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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women have had a miscarriage at some point?

275 replies

brasty · 08/10/2017 00:18

I get the impression from talking to friends, that most women have had a miscarriage at some point, although most are very early on. Is my impression correct do you think?

OP posts:
Stinkbomb · 08/10/2017 01:12

Most of the women I know have suffered miscarriage or stillbirth, in fact, I would say 80% have suffered losses unfortunately

birdsdestiny · 08/10/2017 01:13

I have had one. I am aware that one of my close friends has too. I think you probably need to be quite close to discuss it.

Original poster
brasty · 08/10/2017 01:13

I am sure I had a miscarriage. But it was in the past,too early for pregnancy testing. You used to have to go to your GP surgery to get your pregnancy tested.

OP posts:
LearnAsIgo · 08/10/2017 01:16

Yes, I think you're right sadly

ticketytock1 · 08/10/2017 01:17

Sadly yes.
I'm recovering from an ectopic and have been very open about it... the more people I talk to the more i see how common it is.
It seems people just don't talk about it. And when I tell people why I was off work they look to the ground and either quickly change the subject run away. Like wtf I don't have leprosy!

Original poster
brasty · 08/10/2017 01:18

They may be changing the subject because it is an upsetting one for them because they have had a miscarriage.

OP posts:
Stinkbomb · 08/10/2017 01:19

And by that, I mean miscarriages between weeks 8 - 23, not including chemical pregnancies (of which a few friends have had because of early testing).

LisaSimpsonsbff · 08/10/2017 01:25

And by that, I mean miscarriages between weeks 8 - 23, not including chemical pregnancies (of which a few friends have had because of early testing).

A miscarriage at 6 or 7 weeks isn't a 'chemical pregnancy' by any definition. My doctor said they only use the term when you get a positive test but start bleeding at the time of an expected period; I have also seen definitions online that go up to six weeks, but never beyond that.

RonaldMcDonald · 08/10/2017 01:26

All but one close friend I have has had a mc. I had 3 .
I wish we spoke more freely about it

Intomyarms · 08/10/2017 01:27

The one at seven weeks (even though embryo had actually stopped developing at five) I had cramps so bad I couldn't stand and passed a lump/clot/something the size of a golf ball.

This is what I found so upsetting when I had one. I found it heartbreaking to flush.

brittabot · 08/10/2017 01:29

Not in my experience. In my 30s I had two miscarriages and I was the only one among my friends. I had an issue with my womb which was luckily resolved.

I thought the statistics are that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage?

BillyJoel · 08/10/2017 01:32

Two miscarriages, both early, out of five pregnancies.

Garlicansapphire · 08/10/2017 01:33

2 out of 4 pregnancies were miscarriages for me - one, my first pregnancy was at 19 weeks. But without it i wouldn't now have my dear DD.

Out of my friends I'd say 6 out of 10 had miscarriages - 3 would have had multiple ones.

Runningpear · 08/10/2017 01:42

Sadly yes. I've had 2 with my first 2 prgsnancies, one very early and one at 11 weeks. Also lucky to have got 2 dc now. My first DS threatening miscarriage all the way to 18 weeks then bleeding again at 35 weeks.

Spartak · 08/10/2017 01:43

My only pregnancy ended in miscarriage when I was 18. It was a relief at the time. I'm 40 now and that's it as far as children go. I wish things had been different.

eeanne · 08/10/2017 01:48

I've never had one and I'm in my 30s, two pregnancies. Some women have more than one so the stats are about pregnancies not individuals. Everyone in my family who had had miscarriages had more than one.

BelleandBeast · 08/10/2017 01:49

I recall in my youth, very late heavy periods, with thick liver type flow. I now conclude, after having a diagnosed miscarriage in 30s, and wanting a child, they too were miscarriages. I had taken a prompt test when wanting to be pregnant. I hadn't done so when I didn't want to be.

BulletFox · 08/10/2017 01:58

Yes at 6 months. It wasn't meant to be and I'll never try to have ano2

SprinklesandIcecream · 08/10/2017 01:59

Except a single person, all women who I know of who've had more than one child have suffered miscarriages. Only, I found out after I went through my own. And most of them are in the 20-30 year old bracket.

When I went through my own miscarriage I was angry at the fact that so many women are made to feel like they can't share their experience. You end up feeling so alone and as though you can't tell anyone about it. It made an awful experience even worse compounded by the doctor's saying that a miscarriage at 13 weeks would be like a slightly heavier period. It really wasn't and I wish women got more sympathy and would be encouraged to speak up and seek help about their experiences.

BulletFox · 08/10/2017 01:59

Another, even

OvO · 08/10/2017 02:05

I had no idea how many women I knew had miscarried until after I'd suffered a loss.

I lost my DS2 at 36 weeks (so not a miscarriage) but also lost a baby at 14 weeks.

Its still a difficult subject to talk about. Even after decades the pain can catch you off guard so I think people often don't talk about it as they don't know if they can do it without being emotional but also because they don't want to open that wound for others.

I'm definitely on the side of talking about it but understand why people dont. I wonder if those saying they don't know anyone who's had a m/c have a friend or two keeping that to themselves?

missperegrinespeculiar · 08/10/2017 02:14

yes, unfortunately.

I had two. One was a missed miscarriage discovered at the 12 week scan, I would have known I was miscarrying in that case, but my second was earlier, around 10 weeks, I only knew because of a chance gynaecological check up with a scan I had scheduled, I miscarried, but had I not known (which I wouldn't have except for the random check!) I would have taken it for an unusually heavy period.

It must happen a lot!

DiegoMadonna · 08/10/2017 02:18

Miscarriages are for more common than many people realise (although almost everybody TTC and getting pregnant is told that these days, and given the figures quoted above), but I wouldn't say most women have had one; I think it's still less than 50%.

manicinsomniac · 08/10/2017 02:20

I wouldn't have thought it's 'most' but I don't know. For some reason I have 50% floating round in my head but I don't know where I've got that from (probably a past thread on here!)

I know a few women personally but there are probably more who just don't talk about it/it's never come up/they don't even know themselves.

UterusUterusGhali · 08/10/2017 02:26

I think early testing causes a lot of heartbreak.
I've spoken to women who are calling the local labour ward saying they're pg and bleeding at one week. That's a period!
Sadly once you get that BFP you've started planning the nursery and thinking of names. :(
I'm pretty pragmatic about it tbh and work in a maternity ward so we talk about it often and freely. We've almost all had m/c and it's kinda part of being a child-bearing woman it seems.
I do feel for those one-week-pregnant women tho.