DH wanting to go hiking on family weekend away.

[PooFlower]

We are off to the Lake district for a Fri to Mon weekend away with our two dc.
DH has announced he plans to go for a short hike (2 hours) on the Sat and a long walk (5-6 hours) on the Sunday. He says he will get up at first light and go so he is back in time to do other things.
Am I being unreasonable to ask him not to?
I dont mind him going for a short walk each morning however a long walk will ruin the weekend for me. He will go to bed early the night before, probably wake dd2 up if he gets up early and be shattered and fit for nothing when he gets back.
I feel mean though. He loves hiking but hardly gets to go these days. I wouldn't mind so much if we were away for a week but think it will impact the holiday too much as with it only being a short break.

Of course it's not a "rule", but if people are only interested in shopping, drinking hot chocolate, pubs and DVDs then what the fuck is the point of going to an area of outstanding natural beauty that's a mecca for hikers?!

This.

But I'm a northerner in exile. And to compare shopping as a hobby with getting out into the fells? It's sheer waste.

At the very least DO something enlightening and uplifting when you're there - don't waste your time doing what you can do in your suburban coziness. Go to Rydal Hall, Dove Cottage, Brantwood, or Blackwell - great Lake District house museums. And avoid Bowness - it's full of boring day trippers.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe lol! Bless you and your Parisian shopping trip. Your poor DH.

Isn’t the point here NOT to project our own likes, dislikes and preferences but rather give the OP some helpful hints as to how she can regain some balance in her very short family break.
It’s not about what WE would like to do.

Op isn't cloyingly determined to spend all her time with her family though. She's already said she'd bloody love it if her DH would take the kids away for a bit and give her some alone time. She doesn't have that option though: her choices such as they are include a) doing all the childcare while her DH swans off or b) persuading him to do part of his share!

I know how bitterly frustrating it can be to miss out on a long hike, and how liberating, beautiful and energising it can be to have such a walk -- it can renew your ability to cope with family stuff.

I would encourage him to go and do the walking he wants to do, especially as he is trying to make it fit around other stuff. The only proviso I would make is that he should be equally willing to make it possible for you to have a corresponding chance to do what you want to do, either during your Lake District trip or later.

It is horrible when family life becomes a prison. And holidays, meant to be joyful, tend to be the times when we can be particularly entrapped by one another.

Howling at the pencil museum comment

'My idea of hell would be not going hiking when in the lakes, why would I travel and stay somewhere to watch DVDs.'

On' mini hikes', whatever those are. I was with you till I saw how old your kids are. DH and I are both hillwalkers and are off to the Lakes again. Wahey! I'm going all day to do two peaks with a mate one entire day, he's going with a group to do what I did last year (a 3 peak challenge) another day, I'm also going to the climbing gym another evening. We still manage to have 'family time', just find 'mini hikes' and 'short walks' something you slot in before dinner or after breakfast. Just today I ticked off a quality 4-miler in the late afternoon whilst DH and the kids went to the pool and sauna as they all love water sport and I hate it. DS is 8 and has to be bribed but he'll go along as he has ASD. Luckily, DD2 is already an accomplished hillwalker. Pub lunches cost a fortune, too. As does shopping. I didn't see the huge shopping opportunities in the Lake District, didn't see a place that would appeal to a teen at all, but then, who goes to the Lakes to go shopping?

I actually think it's a pretty bad idea to encourage OP, who admits to being an inexperienced walker, to take a 5yo and a sulky teenager up anywhere high in the middle of winter.

PP's might have children who can walk 8 miles at 5yo or marathons at 13, but OP's children don't fall into that category, and taking them up somewhere that will be wet, slippy, cold and windy is a recipe for disaster. The fells in winter are not particularly safe if you don't know what you're doing - the mist can quickly close in and unless you know 100% where you're going and have a map, you can easily get well and truly lost. Which might be okay as an adult with plenty of spare clothing, but it's not a good idea to risk that with a 5yo.

I've previously been up Helvellyn in a storm - the day started out beautifully. Blue skies, sunshine and a gentle breeze. By the time we reached the top, the mists had closed and there was a gigantic storm above us, with lightning striking the ground metres in front of us. I was with my parents who were both experienced hikers and knew the route well, so we got down safely but if we were inexperienced, it would have been a totally different story.

Please don't encourage inexperienced walkers to do high fells in the middle of winter just because you think it's a better choice of activity over DVD's, shopping and pubs.

Yes because visiting national trust properties is the definition of breaking out of a cozy suburban bubble.

Seriously stop telling people that how they choose to spend their holidays is a waste, it's so patronising and smug.

I'd just lump the kids on him the next day. DH and I swap out. I'm currently sitting in a leisure complex at a holiday park whilst DS is in the arcade and DD2 is at a disco whilst DH chills out in the lodge on his own.

The OP has said that she is happy for her husband to go on one walk she just doesn't think it's fair for him to do two and leave her with the kids both days and I have to agree with her.

'The fells in winter are not particularly safe if you don't know what you're doing - the mist can quickly close in and unless you know 100% where you're going and have a map, you can easily get well and truly lost. Which might be okay as an adult with plenty of spare clothing, but it's not a good idea to risk that with a 5yo.'

True, but then they can swap out days. I did Old Man of Conniston and those two other ones along that ridge (I don't remember the second one's name and the last one started with W) in mid-October and we got poor weather on the way down but we're both experienced and she has done all three of those peaks many times at all times of the year and does fells in the dark for charity events. I'd have been disappointed to miss such a walk to go shopping and pub lunch or just go to some tarn and see everyone else going up the peak.

We had to compromise for years when the kids were toddlers and still have to swap out for long days even now because DS is not a happy hiker.

But I think swapping out is a reasonable compromise.

I quite like the shops at Bowness - not too many of them and some non chain stores to look at - and I normally hate supermarker shopping but love a totter round ,which makes Waitrose look a bit downmarket.

Loads of nice walks that aren't all day events and i for one feel that pretty much any country walk can be enhanced by a nice meal in a pub , its hardly crime of the century not to want to buy ingrediants, make and eat sandwiches in the freezing cold.

There's loads of ways to enjoy the Lake District- no one way is intrinsically more worthy than any other. OP and their family can do what they damn please on holiday without having to answer to the hillwalking police.

Oh I agree expat

I just don't agree with people saying they should all go together and that 5-6 hours hike is "nothing". If you're fit, prepared and experienced, then no, it's probably not particularly challenging, but when you're not particularly keen or experienced when it comes to hill-walking, the middle of winter is probably not the best place to start!

Swapping out is a good concept, but its not what the OPs DH came up with. His idea was that he did what he wanted with no quid pro quo for the OP.

Shhhh rookie don't let the holiday inspectors see!

It's meant to be a family break. If op takes the same time to do what she wants there will be no daylight. Short family walks are the compromise. I love walking rest of my family don't it is tricky.

OP if you park at the Theatre by the Lake you can walk one length of Derwentwater and carry on up to the Bowder Stone (google it, kids love it), then head back to Lodore Falls for cake/afternoon tea and jump on the boat back to the car park

My idea of a perfect day out 😊😊

Well said rookie and sentimental.

Our family holidays are just that - we go to spend family time together. DH and I both like to go off and do our own thing but we book that in at other times. I can't believe the howling at how cruel it is that the DH here doesn't get effectively two days of a three day trip to spend doing his own thing while OP takes the kids. If he wants that so much, he can sort out a hiking weekend for himself - OP sounds like she'd support that. However, since it's a family holiday being planned by OP, he can bloody well be gracious and spend (gulp) three days with his family without feeling the need to disappear for large chunks of it.

Also, OP:
I would love a day by myself while DH took the kids off it would be bliss.

Doesn't he ever / regularly do this? You need to build this into your life, pronto.

Derwentwater is indeed lovely but don't assume the boats will be running midwinter to get you back home - check first!

At 5 and 13 they're lent old enough for hiking. Sitting around watching DVDs and drinking hot chocolate can be done anywhere. I'm not surprised your husband would rather go off hiking if you're not prepared to go out with him. Some of the fells are fine for 5 year olds.Catbells can be done by little ones as can Causey and Skiddaw.
If you went Catbells and down to Grange you can carry on to Lodore for a drink and catch bus back to Keswick. Lovely day out.
Walking around Derwentwater is fine for a five year old too. Throwing stones to make them skip, feeding ducks, scones at Nichol End. It has to beat 'chilling' which fails to,introduce the children to the beauty of the lakes.

Over and over on this thread suggestions are made involving the man getting to do his hobby while the woman gets to spend time with the kids doing something "suitable" for them. A spa day was mentioned! It is seen as a compromise if the man spends one day doing his hobby and one day with his family. There is no day for the woman to pursue a personal interest. Once you've had children society assumes that they are a woman's interest. Men's lives carry on with far less impact. It is not right and not fair but so entrenched in us that we bend over backward to ensure his desires aren't thwarted.

Why wouldn't the 13 year old be able to go on a 5/6 hour hike? I used to go hiking for days when I was that age. Seems like going to the Lake district is a waste for you. "snuggle up and watch dvds and drink hot chocolate" you could do this ate home any weekend for free!