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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums not allowed.... at school. WTAF???

167 replies

HeadmasterIsShit · 12/10/2017 10:12

So our headmaster doesn't want mums to hang around in the playground in the morning or anywhere in school grounds. We are specifically told to wave to our kids goodbye at the gates and off they go!!! He wants a parents free school especially in the morning!!
I'm kind of ok with this but if I need to go in for some reason I m getting this dodgy look from him. So this morning I really had to speak to the secretary after I dropped my 5yo and there he was the bloody annoying headmaster giving me the shittiest look ever!
I'm bloody paying 6K a term for that school and I think I am allowed to go in once a fortnight if I need to!!!
AIBU?

OP posts:
Bunnyhipsdontliegrl · 12/10/2017 13:17

Doesn't the secretary have a phone or an email?

Maybe he gives you a look because there is always that parent who thinks they have a very good reason not to follow the rules (not you, obvioulsy Wink )

melj1213 · 12/10/2017 13:21

So the school costs you £6k a term yet:

  • The headmaster keeps giving you evils

  • There are rules you don't agree with

  • You feel the need to go into the office every two weeks to check up on the staff

  • The school put your child in hospital because they didn't pay attention to his food allergy/intolerance

  • There is only 10 children in your son's form and yet they think he needs private tutoring ... what exactly is his teacher doing all day?

  • You think the teachers are idiots

  • Your child is only 5 so this will continue for years

Remind me again why you're paying £6k for a school you think are incompetent and not pulling him out and sending him to another school that is better suited to him?

YABU - clearly you need to find a different school for your son but until then you have to deal with the rules the current school has in place.

gillybeanz · 12/10/2017 13:28

Why are you so hung up on working?
It really does have nothing to do with it.
I doubt you are the only working parent at the school, and if you are, do you think this makes a difference?

When you sign up to a school you agree with their policies, if you don't you look at one where you do.
The HT is probably glaring at you as you seem intent on not cooperating.

However, given that the school is failing your ds, why is he still there?

RolyRocks · 12/10/2017 13:29

Judging by your many posts on this thread and your other one, OP, I can see exactly why the Head might have been giving you a 'look'...

imtherealbummymummyotherisfake · 12/10/2017 13:48

A maths tutor for a 5 year old?! Ds won't even start school here until he's almost 6!!

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 12/10/2017 13:52

Thank fuck they don't do that at my DC's school yet. We're still responsible for our DC up until the bell rings. We do have to get out 5 minutes after the bell rings though, but that's so they can lock the gates and make sure that latecomers have to go to the office.

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 12/10/2017 13:56

Teachers don't have much time to talk before and after school, so I now email. If it's something I need to ask the secretary, I text via the school app.

listsandbudgets · 12/10/2017 14:08

DD's first school not encourage visitors coming in without an appointment. However, they are happy for parents to stay in playground and also to pop into the library with them which had a seperate entrance and opened at 8am. She's at senior now and we wouldn't dare hang about our children would be too embarrassed Grin

DS is in year 1 at a different school and while parents are not massively encouraged, they are happy for them to pop in to see teachers, look for lost property etc. Also they have an optional before school library session once a week for year groups 1-3 which parents are encouraged to pop along to if they possibly can - they do it 8.15 - 8.45am which is helpful as still time to get to work afterwards. good chance to see teachers, help your dc choose a book and meet some of their friends

Both schools are private but honestly I think ther'es massive variety across all schools. We have a catholic school which backs on to us and appears to discourage any parents coming in and I've got lots of friends with children at a school were they practically have an open door policy

MammaTJ · 12/10/2017 14:11

DS is average for his class and headmaster doesn't like average, he likes perfect so he's pushing us (and other similar parents ) for maths, English private support so DS gets to the perfect level

My response to this would be along the lines of 'Oh, I'm sorry if you don't have faith in the quality of teaching here, would you like to suggest a better school that can teach DS properly?'.

Bananamama1213 · 12/10/2017 14:15

On our "meet the teacher" thing, we were told to try save longer chats until AFTER school because the head teacher likes them all to be in.

The deputy head waits at the gate ready to shut it at 9 and ushers parents out. They go in at 8:55.

I speak to my DDs teacher quickly most mornings because she still has accidents so if she told me she needed to go, I let the teacher know so one of the TAs can take her straight away. Or if she's had an accident on the way.

MsPassepartout · 12/10/2017 14:22

At my DCs school the parents are allowed into school in the morning - parents are expected to take the Reception and Y1 children to their classrooms - but I can see the benefit to the school of a dropping them off at the gate system.

Most children, mine included, will settle down faster once the parents have gone, so it's less disruptive to have parents around in the morning. Even without parents trying to talk to the teachers about xyz while drop off is going on.

I agree with pp that the extra tutoring and speech therapy on top of tuition fees sounds odd and excessive for an average NT child. It would make me wonder whether the fees were worthwhile. The only children I know who've had that sort of intervention in school time are children with needs that aren't "average" (and in the case of the children I know who had speech therapy, this was funded via the NHS).

As far as going to the office to speak to secretaries etc is concerned - has the head given any guidance on times when parents are allowed to go to the office? Or guidance on preferred methods of contacting the office?

CountryLovingGirl · 12/10/2017 14:30

Our new head stopped parents entering the school playground in the mornings earlier this year. It all kicked off as a year 3 boy had managed to run out of school after his dad (who'd forgotten to give him his bag). He was seen by a teaching assistant but they freaked out at how easy a child managed to get out of the school grounds. They decided it was too risky to allow parents in as the playground was filled with people.
They now man the gates when kids are dropped off.
I don't see what the difference is with afternoon pick up though as the same thing could happen!

ForgivenessIsDivine · 12/10/2017 14:35

It really doesn't sound like this school is a good fit for your family. If there is lots of competition around, I would look elsewhere. Somewhere that meets your child's needs, is competent in managing food allergies and interacts with parents in a way that suits your needs.

Nacknick · 12/10/2017 14:48

Is it just mums that are being kept out of school? Just get his dad to take him if it is Confused

melj1213 · 12/10/2017 15:15

On our "meet the teacher" thing, we were told to try save longer chats until AFTER school because the head teacher likes them all to be in.

Same here with DD's school - if it's a quick "DD said she felt ill this morning but has no temperature and is otherwise fine in herself, can you keep an eye on her" then they don't mind but if it's anything else they want it saved for the end of the day.

They do this not only because they want everyone in but because all it takes is for one parent to need to give the teacher their child's entire life story instead of a quick "Keep an eye on them" and a 30 second interaction has turned into a 5/10 minute monologue, meanwhile the class is waiting to go in. Also most teachers are going to be in school after the 3:30 pick up but it is generally going to be doing admin/marking etc so if they have to put that on hold for 20 minutes to talk to little Johnny's mum then it's annoying but not the end of the world ... if little Johnny's mum wants to talk to the teacher in the morning, they can't just postpone school starting for 20 minutes in the same way.

Hillingdon · 12/10/2017 15:48

I am used to scary school fees and have a child at senior boarding so with those sorts of fees I would expect the right fit for my child.

You are clearly not happy with the school AND its not a good fit for you all. You are seemingly one of 'those' mothers who think the polices and rules are not there for you as you 'work'.

Both my DH and I 'work'. Its the only way we can afford the blooming fees in the first place so that is not unusual.

Tutoring at 5 is nonsense. Leave the school and find one more suitable for your needs. Are we talking London area btw?

My SIL was pulled to one side a little while ago and told that she did too much for her DS resulting in the child thinking they didn't have to do it because Mum told them she would do it for them or that she would go to the school and try and get an exception made!

Please, please don't be one of those parents. You have 13 years potentially of education to get through. If you are working you will give your self a nervous breakdown if you continue like this

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 12/10/2017 16:10

Blimey
This all sounds a bit much.
£6k a term you keep saying? Are their textbooks bound in gold and platinum?
And why does a 5 year old need daily tuition?
Confused

Hillingdon · 12/10/2017 16:14

It must be London. School fees increase dramatically over the years and if the OP is paying £18k per year now goodness knows what she will be paying at say 13!

Penhacked · 12/10/2017 19:50

We leave them at the school gates. Ds 5 seems totally unfazed by this and much prefers it to the circus that was the first day. If we have queries, we have a specific day each week on which we can book an appointment, and the school office is in the next village along with very rigid opening times.

Minidoghugs · 13/10/2017 15:03

Schools can be so unfriendly towards parents, treating them like an inconvenience, yet then they complain no one wants to join the PTA or volunteer. A little friendly communication goes a long way

Minidoghugs · 13/10/2017 15:06

Most parents would be happy to book an appointment or e-mail the teacher or whatever is best if they knew. Schools need to let the parents know what they prefer. Sometimes a new parent seeing the others talking to teacher on the way in will think that's the done thing.

Beetlejuice43 · 13/10/2017 15:44

Safeguarding. Parents need to leave.

TamarGeorgina · 13/10/2017 17:32

Schools do my nut!! They’re run by little hitlers! My sons school has just got a new headteacher. On the first week back at school one student was put in isolation for wearing... wait for it... the wrong length SOCKS. Trust me, you’re not being unreasonable.

TheVanguardSix · 13/10/2017 17:39

Didn't read through it all because your thread kind of went off on another journey with the fees and your child's allergies (this is really upsetting and fees or no fees, I wouldn't leave my child at a school where he/she ended up in hospital. YA SO NOT BU to be pissed off).

Go state. It's a nonsense paying such fees at this age. Seriously.

What is your DC getting out of it? Not a whole helluva lot, judging by your posts.

Someonessnackbitch · 13/10/2017 17:50

My child goes to a non private school and is the same. At first it took me aback but it's actually a good idea. I also work in a school and collect the children in the morning to bring up to class. As a practitioner this is a great idea