Strip clubs & Stag dos

[NotInMyBackYard1]

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

The reassuring thing is that many men do see the men who go to them as pathetic and laughable, and I would like to believe that most men never would. Certainly no boys I'm friends with ever would when they're old enough to.

No love, just every man now? And if you think that every man that's been to a lap dance club sees you as a sexual object then you may need a little reality check

Every man who's been to a lap dancing club sees all women as sex objects, and probably girls in their late teens, including myself, yes.

repeating the same statement over and over doesnt make you correct

its a grey area of opinions and nuance. there are feminists that argue against the existence of strip clubs. there are feminists that argue to deny the woman full control over her body, choices and will by not letting her work in a strip club is a misogynist view

I have posted many statements and I stand by them all.

Every man who's been to a lap dancing club sees all women as sex objects, and probably girls in their late teens, including myself, yes.

thats quite a claim!!

If they've gone to a strip club they've gone somewhere purely to view naked women dancing for his amusement. If any other woman was there than the ones who were, he'd view them as such. He therefore sees all women as existing for his amusement.

Because of course, she is making big claims in saying men view her as a sex object - she's really bugging herself up because actually, being viewed as a sex object is great.
That must be the thinking here mustn't it; if "thinking" isn't too grandiose a term for it

Karlos oh I'm not trying to persuade you of anything or be particularly earth shattering. It was a simple conversation that's all!

And here we go again a bunch of women purporting to be standing up for the rights of women stating that they should be dealt with with respect, disrespecting the different views of other women and calling them all manner of things when they exercise their independent thoughts, and not the merest hint of irony. Some people go ballistic at the thought tgeir DH has even thought of going to a strip club. Others don't give a shit if DH goes every week. The only thing that matters is if the couple agree!

This.
This whole thread is MN at it's most frustrating. OP asks about a specific situation within the boundaries of her own unique marriage and 5 pages later the thread has dissolved into a sarcastic put-downs competition and a bun fight about an unrelated person's parenting skills / marriage.
OP I hope you've managed to have a chat with your DH and reach some kind of conclusion on this.

Are men not meant to find women sexual?? Isn't this part of basic human instinct??

All this has given me an idea. My young neighbor is very good looking. I could offer him a twenty to get naked for me. Maybe some of my friends will chip in. And he can put the money in his uni fund. His mother will be so proud.

Are women not meant to find men sexual? Why is everything in society in sexual terms geared around men's sexual desires, male sexuality, objectifying women and girls for men? Why do men have the right to have establishments they can go into on any evening in every city and view naked women dancing for their amusement?

Saying men finding women sexual is "basic human instinct" means men are the default humans and women's desires irrelevant, women existing to fulfill men's sexual desires.

OP I'm sorry to hear what you discovered. YADNBU especially given that he had a private dance - I wouldn't be happy with this whether my OH had paid or not.

Nolove - It is heartening to see someone of the younger generation standing by her feminist values and I'm disgusted that a strip club is allowed to run so close to your school. I see men who regularly frequent such places as pathetic. Glad you have male friends who share your view, to balance out the losers.

I told my husband if he went to a strip flu on his Stag do then fair enough but no way was he to have a private dance as I definitely class that as cheating..as far as I know they didn't go in one but I'm perfectly aware that they could have done

Vice versa too of course. Plus I find some women sexy, is that wrong too?

How is EVERYTHING geared around sexual needs? All I'm asking is why the eff is it wrong for people to see these girls as sexual? To say that if they go they see ALL women as sexual is a massive generalisation. If I see a fit bloke/woman I find fit, I don't henceforth proceed to see any adult in a sexual way.

Stag do bloody auto correct

Thank you very much Phelan. It is awful - I dislike them anywhere of course and find them all degrading but the proximity of this one to my school is, as I said, a daily reminder of how society views us. It's extremely disheartening for many girls at my school and sadly unsurprisingly some have been harassed by men on their way there after having to be at school late. It's definitely reassuring to have male friends who share my views on this, and to know what my dad thinks of them!

To equate opposing strip clubs with opposing seeing anyone as "sexy" is ridiculous. No girls work in them either, that'd be illegal thankfully. These clubs exist to provide women to dance naked for men's sexual gratification, sending out the message men have the right to purchase this and that this is what women and girls are primarily for. They degrade women and girls, foster a hostile environment for women and girls in the locality and help exclude women from work trips as well when colleagues go to them particularly in certain industries.

I wouldn't care about the club, I would care about the lying.

this entire thread is absurd except for remarks from woman who actually were/are daancers
on a website that regularly posts pics of halfnaked men,with all the oohs and ahhs from other posters
spent many years making costumes for dancers male and female.
none of them were exploited,and just for the record womens behavior in these clubs was absolutely insane compared to men in the female clubs.
yelling screaming stripping off their bras chasing after the guys.and fucking them in their cars and back rooms.
you are all welcome to your opinions but i see a big double standard here.
i do have an issue with the lie/why does he feel he had to lie.

'the entire thread is absurd except from the posters who represent one minority view'

err ok

Quite frankly if you are trying to stand up for women's rights you really are all concentrating in the wrong place! May be it would be a more femanist approach to support them in their choices. Try concentrating on issues where women really are being abused, just for being women. Focus on domestic violence (men and women), focus on women being raped and having forced abortions by abusive partners. Women killed by their families for having unsupervised contact with a man, victims of FGM. Women not being allowed to work, the gender pay gap. Stop using all your energy getting angry cos a woman makes money by stripping down to flaunt what god have them. Let's face it walk into any nightclub and teenagers wearing not much more than strippers are being drooled over by some 40 year old dads giggling like school boys.

And quite frankly it's degrading to men to say just because they go into an establishment whose reason to exist is got men to look at naked women suddenly means they will think it's their god given right to stuff a tenner down some random girls knickers and expect her to do the same as he has been taught all women can be bought is fucking ludicrous.