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Original poster

To think most women have had a miscarriage at some point?

275 replies

brasty · 08/10/2017 00:18

I get the impression from talking to friends, that most women have had a miscarriage at some point, although most are very early on. Is my impression correct do you think?

OP posts:
TooManyPaws · 08/10/2017 17:14

I had the full gamut of early pregnancy signs and then a very heavy, cramping and strange period two to three weeks late. I didn't test so early but I had the conviction that I was pregnant, just as my mother had with me. It's been my only pregnancy and I'm now through the menopause. It would have been difficult and I never really wanted children but I would have got through somehow. I do sometimes wonder, given that any child would be in their teens now.

Whinesalot · 08/10/2017 17:17

I had an early one.

brownfang · 08/10/2017 17:19

I thought I worked out that half of all sexually active women will have at least one in their lives.

herecomesthsun · 08/10/2017 18:37

"Alpacalypse* my first pregnancy (I had a miscarriage which was traumatic and life threatening) had an EDD of the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo.

RainbowPastel · 08/10/2017 18:54

I don't think most have. I haven't and nor have my two best friends. My mum had two quite late on and my SIL did too.

Spangles1963 · 08/10/2017 18:55

I'm pretty sure I've never had one,and I think I must be unusual in that I know of only one person close to me who has.

GhostsToMonsoon · 08/10/2017 19:45

I had one in early pregnancy, and it was only afterwards that I found out how common it was. It seems to be a bit of a taboo subject and most people wait until the 12-week scan to tell people they are pregnant.

PlayOnWurtz · 08/10/2017 20:02

thumb I mentioned it to the receptionist but otherwise didn't have the wherewithal to do anything about it. I should have done as she would likely be qualified now Sad

agent it's just shit. Absolutely shit and mentally draining beyond belief

BalloonSlayer · 08/10/2017 22:15

I had three early miscarriages - one was a "missed" one and had to be removed surgically, but the other two I lost at about 6½ weeks. There was NO way I could have mistaken either for a heavy period. And I have heavy periods. I think a miscarriage is quite distinctive. I was astonished about how much came away at such an early stage Sad

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 09/10/2017 10:26

I've almost certainly had one and I'm 27. I think it's more prevalent than we realise but often unrecognised and unreported. None of my good same-age friends (no babies and not ttc) have reported one- but they don't know about my experience either, although we've all had late period scares. In my wider group of friends with a bigger age range one person in mid 30s has miscarried later with a wanted 3rd baby and my mid 20s friend with 2 DC says she has not had any.

With the one I was sure about, it was an accident and I didn't get didn't get my normal pre-period signs at all but got a host of other symptoms. I felt crazy but mumsnet and nhs assured me I could well be pregnant. I didn't get a positive from POAS but my period was late, clotty and different. A few side effects of it also checked out as early miscarriage symptoms.

It was pointless to test early but I would have had to arrange a termination and it was also very early Dec. I work in retail and I'm not technically allowed leave in Dec. How far along I was could have really affected how I dealt with getting time off and what I said and who would know. I had to try and know ASAP.

I was relieved and grateful that my body sorted it out, but I can see how it would devastate someone desperate for a baby. I still got upset when I was bleeding; it was horrible to see and still felt like my body had failed in some way.

Sorry for the late to the party vent but I have not told anyone IRL and this has been a good release.

AliTheMinx · 09/10/2017 17:19

I had one miscarriage at 6 weeks and one at nearly 11 weeks. Both very much wanted. Both utterly heartbreaking. I am very lucky to now have a darling DS, but I still often think about my other babies. I like to think of my DS as 3 babies in one perfect one. I was very vocal about my miscarriages and talked openly about my grief. Many people opened up to me who hadn't previously spoken of their own losses, and it was awful to realise how commonplace miscarriages are. I have 2 friends who have both suffered 7 miscarriages each. Just devastating. I felt there wasn't enough support when I suffered my losses, and even less so for my poor DH, who was practically forgotten, even though he was deeply affected too.

heateallthebuns · 09/10/2017 17:25

I never have. Lots of my friends have though. But I'd estimate a less than a third, so not really most.

girlingerrupting · 09/10/2017 17:27

Gosh I'm super surprised by this it is not representative of me or my friends.

mojojojo838 · 09/10/2017 17:30

I had a very early miscarriage, so early that if I hadn't been so in tune with my body and tested positive very early (I think I was a day late), I'd have miscarried and never known, as within 24 hours I'd found out I was pregnant and miscarried. I had to go back to the doctor to get my 'pregnant' result after I'd had an internal scan to confirm there was nothing left. So although I can't say that most women have had a miscarriage, I'm certain that there are women out there who have and are unaware of it.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 09/10/2017 17:45

not that I know of but when me and my partner were trying I had 2 late periods and I'm like clock work so maybe they were miscarriages it took 17months for us to get pregnant no confirmed miscarriages though

Alasdair53 · 09/10/2017 17:50

I have had 3 that I know of, and 2 live children. Wouldn't be at all surprised to have had more, as I have a blood clotting disorder, factor V Leiden, which makes miscarriage more likely. Factor V Leiden was only discovered 23 years ago and I don't believe anyone is yet routinely tested for it.

MelvinThePenguin · 09/10/2017 17:55

My local hospital have a '1 in 4' campaign running at the moment. I've known of others use a '1 in 5' figure though.

The separate Early Pregnancy Units (EPU) they are fundraising to build are much needed. I remember sitting in the antenatal unit a year ago (almost to the day) having been sent to check for what my GP had rather insensitively described as remains of conception. I was surrounded by heavily pregnant women.

I was one of the lucky ones. I had a subchorionic haemorrhage and had not miscarried. A very stressful pregnancy did work out happily in the end but I don't know how I would have composed myself if the news had been bad. I saw plenty of women go in and out of that EPU room in various states. Very common unfortunately.

PollyPerky · 09/10/2017 17:58

Most women will never know. I had a late period - about a week to 10 days or so- when first TTC and a heavier period. I conceived about 4 months after that but the whole TTC thing took 8 months. I reckon the later period was a miscarriage.

Golondrina · 09/10/2017 18:01

I'm early forties and have 2 children and have never had a miscarriage, but of all the people I know who have had children or tried to, much more than half of them have had a miscarriage. And those are the ones I know about, others may have had and not told anyone. I don't know about "most" women, but it's very common.

Offred2 · 09/10/2017 18:01

I think it must be getting on for 50% of women. The stats I’ve heard is that 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. So if you have one pregnancy your chance of miscarrying is 20%. Add in a second pregnancy and the chance you’ve had one is 40%. A third pregnancy and the chance is 60%. Though the likelihood remains 1 in 5 each time.

I’ve probably expressed that badly, but a 1 in 5 chance each time quickly mounts up!

Gottagetmoving · 09/10/2017 18:01

I've never had one. I never had a late period apart from the twice I was pregnant and they went full term. My periods were always regular almost to the day.

TheFirstMrsDV · 09/10/2017 18:02

I had an early one at 6-8 weeks.
No way I wouldn't have known.
It was very painful with lots of bodily symptoms.
I do think early testing is causing anguish to women who may well not have noticed a loss at 4 weeks.

Its so hard not to test now you can. It must take incredible will power.

Wholovesorangesoda · 09/10/2017 18:05

I've never had one that I am aware of, I'm early 30s. I don't know anyone close who has had one

reetgood · 09/10/2017 18:05

I don't know if my friends have, or even if my Mum has. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and suspect that people wouldn't have had that conversation with me once they knew I was pregnant, and it's not something I've really discussed with friends. I do know two people who have lost a child shortly after birth, which feels slightly statistically disproportionate.

Personally I have probably experienced a miscarriage, but if it was it was extremely early. At the time I thought it was a late period, but thinking back it seems quite possible to have been very very early miscarriage. We were very casually trying (eg had stopped using contraception). I didn't think I was pregnant, so never related to the circumstance in that way.

Lovingit81 · 09/10/2017 18:06

I haven't had one. I don't think most have, I just think it's more common than people used to think and people talk about it more nowadays.