Strip clubs & Stag dos

[NotInMyBackYard1]

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

Kali I was thanking SlideAway for supporting me.
I didn’t mention anyone else. Frankly several people have been fucking horrid.

Like the person who laughed at women being deceived by their partners, Sophia? Fully agree.
Wanderlust you prove all my points admirably. Not quite sure why you think appearance is relevant, but quite telling that you assume others do, and feel the need to mention it.

Do I think exploitation happens? Yes. I do.
So deal with the exploitation rather than conflate exploitation with a debate about the morals of strip clubs.

I'm sorry, but they go hand in hand. The majority of exploitation does take place within the sex trade. Lap dancing clubs are a part of this.

Bold fail sorry.

SquareSophia yes i agree with you which is why i'd stuck for you on some points, i certainly didn't want people thinking id said something so horrible.

Karlos When I have I laughed at anyone? I have no idea what you are referring to.

Yes Kali I know you did and I thank you as well.

Go back and read your first posts on this thread. If you can't see what's wrong with them, candidly, you're beyond reason.

SquareSophia its ok, hope you're not taking the comments to heart. I know some have been awful, but it certainly doesn't say anything about you.

Thank you Kali. It’s hard not to take them personally. I was actually trying to help the OP by saying I don’t think it’s necessarily a big deal. But others have gone way too far.

Karlos sorry I’ve literally no clue what you are on about. Maybe you misinterpreted my comments. I’ve laughed at no one.

I suppose yes I am trying to decide if it's a big deal or not - because knowing my husband he will minimise it and then attempt to brush it all under the carpet and I will be 'over-reacting'
Having said that, the way he has been pussy-footing around me today suggests he knows his behaviour is out of order and I'm justified in my cool treatment of him. I'd like to know quite how far this lap dance went - but then I'll probably regret knowing once I do.

I understand your points MaisyPops. For me, the issue I have is other women and girls having no choice but to exist in the culture these clubs perpetuate. As I said, I have no choice about having to walk past them, past men going to them, have had no choice about the harassment which referenced them nor do the girls I know who've been subject to such harassment near the club in close proximity to our school. Then there's also the workplace trips there which couldn't happen were it not for the acceptance of women being presented in such a way, with all the knock on effects for women in the workplace etc. Hope you can understand my general point as well and am glad you agree with the workplace element!

This is getting boring now.... same posts again and again

OP there are worse things that can happen to a marriage! You know your DH more than anyone, if he was the beast treating woman as commodities you'd know it by now . Ending your marriage cause of this is plain stupid! And telling your girls what their dad did like a poster suggested is fucking ridiculous!!! Don't kill the soul of your children by exposing their dad like this! That's your dirty laundry between you two it has nothing to do with your dcs! He made a fucking mistake he's a fucking human being!!! Move on ...

I'm completely behind NoLoveofMine and what she's said. Thought she was much older.

This has always stuck in my mind:

"The article below cited statistics from a 2003 study which said that the number of rapes increased by 50% and indecent assaults by 57% in the London borough of Camden after four lap dancing venues opened."

www.theguardian.com/world/2008/mar/19/gender.uk

Agreed, I will never tell my DDs about this. It's embarrassing to be honest. They adore their Dad & wouldn't have a clue what I was on about.
It's not marriage-ending, but it does make me feel pretty awkward about him sexually. I thought I knew him, now I'm not so sure!

OP people fuck up!!!!!! You ll never screw up? Give it time...

This also interesting (old and from the US but I doubt things are any better now over here):

www.grand-island.com/Home/ShowDocument?id=10354

Karlos my comment was only aimed at you, merely to demonstrate the patheticness of your 'lack of intellect' comment 😅 but yes I'm bored now also. If you don't like the clubs that's fine by me, I don't judge you. Just don't go? I'll continue to go and be ok with the many folk who do go and will continue to go for many years to come. Happy days

Thank you very much annielouise!

NotInMyBackYard1 I hope you're feeling alright and sorry you experienced this from your husband. I hope he understands your point and can see why you're rightly upset.

I'll continue to go and be ok with the many folk who do go and will continue to go for many years to come. Happy days

Not "happy days" for the girls at my school who have to walk past one regularly including when it's open, be reminded constantly of our worth in society by it or all the women whose careers suffer with workplace nights out at them excluding them and/or making them feel uncomfortable.

There's something quite distasteful about revelling in the existence of clubs which make many women and girls feel very uncomfortable and demeaned.

Party it wasn't an accident that he ended up in there. He paid for a lap dance. Again, not by accident. More than just a 'fuck up' - a decision to do something which he knew I don't agree with.

I think delving into the reports I've posted plus others you can find with a bit of research really shows it up to be what it is - sleazy and dangerous.

Grim reading Annie sounds absolutely awful

Reading the second report it seems there's a variety of things on offer including the woman rubbing herself up against him so he ejaculates in his trousers. Or he's eye level with her vulva. I honestly don't think I could stay with someone that thinks this acceptable. I might stay for a while so as not to have a knee-jerk reaction but my respect for him would have plummeted and I think it would be a slippery slope and we'd end up finishing eventually. You couldn't look at them with the same eyes, in my opinion.