To think most women have had a miscarriage at some point?

[brasty]

I get the impression from talking to friends, that most women have had a miscarriage at some point, although most are very early on. Is my impression correct do you think?

[TickleMcTickleFace]

I've trotted this out a few times but a "chemical pregnancy" is one where you have a positive pregnancy test but a miscarriage occurs before anything could be seen via a scan. It is still a miscarriage and I hate the bloody phrase and the blasé way it is referred to. I had my miscarriage at 6 weeks - I had known for 2 ish weeks I was pregnant and had I not tested early I would still have known at this point as my cycle is always on time and the actual miscarriage was not like a normal period. Sorry rant over. I would say about 30% of women I know have had a miscarriage, me included.

[BananaShit]

Well it depends how you define miscarriage. If you're talking about losses so early that the woman wouldn't notice, that obviously widens the scope, but equally there'd be no way of knowing. I find it's tricky to define what is and isn't, because for some women a faint positive a few days before their period is due followed by a bleed is a baby they've lost, for others they don't see it that way at all. Neither of them are wrong.

It's also worth pointing out that some women have many more than their 'fair share'. Some women have conditions meaning they have lots of miscarriages, so even if there's a miscarriage rate of eg 50%, the flipside to this is that for each one of these women there'll be a couple more who've not had one. If they all know the same number of people, you're more likely to know one of the ones who hasn't had one than the person who's had several. Iyswim.

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

It seems sad, but the human race still seems to be thriving so I guess nature has its ways.

Wtf? So if I can't have children, no biggie because - great news! - lots of other women have them really easily! What comforting information! Looked at this way cancer also 'seems sad' but then there are plenty of spare people, right?

[RedBlackberries]

I don't think I've had one before but my periods are so heavy and random that I can't be sure.

It's sad that we're still encouraged not to announce pregnancy too soon incase you miscarry. Like there's shame attached to it.

[HotelEuphoria]

I probably know well (enough to talk about a miscarriage) about 15 women, only 2 have had them.

[Needadvicetoleave]

Out of my friends with children most have had one, about 3/4 of them, including myself. Of those I don't think have, I don't actually know that they haven't.

[Agentcoulson]

I can't help feeling that the whole 'back in the day you wouldn't have known you were pregnant' thing is sometimes used as a stick to beat women with for their grief over early mc/to minimise the experience.

Yes, I saw this thread last night and worried that would happen.

My mum dismissed my miscarriages at 8&9 weeks because pregnancy only counted at the 12 week stage in her day.

I had the expectation of it being like a heavy period and was very upset by the reality first time which was for me, like some others have described, very obviously pregnancy loss.

Like others have pointed out, there is no need for a hierarchy of grief with pregnancy loss. Each experience is different and individual.

I think if I'd felt allowed to register grief when I miscarried it would have been far healthier. Instead I ended up very anxious throughout my next pregnancy with DC2 and that anxiety is still around.

I don't really understand the thinking early testing is unhelpful. Are we meant to pretend that advances which allow for early tests haven't happened? Surely women who are TTC and have late heavy "periods" know they were pregnant? Or are they going to know but have to pretend to themselves they didn't? And therefore try to deny any disappointment, sadness or grief they might feel.

And that's without the fact that testing and knowing what's going on can be very useful medical information in some cases.

[TakeAnadin]

Yes, two and an ectopic ... errgh

[fairyofallthings]

Yes, 6 miscarriages at 8/9 weeks and 2 successful pregnancies. I do think that early testing is a bad idea as in the past people wouldn't have known.

[thecatsabsentcojones]

I had a miscarriage at twelve weeks. It was horribly painful and scary, I don't think the NHS were particularly good at dealing with it. I didn't realise what the process would be in terms of how much pain and how long it would take. I sadly had to terminate my first pregnancy at twenty six weeks because my baby had severe problems which made her incompatible with life. That's got to have been the most traumatic thing I've ever been through but the care I had was really amazing.
I'm open about speaking about both pregnancies ending and have found there are so many other women who have lost multiple pregnancies but they keep it quiet. Why there is such a taboo with speaking about pregnancies ending is beyond me. It's a shame because it's an isolating experience at the time unless you know someone else has suffered similarly. It needs to be talked about and referred to a lot more to support the very many women who will be going through it.

[McTufty]

I only know of 4 women who have had one (3 of whom I know well), and I know loads of women. I am pretty sure this is partly because lots of people have but haven’t mentioned it, but I also know around 10 well enough to know if they have or haven’t and 7 of them haven’t.

I haven’t but I’m only on my first pregnancy.

I also don’t like the comparative grief. I expect a stillborn child is worse than earlier all other things being equal, but both are valid losses to grieve over. Don’t forget lots of people will suffer an early mc after saving for a round of IVF and putting themselves through that gruelling process - I cannot begin to imagine what it feels like to lose a pregnancy after that, however early. Let’s just all support each other, whatever the circumstances.

[IshouldntcareaboutthisbutIdo]

MsJuniper apologies, no I skimmed through the thread and I didn't read your post properly. One of my problems staying pregnant was to do with blood clotting which was identified at IVF stage.

[McTufty]

Also in terms of people not reporting their loss to the NHS, I doubt the stats were compiled by them counting the total number of pregnancies reported to the NHS and dividing it by the number of losses reported. It will almost certainly be based on specific studies.

[herecomesthsun]

from this link

"According to previous scientific reports, anywhere from 31 per cent to 89 per cent of all conceptions result in miscarriage. Most studies begin when women notice they are pregnant, about six weeks after conception.
Most miscarriages, however, are known to happen during the first three weeks of pregnancy."

This fits with my reading on the subject (medical training and I had several miscarriages before having my kids.)

[IshouldntcareaboutthisbutIdo]

Tickle I agree with you. It's a horrible phrase. It is incredibly sad reading this - realising just how many women (and their partners) experience miscarriage and most do not discuss.

[MySecretThread]

I definitely had one misscarrage and I think I may have had two. The first one I was 3 months pregnant but as my Mum had misscarried her first pregnancy I was being cautious about getting too excited. I hadn't told work I was pregnant but I let them know I had miscarried. When I went back into work more than half of the lovely women there came to check I was ok and to let me know that they had all had miscarriages. It made it feel more normal and natural IYSWIM. -

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

I agree but people don't talk about it and so you often don't find out about others until you've miscarried yourself. I had two miscarriages later in the first trimester and an early one that I probably wouldn't have known about if I hadn't been trying to conceive.

One thing that would help awareness would be if pregnancy books had an early chapter about the risks and process of miscarriage instead of relegating it to a footnote on page 140. I found it very hard to access information when I needed it.

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

Oh, and the idea that miscarriage = your period starts and you feel a bit sad. My first one (13 weeks) was excruciatingly painful and bloody and required an ambulance and medical management.

[Goshthatwentwell]

I think most have out of those that have unprotected sex. I don't know anyone that has never had unprotected sex either ( obviously not long term).
How would you ever know about the early miscarriages though? If you haven't done a test it's supposition. However since so many pregnancies do statistically end in the first few weeks I'sd say it was a safe bet most of us have had one.

[AccrualIntentions]

Of my friends (who are generally quite open about this stuff) 3 of the 6 who have children/TTC/not on hormonal contraception have had miscarriages. 2 of them have had 3 or more. Anecdotally there seemed to be a correlation between those who are very fertile - i.e. get pregnant very easily - and early mc.

[AlpacaLypse]

I had two in my twenties, in the days when pregnancy tests were not available over the counter (or if they were they were too expensive for a very junior postgraduate). With both I had only just worked out what had happened by doing some counting back on the calendar, and had got as far as contacting BPAS for a termination as the relationship was casual and motherhood was not a good idea at this time, but nature took its course before the appointment came through. Since my GP wasn't involved I doubt these would be in the statistics. With both there was a vague sadness but also a sense of relief that I didn't have to do something about it after all, and most of all a determination to be less lacksadiasical about contraception (obviously I was still a bit lacksadaisical otherwise the second wouldn't have happened...)

I had a third in my late thirties when my twins were four. This one was recorded, I had got onto the system and was booked for a twelve week scan. I lost her/him at 11 weeks and was very upset.

It was the expected date of delivery that triggered it really when I think about this. I hadn't had one the first two times, but knowing when the birthday would be likely to be made this baby far more real. It was the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo and I'd been winding DP up by threatening to call the baby Arthur after the Duke of Wellington.

So, four pregnancies and three miscarriages here.

I have talked about all this with my mother and sisters. Ma had nine pregnancies four of which ended in m/c. Sister no. 1 four pregnancies, two ending in m/c. Sister no. 2 one pregnancy, ending in m/c, sister no. 3 five pregnancies, 3 ending in m/c.

All our m/cs were around 10-14 weeks.

When I have talked about this with friends I have always had the impression that this rate of miscarriage was about normal and that was why most women didn't announce they were pregnant until the end of the first three months.

[PlayOnWurtz]

We saw a recurrent miscarriage specialist recently and were told the latest thinking is fertility is a spectrum - you get the average woman taking 6 months to catch and you get the women who take years to catch the latest science is now showing women like me, our wombs catch absolutely everything that is makes. We are known as being hyperfertile. Normally these embryos will be discarded with periods and you'll be none the wiser (Unless you're a dick and do early tests - personally I hate the early tests and think they should be banned) but in women like me everything implants until the body recognises it's not viable and will abort the pregnancy at various stages up until 12 weeks

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

Playonwurtz that's really interesting. I have conceived every time I've had unprotected sex.

[PlayOnWurtz]

So have we. Dh has zero sex drive and we have sec once may be twice a month at most of which he will only ejaculate once. Every time we get lucky and time it to day 12 I catch.

[Agentcoulson]

Unless you're a dick and do early tests - personally I hate the early tests and think they should be banned"

Not the kindest wording but I know miscarriage can be an issue some have strong thoughts on.

I was told to test early after MCs as it would be useful to build a picture of what was happening.

When feeling desperate I tested early (stupidly early) but I wasn't a dick. Or maybe I was. I can see looking back how desperate I felt.

I wouldn't choose to have access to knowledge about what is happening in my body restricted though.