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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking for pasta

189 replies

MummySparkle · 10/10/2017 20:16

More of as ‘is this weird?’ Question really.

I got home on Sunday after a long day out with the kids and realised that we really didn’t have anything that could make a quick dinner for them. We live rurally, the closest place that would have been open is a 40min round trip & we were all too tired and hungry for that.

DS has just started school and I’ve made some really good friends with other mums and we all live within walking distance of each other which is lovely. Anyway, a trio of us have a group chat going and I asked the other mums if either of them had any pasta going spare. One Mum did, we whizzed over to collect it and I had 2 very happy DCs eating cheesy pasta for tea.

I relayed this to DH when he asked about the unfamiliar pasta in the cupboard and he told me that what I had done was really really weird, and I shouldn’t ask people if I could borrow pasta. Personally I don’t see the issue, but maybe I’m missing something?

OP posts:
BulletFox · 12/10/2017 14:30

It's not weird, it was a quick fix solution to avoid a trip, your friend said it was ok and you've returned it.

It's only pasta

If you had turned up at her house unexpectedly with mad eyes looking at her threatening saying 'gimme the pasta. Now' that would be a different matter!

therealpippi · 12/10/2017 14:37

Rhiannon, I would not have dared saying that in here. (But yes Kids are just an excuse).

BertrandRussell · 12/10/2017 14:55

"I also came home from holiday to find my grass all cut once, fabulous"

Now on Mumsnet that is an unforgivable breach of privacy.

I once mentioned that I had got my neighbour's washing in when it started to rain, and the responses were extraordinary. Including at least two people who said they would have to wash it again because I had touched it.

TheSparrowhawk · 12/10/2017 14:57

Ha! My neighbour (and friend) asks for wine!

She takes care of my cats when we're away so I'm very happy to give it to her.

multivac · 12/10/2017 15:00

Our neighbour - in his late 80s and increasingly infirm - always brings our wheelie bins in for us after they've been collected, while MrM and I are at work. I am touched and grateful every single time.

scatterbrainedlass · 12/10/2017 15:01

My neighbour was in the middle of baking when she realised she had no treacle. I lent her my tin of treacle and a couple of days later found a new tin on my doorstep. Another neighbour asked if she could possibly have a teaspoon of garlic granules! Not a problem, when you live rurally you sometimes have to share or make do without.

tccat · 12/10/2017 15:12

Bertrand that's insane, imagine saying they'd have to wash it again!! I would be very grateful if my washing was taken in
When mother in law comes over to babysit I used to say to her "now if you tidy up I'll be offended but I'll get over it" 😂
She would always have the house sparkling when I got home and the washing done, including nicely folded pants!
I could not care less what rooms she went into or if she saw my knickers I was just very grateful for the help

Pollaidh · 12/10/2017 15:41

Sounds normal to me. A friend borrowed an egg for some ovum-related emergency recently and returned with a box of 6 to say thanks! It doesn't happen often round here, but no one would bat an eyelid if it did.

Is your DH quite status-concerned? I wonder if your DH was ever ashamed as a kid, or teased, for not having enough food. I can imagine watching your mother scrabble around for food and need to ask a friend for help could have felt quite shameful to a kid if it was a case of no money. That could be colouring his views, especially if you've moved to a new area and he's subconsciously thinking you have to 'make a good impression'.

therealpippi · 12/10/2017 15:46

Oh if someone would take my washing in everytime I forget it outside in the rain I'd give them the entire content of my pantry!

Aridane · 12/10/2017 15:51

I'm with your DH here and think it's a bit weird.

KurriKurri · 12/10/2017 16:24

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if a friend asked me for some food for the kids because they'd run out. That's waht friends are for surely. I wouldn;t expect it to be returned either (not pasta anyway - maybe if it was fillet steak !)

I think people get a bit precious about food - why wouldn't you give food to someone who needs it. The again my Mother used to fill bags up with food for homeless people (we called them tramps in those days) who knocked on our door when we were kids, or bring them in and make them a meal. But maybe that would be considered weird now. Which is quite sad really.

carefreeeee · 12/10/2017 16:41

I think it's nice - the the door is open for them to ask you for favours and it's useful to know there are people you can call on because they owe you one (thus won't mind)

TopBitchoftheWitches · 12/10/2017 16:45

Myself and my neighbour over the road are always borrowing stuff from each other, irons, lawnmowers, nail varnish remover, money, cigarettes Grin

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 12/10/2017 17:41

My old neighbours used to take in my washing when it rained (and I did the same) and leave it inside my porch. They even saw my line break once when we'd had high winds, and wife came to the door to tell me, as the husband held it up so my washing wouldn't get mucky. They were fab.
My current neighbours (before I say this, I live rurally, on a very quiet road with a few houses around mine, not in a city) scooped up my then 2 year old and delivered him back to me when she saw him merrily toddling down the road (I'd had a home visit from the doctor and she'd left the stair gate over the inner front door open by accident, so escape was his!) He was never in any danger, and yes we'd noticed and I'd sent DH after him, but she was already out, and he toddled right to her. I do shopping for her from time to time (she's in no way a CF and would never ask, I offer, but if she did ever ask I'd be totally fine with it) and when I saw an ambulance there late one evening (her DH has a medical condition) I popped down the next day to make sure she was ok, and offered to give her lifts to the hospital. Just what neighbours do isn't it?
So no OP, pasta isn't a big deal! Wink

silverdancer118 · 12/10/2017 22:29

hellokittymania

This. If I had pasta going spare and a neighbour or friend asked I would have no problem with giving it to them.

RamblinRosie · 13/10/2017 02:31

My, lovely, neighbor has just called round to ask me to open a bottle of fizz for her, a bottle I got her for looking after my cats. We've both scrounged eggs, lemons and other stuff from each other-that's what community is all about. Yes, we've got a great local store, but it's easier to ask next door.

itstheyearzero · 13/10/2017 09:23

I borrowed me neighbour's iron once when mine stopped working and I had to iron a blouse for an interview. She gave me her spare and said that I could keep it. She has since died, and every time I use the iron now, I think fondly of her.

Jux · 13/10/2017 10:09

I've borrowed all sorts of stuff from neighbours over the years, from a sticking plaster when I stuck a knife in my palm to a pressure washer for our higher windows and all points in between. Pasta borrowing is as normal as sugar borrowing. Your dh is weird for thinking it's weird!

sueelleker · 13/10/2017 10:28

We had some weird neighbours once-they asked to borrow a dinner plate on Xmas day, as they had more visitors than crockery!

musicform · 13/10/2017 12:22

lol mumsnet have referred this as borrowing pasta - how are you going to give it back - yes I know a new bag - taking the Cake

BertrandRussell · 13/10/2017 12:24

"We had some weird neighbours once-they asked to borrow a dinner plate on Xmas day, as they had more visitors than crockery!"

Why is that wierd?

RhiannonOHara · 13/10/2017 16:27

Yes, I don't get why borrowing a plate is weird if you've run out. Did you lend them one?

Maryann1975 · 13/10/2017 19:39

My friend over the road ran out of crisps as she was making her 3 dcs packed lunches last week. She sent me a text asking if we had any and sent her dc over to pick which packet they wanted. The older two looked mortified but would obviously rather have knocked on my door than gone without. She has also borrowed dishwasher tablets, laundry detergent, eggs, fish fingers, tea bags, loads of stuff. It’s not one sided I’ve had quite a few bits of her too, icing sugar, lemon juice, chocolate powder. I think it would be really sad to live somewhere without at least one person you could knock on to ask to borrow something you could do with borrowing.

Sakura03 · 13/10/2017 19:57

Not weird at all. I grew up in a rural area, and we got to know a couple of neighbours really well so from time to time we’d borrow some sugar or coffee from each other and when next out shopping we’d get them a replacement. It was quite nice really.

BertrandRussell · 13/10/2017 20:10

I had to borrow a chair once when I had more guests than seats!