To think most women have had a miscarriage at some point?

[brasty]

I get the impression from talking to friends, that most women have had a miscarriage at some point, although most are very early on. Is my impression correct do you think?

[Pinkvoid]

My nah had a stillbirth in the sixties but other than her, I'm the only person I know of to have lost a baby. Having said that, the consultant assured me it's incredibly common. Many miscarriages happen very early on when before HPT's, women wouldn't have known they were pregnant and assumed it was a heavy period.

Despite it apparently being so common, I felt incredibly alone when I miscarried earlier this year and I received no emotional support whatsoever despite literally pleading for it at one stage- just didn't exist .

[juneau]

Yes, I remember being quoted that 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage and that sounds about right to me. I've been pregnant three times and had one miscarriage. Most of my friends have had at least one, my mum had two before she had me. It's certainly very, very common and if you try for 2 or 3 DC I would say you're very likely to have at least one.

[Lamaitresse]

Personally I always know when I'm pregnant as I start feeling sick before reaching the time af would be due. I've been pregnant 13 times, and have two children. Some of my miscarriages have been up to 12/13 weeks, some earlier. We also lost a little boy at 16 weeks.
Most of my closest friends haven't had a miscarriage, in fact only two out of ten. But, I now know lots of others who have had miscarriages, it only comes out if/when I mention my losses.
If you average up the number of miscarriages with the number of women then I'm sure it'd imply most women have had at least one. However, in my circle of friends that isn't true. Unfortunately some women, like me, have many miscarriages, and some achieve their families with much less heartache. Those are the women that used to give me hope 💕

[Oblomov17]

I don’t know anyone : within my close circle of friends, or within my acquaintances with whom such discussions have been had, quite openly about how quickly you conceived your children etc/ how much each dc weighed, that hasnt had a miscarriage.

[Oblomov17]

I probably know about 40+ women who have had one. Seriously trying to remember if I know even 1 person, who hasn’t!

[RandomMess]

Amongst my wider circles I can count fewer than 5 who HAVEN'T had either a miscarriage, stillbirth or neo death or needed fertility treatment.

The chances of conceiving and carry a "healthy" child to term and be living at 3 months old without any conception assistance I think is actually low

2 mum's who I knew through the same toddler group lost babies to brain tumours, I know 4 women who have had stillbirths, several who needed IVF and nearly all the others had at least one miscarriage.

I wish the media would represent true life that getting pregnant and staying pregnant is actually not easy.

[Uptheduffy]

i know only a couple of people - three maybe? - in RL who have had one. I think I may have had theirs for them.

[houghtonk76]

Think tech (apps, fertility checkers & pregnancy tests) & support is more readily available now. If its 2 in 10 35-39 age range then those 2 are me & my middle sis (she mc first at 5 weeks in Sept 2013 age 36 & i mc first at 7 weeks in Jan 2014 age 38). She now has boy 3 next month & 8 month old girl & i have boy 2.5 on weekend. The mc association indicated it was 1 in 4 first pregnancies when i was going thru it 3.5 years ago, so i think NHS 2 in 10 figure might be a generous estimate based on those reported to the NHS. When i finally told friends bout 6 weeks after, everyone had or knew someone who had. Mine was missed mc & lasted like 2.5 weeks - we had told our families as found out preggers on 23rd Dec.

[mumto2two]

Have had 2 early (6/7 week) miscarriages, one at 11 weeks, one where the baby had simply stopped growing at about 10 weeks and was not detected until a 13 wk scan, and my last miscarriage was a very harrowing late miscarriage, where I also nearly did not survive. Early miscarriages are very common yes, and did not compare in any way, with my late miscarriage. That took a lot of getting over, and I'm not sure you ever really do.

[susurration]

After I had a miscarriage last year other women I know came to me and said they had been through the same thing, including my Mum and MiL, some colleagues and two or three friends.

Someone much earlier on in the thread equated a miscarriage to a clotty period and it's not as bad as a stillbirth or late miscarriage. Whilst I agree that for many women it isn't as bad as the god awful situation of actually losing a child or having a stillbirth, for some it can be very traumatic.

I was extremely upset after my miscarriage at 7 weeks, not just because of the situation itself but also because I was mildly traumatised by it too. We tried to for two and a half years and were about to start fertility treatment when I got pregnant and then to lose that much wanted pregnancy was extremely upsetting. I've never felt physical pain like it either when having just a period. The journey to hospital was awful because I couldn't sit still, the wait to be seen felt bloody endless when I was in such bad pain and I had to have an internal scan whilst I was miscarrying and the pain made me want to climb the walls. It also wasn't just a slightly heavier or "clotty" (horrible word by the way) period, it was so heavy I was soaking through several pads a day and continued to bleed for 11 days afterwards. On top of all of that I got a really snotty attitude from the harridan at the front desk of the hospital who told me it wouldn't be worth waiting because the ward was so busy, whilst I was crouched on the floor by the desk crying with the pain.

We haven't TTC since because the thought of dealing with it again makes me feel very anxious.

[Uptheduffy]

And just to say I have had a scan at 6 weeks exactly and we saw a heart beating away. There isn’t “nothing” there till the magical 12 week scan.

[limecordial]

A large proportion of my friends have had at least one. Some more. I had one, I had an early scan at 8 or 9 weeks and discovered there was no heartbeat, even though you could clearly see the foetus. No bleeding at all. Had to have a D&C. Found the whole experience physically and mentally painful but was helped through it by DP and by friends who had been through the same thing. I've since (according to them) been able to help other friends going through it to

[limecordial]

*too

[camperlass]

I had three miscarriages in quick succession. Thought I wouldn't ever had a child. Split with my partner (strain of having three miscarriages didn't help our relationship), met someone else, went on the pill but got pregnant almost immediately and carried to term. Life works in very strange ways sometimes. Both I and my partner had had tests after the third miscarriage but nothing was found - I was late thirties though so age may have been a factor for me. I know quite a few women who have had at least one miscarriage, if not more.

[Lozzamas]

I had one - very early on, it would have been my first pregnancy I since had 2 DC - talking to friends most have experienced an early miscarriage usually before they had their DC's like me - it's almost as if you have one or two practice runs before you get pregnant. In any case in my circle it's been very common and amongst my friends I would agree most women have had at least one mc, usually within the first 6 weeks or so, some have had several. Fortunately, later miscarriages are not as common amongst my friends.

[Goldiloz]

When I was pregnant and bleeding at the hospital there was a sign that said 1 in 3 end in miscarriage. Luckily mine didn't but it was a bit of a depressing poster.

[Dollymouse]

I had several and in fact never had a child (although have lovely skids). For me it was pretty devastating - especially the last one. We'd told the kids and everything.

When I was pregnant I felt my body changing - tingling breasts and thickening around the tummy and when it's still earlyish days - Milne knows and it's a little secret joy. And of course - it's a baby, a life changer, a future of possibilities - even a chosen name. I remember just before I officially miscarried I sat in the bath one night and I suddenly knew - that the pregnancy had stopped and I felt like such a failure and so broken. It was a few years ago now but I still have a shoe box in my cupboard with a tiny cardigan we hadn't been able to resist. I have never managed to throw it away.

[WhoAteMyBiscuit]

I am 31 and have never (to my knowledge) had a miscarriage but then I have never actively attempted to conceive. The latest period I ever had was earlier this year and I was 10 days late but did two home pregnancy tests and they were both negative. Three close friends have had miscarriages (including one ectopic pregnancy) and we are the same age.

[SpiritedFlame]

I have had 7 miscarriages, so for me they have been very common - although I know my experience of having that many isn't the 'norm'.

I definitely think you are right, they are common.
I had 4 at 5 weeks, so perhaps many years ago it would have been seen as just a heavy period.
However the other 3 were at the 8-9 week mark.

Incredibly difficult.

[WoofWoofMooWoof]

I was told during my pregnancy - had to have a scan at 8 weeks because of bad cramping - that the reason they don't generally do scans before 12 weeks is because quite often the fetus gets absorbed back into the body, only after 12 weeks can it be considered a 'sure thing'. In the case of twins, it's termed vanishing twin syndrome. Apparently as high as 80% of pregnancies start out with twins, but one gets reabsorbed. In my case I then had a very tense wait 'till my 12 week scan to see if I still had twins in there.

[coco2303]

1 in 4 women suffer pregnancy loss this includes early and later stages.
And i only know this as i am unlucky enough to be in that club.
3 misscarriages and a beautiful stillborn daughter xx

[Abbylee]

I suffered 2 miscarriages. Twins at end of first trimester then a second 6 months later. I was devastated at the second as well.

Please understand that grief and pain are personal and one should not judge "how bad it is" unless it's your body/baby.

As said earlier, "it's not a competition," that attitude about feelings, death and grief show a lack of empathy that is cruel and sometimes unforgettable.

[TwoDogs9]

I've had four miscarriages but only two are in my NHS notes as the other two were very early. My Mum had one miscarriage out of four pregnancies and my sister one out of three pregnancies. I think they are more common than people think it's just that a lot of people don't talk about them, for example I've not told many people in RL about mine.

[fluffiny31]

Not all miscarriages are reported because a lot of doctors don't care. I've had 2 one was a mmc baby was slow growing alive at 11 weeks measured behind died by 12 weeks my other was 5 weeks. I know a lot of people that hace had miscarriages and not all early at least 3 were second trimester. And it's amazing how many people don't talk about it. I love my angel babies and i will tell anyone i have 3 babies

[Thatsnotapotato]

Everyone I know that has had a baby has had one. We only all spoke honestly about it after our babies were born (this includes friends, family, colleagues....). Sadly, many of our friends who have yet to have babies have also miscarried. When I had my second miscarriage my consultant told me 60% of conceptions fail. I personally found it massively helpful and reassuring to know that miscarriage is actually very ‘normal’- I know not everyone would feel this way, but I guess as a society we need to understand this is the case, rather than treat it as taboo. So no, YANBU.