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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip clubs & Stag dos

784 replies

NotInMyBackYard1 · 08/10/2017 10:44

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

OP posts:
SlideAway82 · 08/10/2017 19:14

SquareSophia - I've agreed with EVERYTHING you've said. I guess I'm in the stupid camp too.

Some people seem to think their opinions are FACTS and therefore we can't argue against them. How you feel about strippers and those who visit strip clubs are opinions....and we are allowed to have opposing ones. Without being labelled stupid because we don't agree.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 19:14

I would disagree that because a man enjoys going to a club they see all womrn as sexual objects to be consumed

Ah right. So what you are saying is that there are differing levels of 'women'

The ones who work in strip clubs, and the type that men get married to? Is that right?

For all of you saying women love working in these clubs and earn good money and pay their uni fees and enjoy it, I can show you 50 other women that have no self esteem, issues beyond belief, are coerced and basically pimped out, shall I go on?

I despair, I really do. Bringing up my daughter in a world where this is rife and even worse, condoned by others to make is so acceptable in society, that a woman in a fuck hole an not much more else.

I am so glad people like my brother and husband exist in this world.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 19:15

*is a

Wanderlust1984 · 08/10/2017 19:18

Intellectual heavyweights GrinGrinGrin love it!! 😅😅

I've no issues with my own intellect. Akin to no issues with my own appearance Wink Just thank God I don't have to be on tenterhooks each time my partner goes out worrying whether or not he'll go to a strip club as something so non-event really isn't an issue for me 😉

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 19:18

I agree nolove. I do sympathise with the culture of sexualising women.

For me I find it hard to find the line between where a woman is making a choice I wouldn't (like stripping or lap dancing) vs something that would be morally wrong. I feel quite uncomfortable with saying an environment of consenting women and customers is immoral, even if it's not something I would do.
Equally, I want women (& men) to be proud of their sexuality and have the freedom to demonstrate it. The question for me is how do we best create a culture where sexuality is embraced and celebrated without it being the defining feature of an individual/reducing women or men to their sex appeal.
I don't have an answer to that yet. So for now, i'm in the 'consenting adults within thr law' camp until I come up with something better.

Sallystyle · 08/10/2017 19:18

Ah right. So what you are saying is that there are differing levels of 'women'

The ones who work in strip clubs, and the type that men get married to? Is that right?

Yep, that comment by that poster proved the misogyny involved rather well.

Sallystyle · 08/10/2017 19:20

Just thank God I don't have to be on tenterhooks each time my partner goes out worrying whether or not he'll go to a strip club as something so non-event really isn't an issue for me

Huh? It has never crossed my mind to worry about my husband going to a strip club. Why would I need to be on tenterhooks when it isn't his thing and never has been?

thewooster · 08/10/2017 19:22

I have a 22 year old daughter currently studying for an MSc and if she told me she was working in a strip club I'd be so upset, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Just the thought of her pestering men as soon as they walk through the club door to buy a dance, so she can get naked for them.

And then on to the next man who gets to choose if she's sexy enough to pay her £10 to strip until she's made enough money to cover her fees and maybe a profit.

No matter if she makes a profit from it, the letching and comments must wear thin after a while and your view must become jaded of men who visit these clubs.

Plus I would sooner have my daughter graduate with a student loan to pay and a good career ahead of her, than to know she is past her best at 25 as a stripper and no real career options.

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 19:22

I would disagree that because a man enjoys going to a club they see all womrn as sexual objects to be consumed

Ah right. So what you are saying is that there are differing levels of 'women'
The ones who work in strip clubs, and the type that men get married to? Is that right?

No. I am crediting men with an ounce of intelligence to differentiate between a woman who had chosen a particular job which involves dancing and using her sexuality to make money and women who choose not to make that choice.

Nothing to do with their worth as people.

But thank you for ignoring the senible debate I had been having with others and just jump straight to suggesting I'm misogynistic because I hold a different view to you.

kali110 · 08/10/2017 19:23

would disagree that because a man enjoys going to a club they see all womrn as sexual objects to be consumed
Is that the same for woman who
See male strippers? Or go to strip clubs?
Do they also see every single bloke as a sex object?
Or every woman?

kali110 · 08/10/2017 19:24

MaisyPops
I also didn't rush to swe that just because a bloke goes to a strip club they must view every woman as a sex object.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 19:25

Just thank God I don't have to be on tenterhooks each time my partner goes out worrying whether or not he'll go to a strip club

Ah yes, me neither. Thank GOD, I didn't marry a man who would pay to leer at womens tits and ignore everything else that is attached.

Thank god I married a man who treats women as equals and doesn't treat them as objects for his gratification.

littlebird7 · 08/10/2017 19:25

Maisy

The problem is this has nothing at all to do with sexuality and expressing desire. And everything to do with a commercial business making money out of women.
Do you really think the women are expressing desire for the old codgers in the lap dancing bars? Of course not. They are just being paid to look like they are.
There is a world of difference between sexuality, desire m and freedom and straight up exploitation created by a host of drugs/money/trafficked problems

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 19:26

Not read the thread properly again have you kali?

A pp has succinctly put why is is incomparable, but yes, women who go to see male strippers are also a bit sad and pathetic.

kali110 · 08/10/2017 19:27

Not read the thread properly again have you kali?
Yes i have actually but carry on with more patronising posts.

Sallystyle · 08/10/2017 19:28

Sorry Maisy I saw the quote but didn't realise it was you who posted it.

A lot of people do think there are different levels of women though.

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 19:30

little
The women don't have to fancy the men there to feel happy about dancing. Not all women who strip will do lap dances etc. Each woman is entitled to draw her own line.

What I object to is women telling other women what is good for them with a sense of superiority (& thr assumption that any woman making that choice must be a victim).

If a woman freely chooses to do a job that is within the law and they choose it making an informed decision then it doesn't matter what my personal views of lap dancing are, it is not my place to judge their decision.

Same in relationships. If a man or woman wishes to book a naked butler for a party, attend a strip club etc then as long as all parties are consenting adults, my personal views don't come into it.

SlideAway82 · 08/10/2017 19:31

Kali how you can accuse anyone of being patronising is laughable! No one will forget the 'intellectual heavyweights' comment in a hurry

SquareSophia · 08/10/2017 19:31

Thank you SlideAway82.
Mumsnet has a bullying culture it seems.
I find that really upsetting. I have a business degree, an accounting qualification and until leaving work to raise kids was very highly paid.
My husband is a lovely and intelligent man. He’s had a late drink a few times in a strip club.
Now according to Mumsnet I’m thick, my husband is a pig and I’m a shit mum.
All because I dare to differ.

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 19:32

A lot of people do think there are different levels of women though
No worries.

I think some people do see different levels of women. But I would like to see that challeneged for the falsehood that it is without judging or belittling other women's choices (if that makes sense).

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 19:32

I am crediting men with an ounce of intelligence to differentiate between a woman who had chosen a particular job which involves dancing and using her sexuality to make money

But it's NOT a 'choice' for a hell of a lot of women working in these clubs. If ypu have this view that the inly women who work in these places do it because they love it and make a shit tonne of money and are empowered and enjoy turning men on, you are so very mistaken.

These women are in the minority. The sex trade makes money off the exploited.

kali110 · 08/10/2017 19:32

slide excuse me? I never made that comment

Witsender · 08/10/2017 19:33

😂 at tenterhooks. I have genuinely no concern that my husband hides any secret desire to go to a strip or lap dancing club. No chance. I wouldn't have married someone so base.

MaisyPops · 08/10/2017 19:34

ILoveMillhousesDad
As I have repeatedly said on this thread, I have no issue what goes on within thr law between adults who exercise free and informed consent.

Do I think exploitation happens? Yes. I do.
So deal with the exploitation rather than conflate exploitation with a debate about the morals of strip clubs.

kali110 · 08/10/2017 19:34

SquareSophia SlideAway82 check again, it was karlos who made that comment Hmm

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