Am getting divorced. I can't imagine sleeping with anyone else and in my late 40s now, another relationship might not happen in any case?
Honestly, it is the least of my worries at the moment and I think I will mind a lot less than I thought I would. It's still a strange idea to wrap your head around though - never again 
Also, the person I want to sleep with is H (if things were not so dire between us), can't imagine another person's body.
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AIBU?
To ask how you cope with the idea that you may never have sex again
132 replies
terriblemistake · 09/10/2017 20:19
OP posts:
terriblemistake ·
10/10/2017 06:08
It's strange at first, but soon it feels right, and you're back where you thought you'd never be.
Yes somehow - it's the feeling strange bit - an alien body compared to your last partner - that worries me. Makes me even sadder to think that I will no longer be H's "body" 
. Not much I can do about it though - and he has lost interest in sex over the past few many years, so it's not as if if we stayed together that would all be fine.
Still very sad though. That you can go from being so intimate with someone to them hating the sight of you - we are now estranged in the same house waiting for a first financial court hearing which H is furious about. But for many reasons (not least his disposing of assets without telling me what for or even that it had happened) I think I had no choice.
OP posts:
Fairylea ·
10/10/2017 06:33
Some of the stories and attitudes here are so sad. I think if you really don’t want to ever have sex again then that’s fine- do whatever you like but there’s plenty of life (and sex!) to be had at older ages. It’s incredibly sad to write your romantic life of at just over 40, or any age!
My mum is 70 and started dating again aged 60. She’s been on all kinds of dates, had a few longer term relationships and most importantly had lots of fun and met lots of new people. She volunteers at lots of groups and does online dating as well. She is always on the go, despite having two chronic long term health conditions which often render her unable to do much apart from lie in bed. She is very much like my Gran who at 85 was recovering from bowel cancer surgery in intensive care and the first thing she said when she could talk was how “dishy” the doctor was and what a nice bum he had 
She had loved men and romance her whole life.
I don’t buy the media thing that men aged 40 plus only want younger women. I think most people, regardless of age, want someone who is really happy with themselves and has some confidence. My husband is 7 years younger than me, I was divorced twice with a young child when I met him. We have been together neartly 10 years now.
stevie69 ·
10/10/2017 06:38
I had the same worries but ............. late 40s women do appear to hold a certain attraction for pretty 30 something guys. Trust me 
That may not be your thing but ......if you want to have sex again, then you will 
S xx
whatwillhappen2 ·
10/10/2017 07:54
What happens on a women's tantra course ?
Or better still on a ranges one 
?
Mittens1969 ·
10/10/2017 09:35
There are plenty of men out there, OP; I didn’t get married the first time round until I was 33! And my DSis was 36 when she got married to her lovely second DH. He had a DS from his previous marriage, and they have their own DCs, a real blended family. You would have to consider whether you’re willing to be a stepmum, and that your DCs may have to adapt to being part of a blended family,
Or you could simply date, if you don’t want to marry again, if you like your independence too much.
But don’t write off your chances on the basis of being overweight! Some men prefer a few curves. And the men you will meet will have their imperfections anyway.
Namechangedtospareblushes ·
10/10/2017 09:49
Ok, i am a fat widow aged 44 with 2DC. I also felt like you until only very recently.
Without thinking too clearly about it, I added my details to what I thought was a respectable site. It wasn"t
Several panicked hours and twelvety billion dick pics later I removed my account. However, somehow, the only decent seeming man with fuck me eyes and bone structure to die for, managed to avoid my filters.
Jeez, he's just turned 30, more attractive than any of other partners and finds me attractive and funny. There have been some explicit communications.
He's now talking about meeting up with me.
I haven't shaved my legs since DH died (political is personal) , i need a team of pedicure professionals and I literally have maybe a couple of hours a week for this opportunity.
But I am seriously considering it. I don''8t want a relationship but I want to feel human touch. I want to feel wanted. And this is maybe the impetus for me starting to feel some sort of self care of myself. I have been recovering from DH's sudden suicide, been looking after 2 dcs with health conditions and i have a couple of chronic conditions. So if an hour of passionate activity brings me out from under the pile of my obligations then so be it.
That hour of desire and being desired wil hopefully ripple through my life bringing positive benefits.
It is like my body has woken up from a deep hibernation and there are now flickers from what was suddenly extinguished. I have had maybe three orgasms since death of DH and these have been with the "assistance" (cheers, internet) of the dishy toyboy who tells me and shows me quite clearly he likes older women with a bit of padding. And I have years of experience and nowhere to practise it.
Sorry for the essay.
My point is that you can never assume anything. The future teeters like a spinning coin. Be open to opportunities .Life is short, go get your rocks off, get somebody else's rocks off* and walk about with a grin on your face.
*And you don't even need to meet in person if you cant/don't want to.
64PooLane ·
10/10/2017 10:03
I'm wondering where all these opportunities are that other posters seem to think are there if you want it
Well, it depends on your specific circumstances, so obviously it won't be the same for you as for other posters.
But for example, in my case it was a combination of work and a work-related hobby; meeting interested people (and ultimately DP) was a happy side-effect. Another pp has been propositioned at the gym - that would never happen to me, partly because I do not go to the gym . Other pps have mentioned interest from younger men - which is great for them but I can't imagine it for myself; still others have done online dating etc. - again, not my thing.
It's different for everyone. But of course you need to be at least a little bit proactive and interested in whatever it is you're doing that brings you into contact with people. Nobody is saying opportunities will come to you if you just sit back and wait.
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