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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wanting to go hiking on family weekend away.

342 replies

PooFlower · 11/10/2017 13:41

We are off to the Lake district for a Fri to Mon weekend away with our two dc.
DH has announced he plans to go for a short hike (2 hours) on the Sat and a long walk (5-6 hours) on the Sunday. He says he will get up at first light and go so he is back in time to do other things.
Am I being unreasonable to ask him not to?
I dont mind him going for a short walk each morning however a long walk will ruin the weekend for me. He will go to bed early the night before, probably wake dd2 up if he gets up early and be shattered and fit for nothing when he gets back.
I feel mean though. He loves hiking but hardly gets to go these days. I wouldn't mind so much if we were away for a week but think it will impact the holiday too much as with it only being a short break.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 11/10/2017 15:57

I'd sit down with him and a map, and work out somewhere that you could all go to. He can hike there, you can set off later after a lie in and a leisurely breakfast then you can all spend time together at the chosen destination. If you choose somewhere like a NT place or something that will occupy the kids, everyone will be happy.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 11/10/2017 16:00

It sounds like a lovely holiday to me OP even though I was in the day-long hike camp before I had small dc

I hope you have a fabulous time Cake Brew Wine

SentimentalLentil · 11/10/2017 16:01

I never said anything about there being loads to do without walking, I said loads to do that aren't hiking, which is a totally different thing.

The OP never said that she didn't want to walk around so I'm not sure why you're bringing it up to be honest.

Kr1st1na · 11/10/2017 16:02

I would love a day by myself while DH took the kids off it would be bliss

Perfect solution. Just make sure you take the First day . Otherwise I bet you a tenner that something will come up to upset the plan.

SentimentalLentil · 11/10/2017 16:03

And there's loads of shops to look around in the Lake District.
My mother walks with a stick so we can't go far but we have spent many a happy afternoon looking in the shops in Boweness punctuated by ice cream and tea when she gets tired.

Ohyesiam · 11/10/2017 16:07

First light on December is about 8am. So if he walks for 6 hours, the take you to 2.
I I guess he could give you from 2 till 8 child free, but as it gets dark at about 4, that's not such a good idea? And you don't get any time all together as a family.
I would say is fine for a 2 hour walk, and maybe you could ask go together.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/10/2017 16:10

I know @tippz! Somehow my DH is a hero amongst men because he thinks of me as a human being with needs and wants and interests outside caring for him and DD. Every now and again, I’ll say, “god I love you DH”. And he’ll say, “is some bastard on MN treating his DW like shit again?”. Clever man.

OP, why not have a half day to yourself? Say, “have a wonderful morning hiking love. I’m off/staying here for the afternoon and you can sort the kids.” Everyone’s happy. Unless he’s a selfish arse of course. Then you have bigger issues.

Roomster101 · 11/10/2017 16:12

I never said anything about there being loads to do without walking, I said loads to do that aren't hiking, which is a totally different thing.

I'm not talking about hiking either. I'm just saying that there isn't much to do if you don't want to do a fair amount of walking. Although looking around shops doesn't involve much walking, it's hardly an interesting activity in the Lake district compared with other places.

Inarutneedhelp · 11/10/2017 16:14

I would let him go . We went one year between Christmas and new year . Weather was miserable and I swore never again . I think you should try do some of the hiking with him because at that time of year there is very little else to do . 13 year old I guess is going to be dying to be at home for the Xmas holidays .

PairOfMarigolds · 11/10/2017 16:15

Pack your waterproofs OP, we are flooded at the moment!

keeponworking · 11/10/2017 16:17

I think that to have the expectation that you're going to be able to meet the needs of a 5 yo, 13 yo, grown woman and grown man - INDIVIDUALLY - on a 2 day break which lends itself (mostly, not entirely, but mostly) to walking is a recipe for weekend break disaster and rather excessively hopeful/deluded that you can meet everyone's needs!

It should be about what you can do and how it will work for EVERYONE, not just what DH wants which enables only him to get time on his own - and why is that one of the goals of this trip - which is a bloody family trip?! If he wants a proper Lake District hiking holiday that's fab, but he should do it on his own save for a slightly more restricted walk on ONE of the days that he does on his own but I'd be looking for him to offer me something in return in terms of me getting time on my own as well (not getting the picture he would even think of that). You know, if he said oh btw, I'll have the 5yo on X afternoon after my longer walk, I've booked you and DD into the salon in XX for a Special Lakeland Massage and Afternoon Tea experience - or whatever, balloon ride, whatever.

Or just do a bloomin' break that EVERYONE can enjoy - like Alton Towers for goodness sakes..... why pick a location that half the people can't even really really enjoy in ways that seem to have meaning to them all - we've got one that not unreasonably thoroughly enjoys shorter walks and taking in the scenery (which despite what many on here might think, IS an entirely valid way to experience this region) and another who wants to hike for hours on his own!

BusyBeez99 · 11/10/2017 16:18

Sounds great. You both don't need to be joined at the hip

Civilservant · 11/10/2017 16:19

It’s a short, festive family break. Given that he is seeking too high a proportion of it for leisure time for himself IMO.

JessicaEccles · 11/10/2017 16:23

I've booked you and DD into the salon in XX for a Special Lakeland Massage and Afternoon Tea experience

oh god this is getting all terribly stereotypical. Woman goes shopping and spa day and hot chocolate. Man gets to do interesting outdoors thing Angry

oldlaundbooth · 11/10/2017 16:26

Just tell him to walk one day only - that's the compromise...

The rest of the time you can spend snuggling and being cosy.

Not sure why the OP is getting so much flack for not being a massive hiker - the Lakes are beautiful even if you just stare out the window!

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 11/10/2017 16:27

The issues would be exactly the same if the DH had unilaterally booked himself a spa day!

JessicaEccles · 11/10/2017 16:29

if the DH had unilaterally booked himself a spa day!

Would make a pleasant change Smile.

I am terribly claustrophobic and all this talk of snuggling and DVDs is making me want some FRESH AIR.

Ploppie4 · 11/10/2017 16:30

Can’t you go shopping and drop him on your way there? Pick him up on your way back?

Ploppie4 · 11/10/2017 16:31

Or walk together for a couple of hours, he continues for another 4 while you take the others to the shops?

keeponworking · 11/10/2017 16:34

Jessicaeccles

The Lakeland Massage was what's called an 'example'. It strives to indicate / question / ascertain the lack of selfishness of OPs husband vis-a-vis his desire to go hiking on his own not only in this instance but previously - does he have form for thinking of OP and what she might want or enjoy if, whilst on a family break, he wants to do things on his own.

It is not definitive (hence the other example of a balloon ride).

Aridane · 11/10/2017 16:34

Tbh if he likes hiking I cant imagine anything worse than being stuck inside watching DVDs while in the lakes.

. *

This

keeponworking · 11/10/2017 16:34

So OP plus two other people have to totally fit in with what he wants?!?

rookiemere · 11/10/2017 16:36

OP has said she is happy to do shorter walks. There are lots of lovely - shortish- walks in the Lake District, even our fairly walk=grumpy 11 yr old DS loves Cathedral Caves (actually love is probably a bit strong) which is about 1.5 hr round trip. Aira Force good although we usually get lost en route.

Theres also Brockhole visitor centre which has Go Ape if its your DDs type of thing and theyll probably have activities that your 5 yr old will enjoy.

Even DH - who is a very keen walker- somehow managed to restrain himself when DS was young and we did family activities in the Lake District, such as the cruise and hiring bikes and indeed wandering round the shops.

waterrat · 11/10/2017 16:38

god they aren't babies, let him have his walk and then enjoy the rest of the day together.

HandbagKrabby · 11/10/2017 16:44

This is why people end up on the news having to be rescued by helicopter because apparently you're some kind of lazy, uncultured, selfish arsehole if you're not forcing a 5 year old up a mountain in the middle of winter.

I seem to recall going to Beatrix potters house/ museum in the Lake District as a child which I enjoyed.