To think most women have had a miscarriage at some point?

[brasty]

I get the impression from talking to friends, that most women have had a miscarriage at some point, although most are very early on. Is my impression correct do you think?

It probably is,though i haven't.
Neither have two of my friends.

I had 3 MCs between DS1 and DS2. 2 at around 7w, one around 9w.
All gave strong positive tests (after 1st missed period).
The first MC, I didn't have an early scan until I actually MC'd - they found nothing because I passed it before I got to my ultrasound. My hCG level was indicative that I had been pg, but it was too low for the stage I should have been.
The 2nd one - an empty sac. MC'd shortly after the scan. This was the 9w one.
The 3rd one - I actually started to MC during the early scan (I was told to get the scans done as soon as I had a +ve test, because of my age and a blood clotting condition) - the ultrasound girl was very upset but I reassured her that it wasn't in any way anything to do with her.

And then DS2.

I only know two women who have had miscarriages, so amongst my social circle I certainly wouldn't say most women have had one. But it may well be something that others have kept to themselves - I tend not to discuss very personal things or health issues with others.

I've had irregular cycles most of my life so I may well have had an early miscarriage without knowing it, but not one that would have caused me any physical pain as I would have noticed that. But I've always doubled up on contraception and used the most reliable methods when not ttc, so it's unlikely. When ttc I've avoided early testing and preferred to wait a week or so and my period has usually come by then. I think obsessing about it doesn't help and doesn't change the situation so it's pointless.

Interesting play. I've only had unprotected sex a few times in my life when trying to get pregnant and every one has resulted in a pregnancy straight away. I've never had a miscarriage as far as I'm aware, my period is regular as clockwork and never late. Judging from female friends and family it seems like I'm in a minority however and I think it is very common.

I found out with 2 lines at 4 weeks on the Tuesday and started bleeding on the Saturday. If I’d not tested I’d have never known. It was hugely upsetting because in those 4 days I’d got my head round it and was very excited, as was DH. It took me about a year to get over and I couldn’t contemplate TTCing in that time in case the same thing happened.

I wish I’d not tested looking back.

The rates of miscarriage are very high, but not much comfort if you are desperate to have a baby. I do agree early testing isn't always good for anxiety levels.

I would also add only if you have miscarriaged at a very early stage, or had a blighted ovum would you mistake it for a late period and/or unusually heavy period. If you are miscarrying at 12 weeks for example there is no mistaking it isn't a period. Sadly speaking from extensive experience.

I received fantastic care when I had a managed miscarriage. The kindness of the staff was so important to me. However we found out the baby had died at my 3 month scan and I just think there must be a way to manage that part better. Having to walk through a waiting room of pregnant women whilst I sobbed just can't have been helpful to either myself or those women.

I think the thing is, you often only find out about other women you know having miscarriages if you have experienced it yourself. For example when I had my first one, I told my boss as I needed time off work and was very down. She then confided in me about her fertility struggles and miscarriages.
I'm quite and open person and have talked to my friends about my losses, but some people are very private and only open up if you confide in them first.
So I had never heard of anyone miscarrying before I had my first, but now know of loads.

I've never had a miscarriage, and I don't know any of my peers who have either, but I am in my twenties and most of the people I know are not in long term relationships and ttc is a long way in the future, if they want children at all. But I do know a lot of people who have had multiple abortions, it's just more likely at my stage of life than wanting to have a baby, so I suppose pregnancies that might have ended in miscarriage never get to that stage so statistics will be skewed for under 30s.

having re read my post i would like to make it clear that the point i was making was about the availibilty of increasingly early testing and internet forums and the impact that has had. i do not for one second think that miscarrying at 6 weeks or 8 weeks or whatever is like a late period. I would know. and i am blessed to have my children. but having had them before the internet and early testing and after i do think its a valid point of view.

People who test early are not “dicks”. Often they are women who are desperate for a baby and can’t help it.

I have two friends who I know miscarried - one because she was outed at work as being pregnant and sadly lost the baby; and one who lost her baby as a result of DV.

Others I can't say - I know many more women with babies than without (I'm 35) but I don't think people talk about it.

I know I was expecting it when TTC but I've never had a miscarriage.

I'm one of 3 sisters and we've all had at least one MC. I know more women who have than haven't.

Anecdotally, I'd say most of my friends haven't had miscarriages, actually.

I've had two early miscarriages. I have one friend who had an early miscarriage between having her second and third children, and one who has had multiple miscarriages.

Its probably fairly common, yes, but I don't know if its true 'most' have had one.

I'd say maybe as high as 40% out of the women I know, at a range of ages between 20 and late 40's. No matter what, it's something that people need to be able to talk about more openly.

I have to say, I agree with the PP who says that you often don't hear about it until you have one yourself - people will suddenly come out of the woodwork, as it were, and tell you about theirs, when you had no idea previously. This happened to me with several friends - they only told me after I had my first MC.

I have 5dc. I've never had a miscarriage.

I have 4 sisters. They've never had one.

My mum never had one.

I don't like the idea that anyone would compare losses. A loss at 5 weeks could be just as devastating as a loss at 20 weeks depending on the person and circumstances. I can't stand the phrase 'a ball of cells'. A pregnancy is so much more than that. It can be hopes and dreams or fear and desperation in the case of an unwanted one. It's never right that anyone minimises the feelings attached to 'a ball of cells.' It is so personal. All the biggest things in life are experienced by most people. Birth, loss, death. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with when it happens to you.

Out of my friends and family I would say it is about 1 in 6. I've had 4.

A lot of people are saying very confidently that their friends and family members have never miscarried. I wonder how they know!

As a manager, I am aware of quite a lot of women who miscarry but choose not to tell their friends and family - I only know because they have needed some time off work. The most recent one that I know about didn't even tell her mum, and apart from her DH, I was the only person she discussed it with.

I tend to be very open about my miscarriage as it helped me when it happened to know that it was very common. However, lots of women regard it as a private matter that they wouldn't even discuss with friends and close family.

PlayOnWurtz how do you think this idea of a fertility spectrum was developed without these "dicks" who tested early and knew they were pregnant? Knowledge is what helps us evolve, solve problems, give appropriate treatment. I don't think from the rest of your post you meant to use that word so cruelly, but it certainly stung.

I had difficulties conceiving DS but then went on to have 6 mc so perhaps my fertility was awakened in some way. I certainly wasn't hyperfertile before though.

tickle I totally agree with you on the term chemical pregnancy - I think a lot of people think it means there was no real pregnancy there.

I know 6 of my closest friends have had miscarriages, I assume that 3 haven't and I'm pretty sure one hasn't because I don't think she's ever had sex.

I only know 2 people who've mentioned having miscarriages. The second one lost one of twins in her first pregnancy, and successfully carried the other to full term. Her second miscarriage was traumatic, it followed an amnio that for some reason wasn't done until she was 20 weeks.

I know 2 people who've had ectopics, which are supposedly quite rare.

It is actually not advised to simply manage an early miscarriage at home without any medical attention at all. It's important that the bleeding is identified as a straightforward miscarriage rather than an ectopic pregnancy which can be life threatening. It's important to make sure that everything has come away and that the woman is not at risk of infection. And there is a rare chance which needs checking for that a woman has miscarried one embryo from a multiple pregnancy, and one or more survive.

It's not stupid to test early unless you think that all women who are ttc or of childbearing age should forever avoid alcohol or anything which might be dangerous in pregnancy. It's useful to know if you're pregnant so that you can be aware and careful. Realistically a pregnancy test only works a couple of days before a missed period anyway.

Plus as others have said for women who are having issues conceiving it helps to build a fuller medical picture if she knows whether she simply can't get pregnant or whether she does but then can't sustain the pregnancy for some reason.

I would guess that people being dismissive, patronising and sniffy about early miscarriages have not had any of these issues. And I say this as someone who has not found the miscarriages the difficult part of the experience. I do have sympathy for those who do. But seriously how rude to dismiss the experiences of people that you know nothing about.

I think that's very true broken. Since being on this thread I have tried to remember if I told my closest friend about my mc. It was 9 years ago and I don't think I did. However I talked about it with another friend after she told me about her loss. I think it's highly likely we all have friends who have had mc but we just arent aware of it.

PlayOn - your science is also wrong.

Most couples ttc sperm will fertilise egg around 60-80% of cycles. We don't know exactly how many but 75% at IVF is about right. Then in around 3/4 of cases, due to normal genetic mutations or normal variation in egg and or sperm quality, this fertilised egg doesn't implant and comes out with the period, this is normal healthy reproduction, no specific problems, it's why it takes most people an average if 3-4 months to conceive (1-8 typical range). And no 'early testing' is going to detect this because it's not enough to trigger hcg production.

Yes there's a theory about hyperfertility (though it's in its infancy and the evidence is pretty shaky so far) that some women will accept or implant every single one of these fertilised eggs even when there is a problem which causes that egg to be unviable, the pregnancy will attempt to progress, find some vital piece of information is missing or scrambled and abort - resulting in miscarriage. Butthe only reason you can find these pregnancies by testing is because they implant for longer than a normal abandoned fertilised egg ever would. It's simply not true that early testing causes women to find out about egv fertilisation which never would have resulted in pregnancy in the first place.