Strip clubs & Stag dos

[NotInMyBackYard1]

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

You know these places do exist, especially on the continent. I also went to a 40th where they hired a "sexy butler", does that really mean we see ALL men as sexual objects?

I have twice copied and pasted why it's not remotely comparable, and again outlined why in my last post. I also note you ignored all my points about the impact on many girls.

Now a decade later I do realise that life is so much more happy and chilled when you have a DP that you can actually share everything with.

I share everything with my husband. But what does that have to do with porn and strip clubs?

Sorry once posted then once copied and pasted my own post on why it's not at all comparable, then again touched upon it in my last post.

Exactly nolove

Can I say as well you are very articulate and I agree entirely I just can't express it as well as you can and I'm probably twice your age !!

I just find the whole thing disgusting and no I'm not jealous , insecure or naive or any other assumption that iv seen thrown about on Similair threads . If other women don't have an issue with it then that's up to them but nothing they say will justify it in my eyes . Hate the idea that women should just "get on with it " if my dp had a lap dance etc it would be over , end of . I'd rather be single forever than have to put up with something that I Massivley disagree with on the basis of "boys just being boys"

Can't help but feel we are going backwards with this type of thing too I think it's getting worse the way some young men seem to think it's acceptable to treat young women and how they view them .

It's incredibly frustrating not only that so many don't care about the impact on women and girls (as *HostAFireAndIce says not least on our position in society) but then also ignore polite and detailed posts about how this feels to many and also how you can't compare "naked butlers" etc when I've outlined it so many times.

Thank you very much clumsyduck for your points and the compliment! I completely agree, some of the misogyny I've heard from boys my age (and younger) is horrendous. Bad enough when it's "just" sexist jokes but violently misogynist language, rape jokes, it's horrific. All ties in to women and girls being seen as existing purely for male enjoyment, objects for them, which strip clubs are a big part of. Thankfully I do have friends who are boys who hate all this and are lovely and oppose misogyny!

Of course it's comparable. I've stated a few times I've had women dance for me, how is it not comparable??

I get sexual comments made to me and I live nowhere near a strip club. I ignore the twats.

I have posted three times why it's not comparable. This is incredibly frustrating. See my post of 11:59 on the whole culture around it and what it would be like for boys and men if it was comparable.

No woman or girl should have to put up with sexual harassment. Not all of us can just "ignore" it and there's the risk of it turning aggressive anyway. Either way, it's unacceptable. However I can see you have no wish to empathise with how I'm explaining to you many girls including myself feel about strip clubs, which is also frustrating, especially when I've spent long enough trying to explain and tried to debate reasonably.

maybe people just dont agree with your statements?

I don't see how you can disagree with their negative impact on girls if I'm telling you they've had a negative impact on me and girls to whom I factually know they have impacted negatively, but you also ignored many of my points and selectively reply to suit your point of view.

Yeah I've seen and I just don't agree, though I concur you are a concise and eloquent debater. What else can women do but ignore sexual comments? I've said I get dances but I don't speak to women like shit. Men get comments too. Going to strip clubs does not exacerbate the issue, dickheads will be dickheads and nice people can actually enjoy seeing naked people dance without being a twat. There are far worse things in the world than lapdancing clubs.

It’s disgusting and degrading to women. He should be ashamed.

Why not buy your daughters a dancing pole for Xmas (as it’s a form of exercise now apparently) and see if he approves?

[https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B01KJUFX48/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1507549130&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=dance+pole+kit&dpPl=1&dpID=4124Few0vhL&ref=plSrch]

I married early 20s, genuinely believed my husband didn't wank to porn etc. When I found out he did my world came crashing down (he cheated also).

If you were genuinely ok with men viewing porn etc then why did it matter if your ex watched it? I understand the cheating made your world come crashing down but it sounds like you were really upset by the fact that he watched porn etc when you thought he didn't. You clearly weren't always ok with it. Sounds like you got to the stage where you felt you just needed to accept the fact that all men do it.

I get sexual comments made to me and I live nowhere near a strip club. I ignore the twats.

Why do you think that is? Some men feel entitled to make sexual comments about women's bodies because we live in a culture where we are often viewed as nothing but sexual objects.

What else can women do but ignore sexual comments?

Depressing isn't it? I think the only thing women can do apart from ignore them is try to challenge the attitudes which make people (men and women apparently) think that the sort of society we live in, which sends out all sorts of messages to young men that it is acceptable to view women in this way and make comments like this to young women, is inevitable because 'men are wired like that'. I can't say I have much hope of success, but I'm impressed that people like Noloveofmine are still trying.

What else can women do but ignore sexual comments?

Challenge the culture which normalises them of which in my opinion strip clubs are a part. My first instance of suffering harassment was 14 in my school uniform. Why should I have had to deal with that? This isn't rare, either. It starts for most girls in our early teens. I also once ignored it and was shouted at by the two men who were harassing me that I was a "miserable bitch". There is no response which pleases the men and boys who harass women and girls.

Going to strip clubs does not exacerbate the issue, dickheads will be dickheads and nice people can actually enjoy seeing naked people dance without being a twat.

They present women as sex objects and many who go then translate these attitudes into their day to day lives. What about all the women whose careers suffer due to men going on work nights out at them? Those women aren't choosing to be excluded from work events and made to feel uncomfortable by them.

There are far worse things in the world than lapdancing clubs.

I don't understand the relevance of this comment. I was brought to feminism by the most serious male violence against a friend when we were 14. Please don't insinuate I don't know about terrible things in the world. This shapes my life daily.

Thank you HostaFireAndIce. It is incredibly frustrating at times but very heartening to receive support from women such as yourself and others!

i dont agree that every man or woman who has ever been to a strip club views every man/ woman they see as sex objects

i think you are vastly over generalising based on your own limited personal experiences

some men are dicks towards women, but they will dicks whether they go to a strip club or not. Some men arent dicks towards women, and they wont be dicks wheteher they go to a strip club or not

Some men arent dicks towards women, and they wont be dicks wheteher they go to a strip club or not

Men who go to strip clubs are dicks. You're either the type to pay to see a pair of boobs and be danced around or you aren't. If you objectify women you are a dick. Men who go to strip clubs are objectifying women. They don't walk out of the strip club and suddenly start having respect for women. That's not to say they are horrible to women to their faces but it speaks volumes about the way they view them.

i dont agree

And men who are dicks to some women- i.e. sex workers, and not dicks to other women -i.e. their wives, mothers, sisters and daughters - are exhibiting the Madonna/whore dichotomy and are therefore dicks overall.

Oh, and this is the flipside of the 'cool wives' argument. Anybody on these threads who believes their partner does not wank off to porn or secretly at least desire to go to strip clubs, if not actually go, is inevitably portrayed as naïve/controlling/prudish, if not all three.
People who don't agree should not be called prudish, but im sick to the back teeth of seeing the term 'cool wives' trotted out just because some people are ok with it.
Why can't prople have a discussion without these usual insults?

araiwa me neither.
Its really sad that we can't have a thread without insults.