Strip clubs & Stag dos

[NotInMyBackYard1]

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

It's opened my eyes Tinkerbec. Whether the same services are on offer over here I don't know but I couldn't laugh off the man I was with paying for one of these acts:

"A variety of private dances are promoted in strip clubs. Table dancing is performed on a low coffee table or on a small portable platform near the customer’s seat. The woman’s breasts and genitals are eye level to the customer. Couch dancing for a customer entails the dancer standing over him on the couch, dangling her breasts or bopping him in the face with her pubic
area. Lap dancing requires the woman to straddle the man’s lap and grind against him until he ejaculates in his pants. A variation involves the woman dancing between his legs while he slides down in his chair so that the dancer’s thighs are rubbing his crotch as she moves. Bed dancing is offered in a private room and requires a woman to lay on top of a fully clothed man and simulate
sexual intercourse until he ejaculates. Shower dancing is offered in upscale clubs and allows a 0017387 clothed patron to get into a shower stall with one or more women and massage their bodies with
soap. Wall dancing requires a stripper to carry alcohol swabs to wash the customer’s fingers before he inserts them into her vagina. His back is stationary against the wall and she is pressed against him with one leg lifted."

Physical Abuse
Customers spit on women, spray beer, and flick cigarettes at them. Strippers are pelted
with ice, coins, trash, condoms, room keys, pornography, and golf balls. Men pitched a live
guinea pig and a dead squirrel at two women in the survey. Some women have been hit with
cans and bottles thrown from the audience. Customers pull women’s hair, yank them by the arm
or ankle, rip their costumes, and try to pull their costumes off. Women are commonly bitten,
licked, slapped, punched, and pinched.

Sexual Abuse
Stripclub customers frequently grab women’s breasts, buttocks, and genitals. Customers
often attempt and succeed at penetrating strippers vaginally and anally with their fingers, dollar
bills, and bottles. Customers expose their penises, rub their penises on women, and masturbate in
front of the women. Women in this study consistently connected lap dances to the sexual abuse
they suffered in the club. “That’s the first thing men try to do when they get close to you and
always in a lap dance.” Stripclub owners, managers, and staff also expect women to masturbate
them and some have forced intercourse on strippers.

Verbal Abuse
Customers, owners, managers, and staff alike engage in harassing namecalling. Women
are continually called “cunt, “whore”, “pussy”, “slut”, and “bitch”. Women in this study charge
that men in the stripclub called them other demeaning or degrading names like ugly, looser, fat,
pregnant, boy, stupid, crack, slash, snatch, beaver, dog, dyke, lezzie, brown eye, hooters, junkie,
crackhead, and shit.
Forty four percent of the women report that men associated with the stripclub have
threatened to hurt them physically. These women report from three to 150 threats during their
involvement in stripping. Threats range from verbal threats of slaps, ass whippings, and rapes to
physical postures of punching and back hand slapping. “When I wouldn’t let a customer grab
on me, he would call me a bitch and threaten to kick my ass or rape me.” “When a customer
grabs and the woman and the girl takes action, they threaten”.

I think they should all be shut down. I also think Playboy should be banned and Hooters restaurants. I can't get my head round these things being acceptable in this day and age.

NotInMyBackYard1 he shouldn't minimise it.
He went knowing you wouldn't like it and then lied.
I would not be impressed if mine had a private dance, i would be even angrier if he then lied about it.

Makes me feel sick reading the previous few posts. I'm pretty angry with him. I'm going to have to get the truth from him as to what exactly happened - whether I want to hear it or not.

Sorry NotInMyBackYard1. I posted as that report was an eye-opener to me. I think people (men) go not realising the significance of it all, seeing it as just a bit of fun. It really isn't reading these reports.

OPs partner absolutely SHOULD NOT have lied by omission, but he shouldn't have felt the need to either! Based on what seems to be the standard reaction on this thread I can understand why he did though
If it's been discussed previously, he lied because he knew op wouldn't want him to go.
If it hadn't been discussed why would he lie about it, unless he suspected it was a sleazy thing to do while married and his wife would be upset. I highly doubt he omitted to mention it because he thought it on a par with everyday activity and therefore didn't need to mention it. Op asked, after all.
Both equally disrespectful decisions.

OP
You have every right to be annoyed and upset because by lying he has broken your trust.

Whatever each of us thinks about the existence of such clubs, the fact is he lied to you. That is the most important thing in all of this, not whether strangers online have different lines they would draw.

LTB. Ignore the cool wifes. So many men out there actually respect women and find strip clubs abhorrent. You are worth more than this and you don't need to just shut up and put up.

There's no need for 'cool wives' comments. It's a phrase only ever used on relationships threads to mock & sneer at any woman who happens to different boundaries to the posters.

e.g. my husband has been texting a female coworker & I don't like it - 'YANBU but be prepared for people being 'cool wives'. It's not ok.
e.g. my husband has a hobby and wants to spend a day doing it. He says it's fair because last weekend I was away at a hen do. - YANBU why should you be at home with the kids whilst he goes off having fun but be prepared for the 'cool wives' telling you a man should be allowed to do what he likes because wifey should stay at home

"Cool wives" is an insult with an undertone of projection and insecurity to it, in my opinion.

People have different boundaries and different opinions on things. Shocking.

'Cool wives' is trotted out when the said 'cool wives' excuse their husbands misogynistic bullshit.

Only 'cool wives' accept porn, strip clubs, lap dancing, prostitutes as male 'banter'. Just fellas being fellas.

I feel sorry for them that their bar is set so low.

I agree nancy.

But accepting people have different boundaries and ways of doing things doesn't give posters a smug sense of superiority so it's essential to have a catch all phrase that can be trotted out on almost any relationships thread where people have different views.

DH has suggested a threesome. Im interetsed but not 100% sure yet. Most replies = you need to talk openly about this, make sure you are on the same page. Some replies = i have done it and this was my positive/negative experience. Inevitable posters = He just wants an excuse to shag around. Be careful because he'll probably cheat on you if you say no because a man would only want a threesome when he wants a free pass. But be warned OP, the cool wives will be along to tell you to give into him.

Millhouse,

Where has anyone described themself as a cool wife? Or said that using prostitutes is banter?

If you feel sorry for these women, do you feel that taking the piss out of them by calling them sarcastic names is kind or helpful?

We don't nancy because we understand that on a lot of things regarding relationships everyone has different boundaries and it is intersting to discuas them without being an arse.

People only resort to labelling others 'cool wives' when they are looking for a way to patronise another woman and dismiss their views.

If you feel sorry for these women, do you feel that taking the piss out of them by calling them sarcastic names is kind or helpful?

No. Not at all. So what you are saying is I should show more empathy? So you actually agree that they are to be pitied?

Also, what is the difference between using a womans 'hole' for £50, or ogling a woman and throwing money at her for wobbling her tits in your face?

All equals to men using womens body parts for their sexual gratification.

Sad.

There's no need for 'cool wives' comments. It's a phrase only ever used on relationships threads to mock & sneer at any woman who happens to different boundaries to the posters.
Yep, and i certainly would be pissed if i was the op.
Cool wives is used to shut down any discussion.

Only 'cool wives' accept porn, strip clubs, lap dancing, prostitutes as male 'banter'. Just fellas being fellas.
Sigh, some people have different opinion, shocking that

Only 'cool wives' accept porn, strip clubs, lap dancing, prostitutes as male 'banter'. Just fellas being fellas.

Sigh, some people have different opinion, shocking that

Not shocking. Just disappointed

Wonder how many of the DHs who frequent these places would be cool with their wives working in them for the next couple of months to make a bit of extra cash for Chrimbo.!!!

Why is it not cheating just because money changes hands?