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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip clubs & Stag dos

784 replies

NotInMyBackYard1 · 08/10/2017 10:44

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

OP posts:
araiwa · 09/10/2017 09:55

i think it is extraordinary that anyone would think the existence of strip clubs to be extraordinary.

stupid men will pay money to see boobs the world over

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2017 09:58

I suppose I have a higher opinion of men than many other posters. It must be because I am a feminist.

araiwa · 09/10/2017 10:01

i have a high opinion of many men- knowing they like boobs doesnt make me think any less of them

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:03

Interesting how "liking boobs" as you put it translates to them needing an entire industry devoted to providing women to dance naked for their enjoyment, women existing purely as commodities to entertain men, translating into how women and girls are seen in society in general. Plenty of men find women attractive but manage to see us as equal human beings, not objects to pay to leer over.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2017 10:03

"knowing they like boobs doesnt make me think any less of them"

Surely knowing they would pay to look at a stranger's boobs must make you think a little less of them?

Nancy91 · 09/10/2017 10:05

I don't think it's pathetic to want to see attractive members of the opposite sex naked. I have seen some things that are genuinely extraordinary in my life, I don't think strip clubs make the list.

Nice to see the rest of my post ignored, the same as any other dancer that has an opinion, I guess.

Sallystyle · 09/10/2017 10:08

Do people not think it is extraordinary that there is an entire industry devoted to women getting their tits out for men? Do men not think "Bloody hell, this is utterly pathetic of me to be here, paying good money to look at a stranger's tits"?

Lets face it, if your idea of a good night out is to pay to see women topless or have them grind around you then you are pretty pathetic.

Even if I wasn't against the sex industry on feminist grounds I would find it sad, seedy and pathetic. Grown men paying to see a pair of boobs, sitting with their mates. Yuck.

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:08

Nice to see the rest of my post ignored, the same as any other dancer that has an opinion, I guess.

Again, my points have been continually ignored by those defending strip clubs. Points about the impact on other women and girls which I have outlined numerous times. If you read through my posts you'd also see that I said something along the lines of "I expect most women who work in strip clubs choose to" very early on and this is the only comment I made on dancers. Actually it's supporters of strip clubs who keep ignoring the impact on so many other women and girls, so stop claiming it's your points being ignored. It's quite manipulative.

araiwa · 09/10/2017 10:08

theyre not treating all women as commodities.

pay strippers to strip
pay cleaners to clean
pay lawyers to lawyer

if some guy wants to pay a stripper £20 to see her boobs then its up to him. not what i would do with £20 but he can spend it how he wants

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:10

I find it so frustrating to read comments like that when my points about how it's effected girls such as myself are completely disregarded. But I suppose the lives of women and girls don't matter when men have to have the right to pop into clubs night after night because they "like boobs" (or rather like objectifying women, see women as commodities, exclude women from their work nights out and laugh with one another at deceiving their wives/girlfriends knowing they find strip clubs demeaning).

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:11

affected

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2017 10:12

"Nice to see the rest of my post ignored, the same as any other dancer that has an opinion, I guess."

Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. But for me this isn't about the women who work in the"industry". It's about the men who use it, and the society that accepts it. Hovever, I do think it's naive in the extreme to deny the evident of exploitation that goes on. For example, the police wouldn't have special units devoted to dealing with trafficked women if they didn't think it was a significant issue.

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:12

Why did a man once comment on my breasts to me in the street and suggest I should work in a strip club? Why have men going to the strip club near my school harassed teenage girls having to walk past with comments about how they could be working there one day? Seems they were seeing all women and girls through the viewpoint of how women are presented by strip clubs.

Sallystyle · 09/10/2017 10:12

I don't think it's pathetic to want to see attractive members of the opposite sex naked.

Paying for it, sitting with your friends or work colleagues whilst you all get off on a pair of breasts is pathetic. I mean seriously, that vision doesn't seem pathetic to you?

We can all appreciate a nice body. Most of us don't pay for it.

Sallystyle · 09/10/2017 10:14

theyre not treating all women as commodities.

pay strippers to strip
pay cleaners to clean
pay lawyers to lawyer

^^^^

You really don't see the difference between selling a service and a body?

araiwa · 09/10/2017 10:17

there is no difference- a commodity is a commodity

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:18

My response once again ignored. I think it's pretty clear which points are being ignored and by whom.

anon97528996 · 09/10/2017 10:21

I’m more more than happy to admit my insecurities play a part in my feelings about strip clubs. I put it down to the conditioning women face from a young age, that we should be decorative and attractive to keep a man’s interest. The idea that they still want to come home to their partners for dinner is irrelevant, if they are willing and able to seek out and purchase sexual services it would make me feel there is no other part of our relationship which could not be replaced or outsourced for money. I don’t want to be the “free”, downgraded version of the “premium” service they pay for elsewhere when I’m just not attractive or titilating enough to inspire loyalty.

Nancy91 · 09/10/2017 10:25

I'll write a proper response to the above posts when I'm on my break, but I just want to state that strippers don't sell their bodies, they have full ownership of their bodies 24/7. If men pay to look at them they don't own the stripper. I don't think the wording is correct to say dancer's sell their bodies. You wouldn't say that about a dancer on stage in a theatre, so please don't say it about women on stages in clubs. The men are paying for a service - not a person.

My body is MINE, no matter who looks at it or what they think of it. I choose what to do with it.

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:28

No surprise again Nancy91 you've completely ignored my points about the impact on other women and girls.

NoLoveofMine · 09/10/2017 10:30

What's also very disheartening is not only how many men see women and girls as sex objects no matter what we do, our worth being only our bodies to them, but how many women also don't care at all about the culture girls are having to grow up in. That so many girls I know can be impacted and demeaned by such clubs and so many women not care is a great shame.

Sallystyle · 09/10/2017 10:30

Ok, rent their bodies then.

anon97528996 · 09/10/2017 10:34

You don’t buy strippers bodies, or prostitutes either for that matter. You pay for their time and services. If you sell something that implies it transfers ownership, at best you could say sex workers rent out their bodies, but you can’t say they are sold (unless I’m missing something and men leave strip clubs with a pair of tits in their jacket pocket). FWIW, if men want to be creepy pervs that’s totally on them, and I’m in full support of any woman who’s able to exploit and fleece them for as much money as they can get. If women can’t benefit materially from men being disgusting and disrespecting their very existence, that’s an even sadder state of affairs for me. I understand why it would appear these women are supporting a harmful industry but without consensual sexual workers we would only be left with the non-consensual ones. Blame lies fully with the demand/market and that’s where attitudes need to change.

Sallystyle · 09/10/2017 10:36

Yes, it isn't selling a body. I was wrong to say that.

I certainly think it's renting one though.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2017 10:38

OK. Replace "buy" with "rent" throughout. Let's not be side tracked.