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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

384 replies

BlueButTrue · 11/10/2017 20:38

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits' Confused

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house Grin

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 12/10/2017 10:28

In hindsight, the truth is I don't think he wanted to go to his sisters to see everyone either. He just wanted Christmas at home
Maybe he wants to spend it at home just the 3 of you as a family then? Not trailing out to someone else's. A family event where the two of you have the fun of "doing Christmas" without relatives. I'd hate not to be able to spend Christmas Day at my place (even if I do have to host my parents every year when I'd rather have a lazy day eating turkey sarnies with DDog on the sofa and maybe actually get a chance to go to church or watch a service on the tv and remember what Christmas is supposed to be about). And being able to do the whole Christmas Dinner thing, it's great. Instead every year he's expected to trail out.

7Days · 12/10/2017 10:30

Does your mum have a room that could be designated the Quiet Room ostensibly for the baby but your dh could escape into also? That and a blow up mattress so you coukd kip in the sitting room so your mum could have her Baileys would make Christmas.
Go to your mum's. Tell your dh to smile and grow up.
Insist. You are allowed to want stuff and to get your way 50% of the time :)

LeavesinAutumn · 12/10/2017 10:30

Op wonderful news, your poor DM I am so glad you put her first. Your in laws sound utterly selfish or stupid.

FizzyGreenWater · 12/10/2017 10:31

Hurrah!!!

LeavesinAutumn · 12/10/2017 10:31

Fizzy is right that this the first and one of many hurdles you will face as a new family..

InvisibleKittenAttack · 12/10/2017 10:36

Sounds like a great compromise!

I would aim for next year to be able to drive though so you can be in control as a family about when you go/leave other peoples houses.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 10:41

would aim for next year to be able to drive though so you can be in control as a family about when you go/leave other peoples houses

Oh yes, this x10. He needs to anyway really. His professional life would benefit due to the nature of the job.

Plus it's nice to have the freedom of a car with a small family at weekends etc

OP posts:
Majormanner · 12/10/2017 10:49

Depends on why she isn't this year. Last year DP spent all the time in the kitchen and missed the presents (I should have saved it for later but we had a lot of guests) have told people picky bits in the afternoon and everyone is coming to that after their own main Christmas dinner. Do your own Christmas dinner and travel to them later on - then you get what you want. Preparing dinner is exhausting for the person who is actually doing it.

Morphene · 12/10/2017 10:49

looks like a nice compromise has been reached!

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 12/10/2017 10:54

Same as pps. I'm not bothered about no presents, but I'd miss Christmas dinner. Even with very little money we manage to have a roast.

dustarr73 · 12/10/2017 10:56

Ah delighted you got it sorted.Dont let Sil and Mil guilt trip you though.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 12/10/2017 10:57

I hate the term "picky bits"
We always have Christmas at our own home with our kids.
Leftovers, snack food and buffet stuff is for Boxing Day. Also at our own home. Every one else manages to fuck up christmas. StY at home

brasty · 12/10/2017 10:58

We are welcome to go to my parents at Xmas, but they never do Xmas dinner. So we never go. Entirely up to who is hosting at. Have Xmas at home if it bothers you, as we do.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 11:00

Ah delighted you got it sorted.Dont let Sil and Mil guilt trip you though

I won't bloody have it. My DM deserves to have us there. It's her turn. Next year will be at home, as I've agreed with DH, although we will pop round to family if he's finally driving by then Smile

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 12/10/2017 11:10

Stop letting all these people boss you around. You'll have just had a baby - go to your mum's.

PrimalLass · 12/10/2017 11:13

Oops. I missed your responses. Well done.

Whisky2014 · 12/10/2017 11:13

So you don't like tat and clutter but wanted to make people spend £10 of shit on watch child...

Picky christmas dinner sounds crap though.

My family do secret santa, £100 to spend and you only buy for one person and receive from one person. Could you do something like that? Change the budget to suit others.

Butterymuffin · 12/10/2017 11:19

Both of you need to drive. It's a big advantage as a parent with a small child living rurally to be able to get yourself and baby around. Also for you it means you can go to your mum's when you want without Brexit level negotiations over the whole thing.

Original poster
BlueButTrue · 12/10/2017 11:20

Also for you it means you can go to your mum's when you want without Brexit level negotiations over the whole thing

😂😂😂 Made my morning!

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 12/10/2017 11:22

I think the fact that your MIL is even talking about picky bits is a good enough reason not to go. I'd ban the use of that pronto if I could.

diddl · 12/10/2017 11:28

Presumably you have done more Christmases with ILs as you have been able to get yourselves there?

Mamabear4180 · 12/10/2017 11:29

Yay OP! Glad you DH is compromising. All through the thread I was shouting in my head GO TO YOUR MUMS!

This being your first baby you are going to feel totally different, possibly out of sorts and hormonal beyond belief-you need your mum. Hope you have a lovely time.

zukiecat · 12/10/2017 11:30

Neither bothers me at all

I can barely afford presents for my own DC, so my friends and I stopped exchanging gifts years ago.

The no Christmas Dinner wouldn’t bother me at all either, it’ll just be me and DD2 this year, that’s exactly how we want it, I will probably get two chicken breasts and do a small roast for the two of us, but I’d be equally happy with grazing.

As a non Christian I don’t really do Christmas and only went along with it in the past for DDs

My own Yule celebration will be the same, just very quiet, I’ll just attend the Yule ritual and bring along something for the buffet.

SuperFurrySasquatch · 12/10/2017 11:37

Umm, you will have had a baby not any of your limbs amputated!! By the sound of it your baby will be at least six weeks old so of course you can cook a Christmas dinner if you have to. I am far from wonder woman and am fairly lazy but I did that with my December baby, it's not that difficult. And I actually think it's a little shocking that you only 'think' that your mil doesn't do it herself and that she has help from sil. The only reason you don't know is because you haven't asked. Surely you have volunteered to help in previous years??

Sorry but I do think you are being a bit precious, offer to help mil with a dinner or go to your mum's and help her. I get that you would rather be with family than just the three of you at home. Of course, DH can also help as men are actually allowed to cook these days!

Jackiebrambles · 12/10/2017 11:40

Read the whole thread and I'm delighted you will go to your mums! It will be so lovely for her to have your new baby there. Great outcome OP!

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