Strip clubs & Stag dos

[NotInMyBackYard1]

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

Are these stag dos really worth it with all the aggro they cause? Do men ever say no to them? Do they feel obliged to go so that they appear cool?

I really cannot see the point of any of it - it seldom leads to happiness.

How about*
EDUCATE YOURSELF 'LOVE'
Completely patronising.
I woulfnt want to air a different opiniin after reading this!

I said anywhere I have. I didn't post that. Try discussing feminism on other platforms if you want to see "shutting down" (and general abuse). There are a group of boys who keep telling others how much of a "bitch" I am because I opposed their misogyny over a year ago.

I apolivise it wasnt you who said it

However i certainly wouldn't give a different view after this.
It's always the same whenever this topic comes up, the same responses.

Millhouses people are allowed a different opinion to you. You sound really nasty, unpleasant, and patronising.

The fact is I don’t get wound up about strip clubs. Does that make me supportive of degrading women? Does that make me uneducated?

My husband has frequented them in the past for a late drink. It bothers me not one ounce. I’m so sorry that it bothers you so much that you would get so stressed out.

How about
EDUCATE YOURSELF 'LOVE'
Completely patronising.
I woulfnt want to air a different opiniin after reading this!*

kali that was actually in response to poster who said to me 'get off your high horse love'

My husband has frequented them in the past for a late drink.

Your husband in my opinion contributes to a culture in which women and girls are objectified and degraded, seen primarily as sex objects and commodities. He has funded an establishment which many women and girls find demoralising and degrading, thrust in our faces daily, our worth to society and how men see us.

Your husband would see me as a sex object. He would happily pay to watch me dance naked if he could. He does so with other women, so it's how he sees women and girls.

SquareSophia
I knew how this would turn out after the 'cool wives' comment

Op i'd be pissed that he had a dance and lied about it.
He obviously thought you wouldn't like it as he didn't tell you right away.
He knows how you feel, do you think he'll do it again?
It comes down to whether you can forgive this.

yup, if you dont agree that strip clubs and strippers are evil and that the men who go to them are setting back the entire female population by objectifying women then youre a misogynist

how one person feels cannot be overridden by how someoneelse feels. if a stripper enjoys her work, was paid well and taken care of, who is anyone else to tell them that they are wrong. if a women walks near to a club and feels degraded, she is equally entitled to feel that way too. but neither are more valid than the other

yup, if you dont agree that strip clubs and strippers are evil and that the men who go to them are setting back the entire female population by objectifying women then youre a misogynist

I haven't seen anyone call any other posters "misogynist" on this thread.

The men who go to them are in my opinion often misogynists but always see women as inferior to them and sex objects for their amusement.

YANBU. I would be fine with my DH visiting as part of a stag. I know he loves me and wouldn't do anything. I would be a bit at him going though if the stag wasn't there though and he still went along rather than if the stag was there and he went to be inkeeping with the spirit of the night. It would be the lie that I couldn't stand really though. Relationships don't work if you lie to each other.

The fact is I don’t get wound up about strip clubs. Does that make me supportive of degrading women?

Yes

Does that make me uneducated

Maybe. Maybe not.

It doesn't 'stress me out' at all.

It just perplexes me how women can think this is all great.

Still waiting for a response regarding any daughter of yours going into this 'career'.

Would you be happy to have men like your husband, leering at her, viewing her as a pair of tits and a fanny?

I'm really sorry if you find my objectifying of women as repugnant, to mean that I am nasty and unpleasant

I view the men, like your husband, who visit these place, nasty and unpleasant.

He does so with other women, so it's how he sees women and girls.strippers

A man once made unsolicited comments in the street to me about my breasts revolving around his opinion that I should work in a strip club. If strip clubs didn't exist, this particular harassment wouldn't have happened. Their existence has contributed to this view he has of women and girls.

@kali he said he didn't like it and wouldn't be doing it again.
I haven't asked yet what exactly he didn't like. Will save that conversation for later.
I'm not one for issuing ultimatums and clearly if he wants to hide it from me he will just do so again, but I'd like to think he will choose not to.

yup, if you dont agree that strip clubs and strippers are evil

Nowhere on this thread, has anyone said anything derogatory about women who work in these places

Scumbags go to these places, and twats say they are 'cool' with it.

YANBU.

Tell him to look at his daughters and estimate the age difference between them and some of the dancers there. Then tell him that all you've felt this morning is sadness that they're unlucky enough to have a father figure who could act like this.

Nothing else you can say but BLEURGH.

Kali100 it was the cool wives shit that made me want to post my opinion. It made me laugh out loud!

Millhouses I don’t have daughters. I have sons. If I had a girl and when she grew up she wanted to do that job, it’s up to her. If she made enough money to support herself and enjoyed it then great. Does that fry your brain? Why is it such a bad profession being a dancer in a club? You must be assuming they are all whores, in which case EDUCATE YOURSELF, LOVE.

I don’t have daughters. I have sons.

I sincerely hope you and your husband aren't bringing your sons up to think objectifying women and girls is acceptable.

It does enrage me that so many care so little for how degrading it is for so many girls to know these places exist and know no matter what we do this is how so many men and boys will see us, as sex objects who exist for their amusement.

i would let my daughter do any job she wished to. i think it is wrong to tell her she cant choose her own job. as long as she was happy, being taken care of and enjoyed her job then she could do what she wanted

Oh for heavens sake now you’re attacking my parenting??
My husband has been to a late bar a few times that happened to have a topless woman on the stage. Woopy fucking dooo.
Now you’ve all reached the conclusion I’m an awful mum?
I’m done with this feminist claptrap.

You must be assuming they are all whores

There you go again. Projecting. No I don't think women who work at these places are whores. But you must do because you have mentioned them type of words over and over.

Does it 'fry your brain' that I don't think women should be viewed as sex objects and wank fodder?

Makes sense that you only have sons.

Hopefully they won't be like their dad and view women as pieces of meat, but I fear, with yours and their fathers views, that women are there for mens sexual gratification, there's not much hope.