To ask how you cope with the idea that you may never have sex again

[terriblemistake]

Am getting divorced. I can't imagine sleeping with anyone else and in my late 40s now, another relationship might not happen in any case?

Honestly, it is the least of my worries at the moment and I think I will mind a lot less than I thought I would. It's still a strange idea to wrap your head around though - never again

Also, the person I want to sleep with is H (if things were not so dire between us), can't imagine another person's body.

[BMW6]

I couldn't care less............and DH says he is meh too!

[timeistight]

My libido went south when my thyroid failed in my late forties. I haven’t felt a flicker in the last fifteen years. Then vaginal dryness hit with menopause. So that’s it. Even with treatment for that (and the thyroid) I physically cannot have sex without intense pain, so why would I bother.

I don’t expect to even attempt to have sex again. Does it bother me? No, I’m just not interested.

[Justaboy]

an overweight widowed 39 year old mother of two isn’t going to be on any man’s radar so I’ve resigned myself to being alone.

Sounds very sad can you do anything about the overweight bit for your benefit to help you fell better about yourself?.

Nothing wrong just cos your a mum and 39!

[MistressDeeCee]

Imagine men divorcing and saying I will never have sex and intimacy again...

Or that they're unattractive nobody would look at them

Society has done too good a job on women. I only know one woman who is now elderly and hasn't slept with a man in many years, nor does she want to. She actively doesn't put herself in social situations or anywhere she will meet and chat to men.

Anyone else has a chance to meet someone else, if they want to and make as much effort with that as they do with all else. There's time - maybe not if youre running a country..! We're encouraged to put all else first and our love lives last.

Its fine not to want to meet a man too but bit sad when women say nobody would look at them etc. There's always somebody

[PricklyBall]

Dee, Just, I sincerely hope you are right in OP's case.

[OnlyTheDepthVaries]

I'd hang out the bunting and rejoice! Wouldn't miss it for a minute.

[SansaClegane]

Mistress you are making a good point. I doubt men will see it that way. But then they are usually the ones walking 'free' after a split if that makes sense.
I'm recently divorced and have three young DC; so far I have them 99.5% of the time as XH just isn't that bothered about having them. Which means I never go out in the evenings, and am usually surrounded by noisy DCs when I'm out in the day; I don't think that 'frazzled mum' is a very attractive look and men certainly look past me.
I haven't had sex since the split and not even in the 4 years prior to that. When I was still married I didn't want and didn't miss it; now it's a different story but I have resigned myself to being single for the foreseeable future while the DC are still small.

[64PooLane]

Well, I was an overweight 40-year-old mother of two when I split from XP and actually a surprising number of people showed keen interest, so you never know. If you don't want to write off sex, you really don't have to - not that you have to go out on a mission for it, but at least keep an open mind.

[OrlandaFuriosa]

For the poor woman with vaginal mesh issues, v sorry, loads of sympathy, but PIV isn't everything and the right person will take foreplay to its limits, satisfy him/herself. And, maybe TMI and should this be in the sex section, if she's still got a clit, then lots of fun for both. Many men love seeing their loved one aroused.

Op, never say never.

For the plump wrinkly, never say never.

[PlugUgly1980]

Not bothered at all. 2 young DC, poor body image and partner who isn’t fussed. More than happy to go without!

[PricklyBall]

Orlanda, from what I've read it may not be as simple as that, unfortunately. Many women who've had problems with mesh implants are left with such severe tissue damage and scarring that they can't bear to be touched anywhere in the vulval area any more.

[GinUser]

I am now 59, widow for 14 years, I would rather read a book than have sex, but I always found it rather boring. Although I had my husband well trained...
However, I have a toyboy, who is 52, have known him for 11 years, and he thinks I am sex on legs.
Horses for courses?

[x2boys]

Never say never indeed my grandma became a widdow at just 39 with three kids she was single for 22 years untill she started seeing an old friend they were.married for 26 years before he died!

[user1497991628]

Well, I’m late forties, gett8ng divorced, joined tinder in a fit of madness, and have now had the best sex I’ve had in years... totally unexpectedly but truly amazing.,

I wouldn’t have believed anyone who’d told me this would happen.

So never say never...

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I'm romantically incompatible so I got me a vibrator.

[ProperLavs]

This is something I have thought about recently. Just turned 50 and haven't had sex for 10 years, since my youngest was conceived. I'm no longer with anyone. I left ex 5 years ago. I really hope this isn't the way it will always be though .

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Oh and I've been single 8 years.

[grobagsforever]

@Tiggy78 well I am a 37 year old widowed mum of two and certainly intend to have sex again. I've had a relationship since my DH died and intend to have another. I know loads of young widows in very happy relationships- are you in WAY? Might help your mindset.

[grobagsforever]

@PricklyBall - there are over 30 million men on our island - if you want a sexual relationship you can have one.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Grobags that makes me feel better. I'm 37 and haven't found sex hard to come by, so to speak but I've resolved to remain single until I'm certain I'm ready to date again. Reading things like this thread make me panic slightly that I had better get out there before I'm too decrepit and wizened.. ..

[Talith]

I've had better sex in my 40s than in the last three decades. You absolutely can have great intimate and/or wild sex at your age and older. You might not be ready emotionally so take your time. But life is just beginning for you not ending x

[PricklyBall]

Yeah, but it's like the old Groucho Marx joke about "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." Yes, I suppose there is a Mo Sislak clone out there with sufficiently low standards...

Seriously though, where would I find the time? I'm a single parent with a demanding job, and stuff I like doing in my spare time. The time and money (for babysitting) involved in online dating are just not something I'd have. I also have very little in the way of sex appeal - some women don't! Even in my twenties I remember having dry patches of 3 or 4 years at a time.

But hopefully OP will head onwards and upwards, inspired by the stories of women for whom it did work.

[FrogFairy]

Well, plenty of positive stories here for you OP.

Personally, I have not had sex since 2000. I have reached the stage where I really don't think I can be arsed with the hassle of a relationship. I have zero libido, in fact the thought of being intimate turns my stomach. I suspect I have become asexual.

[Italiangreyhound]

Signora can your friend sue.

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/apr/18/more-than-800-women-sue-nhs-and-manufacturers-over-vaginal-mesh-implants

And use the money for vaginal plastic surgery. I've no idea what they can do with plastic surgery but a good surgeon may be able to work wonders. A good surgeon would cost money. Can she sue? Does she feel confident enough to sue? Is there a support group?

OP I am sure you will be able to find a partner in the future.

Are things really over with you and dh?

[StartWhereYouStand]

OP I said exactly the same as you when I got divorced. Fast forward 4 years and I met a gorgeous man online and have been having the best sex ever.
Totally would not believe it if you had told me this when my twat of an ExH left me for OW. Especially since he made out our crap sex life was all my fault.
When he left I had an awful body image, a very squishy, un-supermodel-like 40+yr old body and zero confidence about my skills in the bedroom - I genuinely thought I wouldn't remember how to do it when the time came.
But somehow, when there is the right chemistry it all comes flooding back .... and fairly quickly too on the third date