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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking for pasta

189 replies

MummySparkle · 10/10/2017 20:16

More of as ‘is this weird?’ Question really.

I got home on Sunday after a long day out with the kids and realised that we really didn’t have anything that could make a quick dinner for them. We live rurally, the closest place that would have been open is a 40min round trip & we were all too tired and hungry for that.

DS has just started school and I’ve made some really good friends with other mums and we all live within walking distance of each other which is lovely. Anyway, a trio of us have a group chat going and I asked the other mums if either of them had any pasta going spare. One Mum did, we whizzed over to collect it and I had 2 very happy DCs eating cheesy pasta for tea.

I relayed this to DH when he asked about the unfamiliar pasta in the cupboard and he told me that what I had done was really really weird, and I shouldn’t ask people if I could borrow pasta. Personally I don’t see the issue, but maybe I’m missing something?

OP posts:
peppapigearworm · 11/10/2017 17:53

I've never met the mean spirited about doing favours/giving lifts that permeates Mumsnet in real life. Thankfully.

You don;t know if people are being mean spirited though, or if they have good reasons.

RedForFilth · 11/10/2017 18:00

I wouldn’t have minded being asked. I'd only give it to someone I knew would buy the right stuff back (I have coeliac disease so can only have gluten free, would have no use for normal pasta as it's just the two of us) especially due to the price difference. Then again, you might not even want it as loads of people I know won't eat things if I tell them it's gluten free for some strange reason!

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 11/10/2017 18:04

Not weird at all. I'd give a total stranger pasta/milk/bread/eggs/whatever if they knocked asking for it.

Lucyccfc · 11/10/2017 18:14

Not weird at all.

In the last month my lovely neighbour has text me for bread, an onion and some flour. She got me flowers last week.

BertrandRussell · 11/10/2017 19:58

"You don;t know if people are being mean spirited though, or if they have good reasons."

Oh I think I do!

Original poster
MummySparkle · 11/10/2017 21:52

Wow, this has had so many more replies than I was expecting.

To clear a few things up (if it makes a difference):
-I hadn’t run out of everything, just pasta & kids freezer food.

  • the shop would have been doable, but was a bit long
  • DH was out cycling with friends

Finally, I work during the week, have recently changed my hours, and I’m still getting used to the school run. We went out on Sunday because the house was in disarray & I needed to occupy the kids. I should have stopped at a shop on the way home, but I thought there was pasta in the cupboard and the thought of dragging the kids around was not appealing Wink

I may only have known these mums a month, but it feels like longer already. We spent an evening bonding over prosecco a few weeks back & feel like best mates. You know when you meet someone and feel like you’re kindred spirits & you’ve found a friend for life? That’s how we all feel. Since leaving home I’ve never lived somewhere where there’s been community like this. It’s a lovely feeling. I finally feel less isolated out here Smile

OP posts:
wowfudge · 11/10/2017 22:22

I think it sounds fab. My DP has some weird ideas sometimes - he wouldn't use shampoo for coloured hair on his uncoloured hair when it was the only thing we had in. God only knows what he thinks it will do to him.

NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 11/10/2017 22:56

That's not weird in the slightest. I live very rurally, with just two neighbours within about half a mile of me and we are constantly popping over to borrow bits and pieces from each other. In fact I borrowed three carrots for my bourguignon just the other day! Grin

C8H10N4O2 · 11/10/2017 23:29

When the kids were small this swapping and sharing was everyday normality for us and friends and neighbours. It doesn't happen so much these days but I suspect that relates more to children growing up and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to lend or borrow the proverbial cup of sugar.

I would have said this was normal but watching collective apoplexy at letting a neighbour temporarily share an internet connection (whilst hers wasn't working with young kids including needing access to online homework resources) I think I live in some strange alternative universe!

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 12/10/2017 01:26

Lots of borrowing goes on when your kids start cooking at school since they don't always tell you what they need until the night before,this can make for inventive substitution or frantic phone calls.
With men this is on a par with not asking for directions when driving as loosing face infront of a stranger is working than loosing your way completely .

GColdtimer · 12/10/2017 09:22

You don’t need to explain OP, ignore the clearly far superior posters who never run out of anything! Glad you have some nice new friends.

Liiinoo · 12/10/2017 09:35

I live in London and this seems perfectly normal to me. Bread, milk, an egg, An onion, a loan of the lawn mower/vacuum cleaner/blow up bed etc all perfectly normal between mates/school mums/neighbours. The one that did surprise me was when a pregnant aquaintance rang me at about 11pm one night to see if we had any dressed crab in. I did and her husband came round on his motorbike to pick it up at nearly midnight. That must have been a very powerful craving!

AnUtterIdiot · 12/10/2017 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bingbongnoise · 12/10/2017 09:38

Not at all weird, and actually quite sweet.

I love it when someone asks me if they can borrow a couple of eggs or some sugar etc, as it shows they think I am the kind of person they can ask.

If they ask for money though, they can fuck off. Grin

HelloSunshine11 · 12/10/2017 09:39

I don't think it's weird at all! It's lovely to have a group of people around you like that whose company you enjoy but that you can also trust to help each other out. Nurture these friendships - I have similar with a couple of near-by mums that I met through nursery and they've been a bit of a lifeline sometimes.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 12/10/2017 10:14

Stuff I have leant to neighbours including but not restricted to:
Sugar, flour, cornflour, garlic, onion, wine, loo rolls, batteries, air bed pump

glitterlips1 · 12/10/2017 11:57

When I was little our neighbours would knock for sugar, eggs, and sometimes a close neighbour asked if she could use our washing machine when hers suddenly broke down, she had four kids and needed to do their uniform. My mum did it for her. I think it is great if you have friends who can help out every now and then, I always would.

Idontevencareanymore · 12/10/2017 12:00

I've given bread to a neighbour! Not odd at all imo. Isn't that the point of friends?

megamax · 12/10/2017 12:16

I'd find it odd but then I've never lived anywhere further than 5 minutes from a corner shop where you could pick up things like pasta. I've lived in London most of my life and don't know my neighbours and don't have much of a reason to borrow food from them as there's a well-stocked Co-op open until 11pm. I'd be a bit surprised if a neighbour knocked on my door asking for something they could get for themselves. Rural living is different of course, it's just not a lifestyle I've ever known.

RhiannonOHara · 12/10/2017 12:38

Just remembered that my ex-neighbour (upstairs in a building of flats) once used my shower for a few days when she was getting hers fixed, or her boiler fixed, or something.

She looked embarrassed at asking and embarrassed every time she came round clutching her towel and shampoo, but I didn't think twice about it and was pleased to be able to provide a nice hot shower for a few days.

We got on pretty well anyway and would go round each others' for brunch or a coffee every now and then.

I've lent my current neighbours the boiler key, a broom, storage boxes and the like before. I water their plants when they're away. We bake or cook for each other sometimes.

It's nice. I like having neighbours who ask little favours of me and who I can ask little favours of. I don't think any of us have either asked each other for food though; probably the 'corner shop' phenomenon mega refers to (I'm in London and also within a few minutes' walk of a few shops). If someone DID ask to borrow some pasta or whatever, though, I'd give it to them and not think anything of it.

recklessgran · 12/10/2017 12:51

Back in the 70's this sort of thing was an every day ocurrence. New estate, mainly young couples with babies and always skint. My NDN and I often pooled resources to put a dinner on the table for our men when they got home from work.They never knew! We sometimes even went grocery shopping together and would split for example a large packet of cereal or soap powder between us to get through the week. Great times - sad they're gone to be honest as nowadays everyone is so busy and wrapped up in their own lives to get involved with the community.

tccat · 12/10/2017 13:04

My old neighbour and myself borrowed random stuff all the time, we became really good friends
In fact neither of us locked our doors and we would both just nip in if we ran out of something and leave a note 😀
We would also do a bit of random cleaning as well sometimes!
I also came home from holiday to find my grass all cut once, fabulous

therealpippi · 12/10/2017 13:54

Tccat how fab!

therealpippi · 12/10/2017 14:00

Even in London with a corner shop close by it can be difficult to walk to it under the rain with kids in pj, for example. Popping next door on the other hand...

Of course everything is doable and often not an ordeal not even a big deal. I think the question is why not make your life, and in return others', easier.

I am in London too and In a well served street so really it is not a daily occurrence. In fact it is quite rare. But when I did it it was out of easiness rather than real impossibility. And it is sooo nice to feel you live in acommunity.

RhiannonOHara · 12/10/2017 14:24

Ye,s true, pippi and even if you don't have kids like me and you just CBA going out sometimes

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