't go to many of these schools! We have an open door policy and parents can sign in and chat to teachers before school any day. Obviously before school, not as be children are coming in.
Parents often pop.into the office too, to order a school dinner, hand in a form, tell someone their child wasn't feeling great/hasn't slept well etc so their teacher can be made aware.
If there's something that needs more discussion, you can book an appointment with your child's teacher to talk about it for longer.

I am feeling very grateful for our much more welcoming school!

Your son's school sounds awful OP. Move on! And don't engage with requests for tutoring a child that young, utterly ridiculous. He needs to be playing!

Have read most but not all thread. Surely there's a big difference between being in school and playground. Our kids line up when the bell goes but before that we can all
Go in. It's nice to be sociable. A couple of parents have tried to collar teacher on way on but they're told not to so it's not an issue. (There always a couple who do what they want whatever happens). I would be a bit perplexed by not being allowed in the vicinity. Sounds
Like there are other issues too though OP.

Aargh I meant we can go in the playground. Not the school

Thank goodness parents are welcome at our school - we can even stay and have coffee (provided free by school) for an hour after drop off.

It's not a prison! Your kids aren't prisoners. It's supposed to be a parent teacher PARTNERSHIP. If you're not happy write a letter explaining why:

Well at least you have the choice to move him. That isn't an option in many state schools.

I'm going be a bit controversial ! I love if I can get take my dd school and the journey but I find going on the play ground quite stressful with some of the cliques sometimes it's about 15 mins on the play ground ! I wish I could drop straight off , usually at work for 8 and don't get back till after 6.

That’s an awful lot of money.

I worked in a school, and I personally always had time for the parents. Now I am a parent and my son is at school, I find that his teachers really do not want to make any effort at all with parents, and I find this very frustrating!
We are told very little about the teaching that is going on on a day to day basis, and are given the cold shoulder every time we approach a teacher, its disgusting.
I'm basically leaving the most important person in my life in their hands, and I want to know that he is going to be okay! its not much to ask for!

I would not stand for it, particularly as you say you are paying for it! he should be welcoming with you with open bloody arms!
Without you he wouldn't have a job, more effort is needed nowadays on a whole in all schools between teachers and parents, we are quite often left out in the cold!

Like some others our primary had a very welcoming attitude to parents and carers. We brought them in in reception and after that were allowed in the playground/school office whenever we needed. Consequently, teachers and parents got to know each other a bit, and the school office knew all the parents by first name. Many parents helped out at school, and raised £££ for the pta. It's a partnership, based on mutual respect, and I wouldn't send a child to a school where I was treated like the enemy.

Well this is how we do drop off here in Australia:

At my child's school we all got used to it. Now the kids are safer. Incidentally as a Foster Carer we looked after two girls and it later transpired that two people who were in the playground each morning were their abusers (man and woman with a dog coincidentally). So I kindof agree we must protect the kids from the idiots

My youngest had a similar experience. She is a young adult and has SN. Her minibus had just pulled into the college grounds and her abisive father and his nasty gf tried to coax her of the bus. When that didn't work, as the driver prevented them from getting on, they became verbialy abusive.

The college now has turnstiles and gates, because of the number of people using the car park and wandering through the college, that can only be opened by passes. My little girl told me "brilliant 'father' and 'gf' can't get me now." I was shocked when I realised how the fear of them getting her, was still in her mind, nearly three years after she came to live with me. 😢

It's natural that everyone wants what's best for them and their children, but please remember the teachers need to protect ALL the students.

Florissapple I'm defo emigrating that was hilarious

I read this thread with growing astonishment. You are being charged £100 per day for a school which requires you to spend additional money on private tuition to meet the educational standards they require but fail to reach themselves in classes of ten! This place sounds like a bucket shop whose chief expertise is separating fools from their money. As for imposing three lots of additional tuition on a five year old, I'd better not say what I really feel because it would c cause too much outrage, I daresay. And next time the headmaster gives you a funny look, ask yourself if it is the look he reserves for mugs who pay his extortionate fees, follow his outrageous advice and feather his no doubt very comfortable nest.

OMG this issue really gets me worked up, I have rated my 4dc schools often by how inclusive they are. It isnt a question of hanging around after the kids have gone in making a noise and distracting, by that time you need to be gone, but at that age it does them no harm to see that parents etc are entirely happy to be on the premises. He’s only 5 FFS, i think this is just bollocks. I have experience of both private and state schools at all stages. I think it is far healthier to be aware of your children, seeing for yourself how they interact with their peers etc and if you are able (and want to, I’m not desperately keen but like to be able to) have a quick chat with other parents you get to know of problems quicker. I really loathe the attitude that cuts a parent off and basically tells them they are not needed. It is a partnership!! As for the tutor question I’m afraid that is no surprise, you pay a fortune but still shell out on tutors. Drives me mad. I make a point of making friends with the school office staff, they will always then welcome you. I suspect this headmaster’s attitude is something he enforces across all his staff so get out now, you dont get a second chance and you are paying a fortune to be cut out of your child’s life. Unacceptable, if he’s like this with the 5 yr olds what is he like when they get older. I would also worry about the message that sends to your child about being able to confide in you and turn to you. Would you know if he’s being bullied by either child or adult? He’s not a bird to be chucked out of a 20ft nest and left to manage on his own. Please look for an inclusive school. This sort of attitude is Stone Age and when you leave tell the headmaster why. I agree that average is fine, you want your children to have a childhood not a cramming of education and no life skills with early burn out.

My ds used to go to a school with this policy. He was being bullied prior to classtime, and school was doing nothing about it. The school communication was rubbish - you could leave messages in person, put notes in the homework book, in his bookbag, ring the school and leave a message an email to the school/teacher. NOTHING was answered. We never got any notice of what was going on in class. Trying to get a meeting with the teacher regarding my child struggling with the work was impossible - I finally had to stand in the office and refuse to leave until they scheduled an appointment with the teacher. It was insanity. No shock that they were badly organised, with new admin that were making changes left and right.