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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you cope with the idea that you may never have sex again

132 replies

terriblemistake · 09/10/2017 20:19

Am getting divorced. I can't imagine sleeping with anyone else and in my late 40s now, another relationship might not happen in any case?

Honestly, it is the least of my worries at the moment and I think I will mind a lot less than I thought I would. It's still a strange idea to wrap your head around though - never again Shock

Also, the person I want to sleep with is H (if things were not so dire between us), can't imagine another person's body.

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 09/10/2017 20:21

Prue Leith and Judi Dench could tell you a few stories OP!

Of course you will have sex again - if you want to.

PricklyBall · 09/10/2017 20:26

Took a bit of getting used to, but I'm adjusted to it now. I'm sure if you're one of those people who ages elegantly with great bone structure and a winning personality, then you can still pull in late middle age, but plump and wrinkly little me who wanders around in a single-mum haze of exhaustion - it ain't gonna happen.

You find other things - hobbies, friendship, a good vibrator - to take its place.

cardibach · 09/10/2017 20:28

You don’t need a man to enjoy yourself.

Sophiaeleanormay · 09/10/2017 20:29

I understand, OP.

I am terminally single - sigh!

I know I could have a ONS, or friends with benefits arrangement, but I just don't want it. I want actual loving sex within a relationship. It is my birthday and I would so love a shag! Blush

Anyway, I am trying to lose weight so watch this space ...

Tiddlywinks63 · 09/10/2017 20:33

Wouldn't bother me tuppence!
😃

Expemsiveuniform · 09/10/2017 20:34

Hitachi or womaniser. Who needs a man.

Insomnibrat · 09/10/2017 20:35

I'm single, 36 and it would be absolutely fine, not really bothered at all.

grobagsforever · 09/10/2017 20:36

Whether you have sex again or not is entirely within your control OP.

Sorry to hear of your divorce Flowers

MistressDeeCee · 09/10/2017 20:36

I can't imagine sleeping with anyone else and in my late 40s now

Yeah, I thought that way when I finished with my longterm man in my 40s. He was to be the last man I had sex with in this life, and never would I want anyone else after we split. Ever. But anyway..5 years down the line, now 54 & 5 years with current OH..

Oh yes you will fancy another man and sleep with another man again AND you will enjoy itSmile

Unless you hardcore truly don't want to, of course

Original poster
terriblemistake · 09/10/2017 20:38

late middle age

[faints]

Am middle aged - yes. Late, not so much! I'd say late middle age is late 50s onwards.

Anyway, yes I wonder about the pulling factor. It wouldn't be that any more I suppose, but more really getting on with someone?

Sophia, I would love one too Sad.

OP posts:
PricklyBall · 09/10/2017 20:40

It's alright terrible - when I said "late middle age" I was talking about myself. You are a young whippersnapper by comparison.

(It's not always under one's own control, btw, grobags - it takes two to tango, and I haven't had a man show the slightest bit of interest in me for over ten years.)

didnthappeninmyday · 09/10/2017 20:41

I didn’t have sex for 9 years, didn’t bother me at all, I had plenty of offers Hmmbut no one I wanted to get jiggy with, and then one day I met my current DP and have been making up for the lost time ever since Wink

Rheged · 09/10/2017 20:41

I’m 38 and haven’t had sex for over 4 years now. The last time was with my ex husband in 2013. But TBH the sex had been pretty crap for some time so it’s much longer since I’ve had really decent sex.

I don’t know if I ever will again. On the one hand, i’m quite young to reconcile to never doing it again. On the other, it’s been so long now that i’ve got used to the staus quo I suppose. I miss intimacy more than sex.

Arealhumanbeing · 09/10/2017 20:41

Wouldn't bother me tuppence!

It would bother mine! 😂

God I make myself laugh.

Original poster
terriblemistake · 09/10/2017 20:42

Missed your posts Mistress and Grobags - hope you're right Grin.

The other issue is that H is literally my only relationship ever. I don't know how this whole dating someone in the 21st century thing is supposed to happen Confused.

Anyway, am jumping the gun a bit. Have awful divorce to get through first.

OP posts:
SignoraStronza · 09/10/2017 20:45

My lovely friend really can't have sex again op. One of the victims of the vaginal mesh scandal. Heart breaking as she's divorced, attractive and would love a partner in her life, but is feeling like she's having to hold back on... and cease the flirty chat she's been having with an old flame lest it develops.

May50 · 09/10/2017 20:47

OP - I am same age as you and in same situation , separated from ExP a year ago, and full- time working single mother to three children (hence no free time, or energy at the mo). I cannot see my situation changing in the near or medium future. Maybe when I'm sixty and kids have grown up .... most of the time I don't think about it but occasionally I feel a bit down about my situation.

PricklyBall · 09/10/2017 20:50

Oh Signora - your poor friend. That is so sad.

Judydreamsofhorses · 09/10/2017 20:52

My mum was widowed at 50 and had only ever been with my dad. At 60 she started online dating, and met her now husband a couple of dates in. She's now in her 70s and I definitely know too much about her sex life.

Fadingmemory · 09/10/2017 20:53

The day I realised I neither wanted nor needed sex was a very happy day. My libido has been laid to rest. Independence for ever!

Justaboy · 09/10/2017 20:55

Give us One good reason why you won't ever have sex again?.

FiveShelties · 09/10/2017 20:56

Never say never. Grin

You are so young, and you just do not know what the future will bring. In my case, I can confirm that marriage is definitely better second time around.

Garlicansapphire · 09/10/2017 20:57

I was 44 when i split and I basically ended up having way more sex and adventures than my married friends. Not because I went out tarting about - just dates, relationships etc. 10 years on I'm single again and have been for a year and I'm not really bothered about sex at all. But you never know.

You are still young and have a whole life ahead of you.

tehmina23 · 09/10/2017 20:58

My colleague thought the same as you then at 50 met a guy (she wasn't looking) then they moved in together- she's very in love!

Tiggy78 · 09/10/2017 21:00

My husband passed away almost 4 years ago. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. He was the only man I’d ever been with.
an overweight widowed 39 year old mother of two isn’t going to be on any man’s radar so I’ve resigned myself to being alone.