To NOT get WIFI??

[loveitorleaveit]

Me and my DP have a phone each with more than enough data to use when we are at home for internet etc. We have 3 TVs throughout the house with more than enough channels, a DVD player and a PS4 with mass amounts of dvds and games. We have never felt the need to pay an addition cost for sky/virgin/WiFi

My DP has an 11 year old son who comes to ours every other weekend and twice each week on week nights. Since he got his own phone and iPad for his birthday we allow him to connect to our data so he can use them to play on games and access the internet.

I am just about fed up of hearing his comments about us not having WiFi or sky ‘you’re like old people’ ‘it’s just stupid’ ‘I guess I’ll have to waste my mobile data AGAIN’ ‘oh great we have to watch NORMAL tv’ ‘god sake I can’t play online here on PS4’

Really!!?? I’ve told him to doesn’t know how lucky he is! He just roles his eyes at me. My DP doesn’t say anything to his comments, and tells me that’s kids nowadays!

Maybe it is but it still frustrates me!

AIBU???

Why do children of 11 need multiple devices?

It's not the stepson who has multiple devices, it's the OP. All the stepson wants is wifi.

But surely the point is that the dss HAS access to the internet?

My dcs are in secondary, they don't use a computer ever. They use an iPad, which, as the OP said, can be connected to the internet via hotspot rather than The wifi.
They have that and an Xbox that they are not using connected to the internet (cost issue plus the fact that there is no way that they will 'play' with people they don't know).
They communicate with friends via texts (on their phones) and sometimes Instagram. All of which is easily done through an iPad.
They watch endless YouTube videos and some TV programs on youtube/internet/Amazon.

None of them are asking for more gadgets.

I personally wouldn't have no wifi because on a cost pov, I'm sure that it costs more to use data from a mobile.

It's not about being a dinosaurs or being hard and unkind to an 11yo.
Its also about the way that the OP and the father of the 11yo have decided to live their life.
I'm not sure why it's the fault of the OP and not the fault of the father there for example....

I would find it frustrating not having Wi Fi at home.

Lewis - XBox One or XBox 360? Also baffled by suggestion playing online is automatically with people they don't know - most DC play online with their friends.

I don't think the problem is that DSS has no access to internet, but if he has wifi at home, then he probably doesn't have an unlimited data contract, or his phone isn't set up to sort out fast mobile data, meaning that his internet access isn't on a par with their own (theirs is set up for their needs, it works immediately without needing to set anything up) and he presumably has to ask every single time he wants to connect one of his devices to theirs via hotspot, because you can't leave the hotspot switched on all the time. It drains the battery plus is massively insecure if you're out.

I don't think it would necessarily be an issue except it does sound as though he's used to having more immediate, higher quality internet access and so it's a disappointment, especially when he has access to these devices he can't use in the way he's accustomed to being able to use them. To then have a "Please sir can I have some more" kind of scenario when he wants to use internet himself must be a bit of a slap in the face.

This is part of the challenge of dealing with stepfamilies, because it's not as simple as "This is the way it's always been therefore the children expect nothing different" - especially when the children live most of the time somewhere else, it's not that simple. And you can of course have two totally different environments and setups but to give him half but not properly complete it seems especially cruel. Either supply something properly, or not at all.

You're coming across as petty and unwelcoming OP. The kid isn't asking for his own pony and a gold-plated bathroom. He's asking for something cheap and ubiquitous. Choose your battles.

All of the devices (apart from our mobiles) have been brought for the boys! People making assumptions that’s why I’m reacting the way I am.

To say I’m a terrible step mother over this is an awful thing to say!

Why does everyone seem to think I don’t want SS here?? That is a ridiculous assumption and couldn’t be further from the truth!

My attitude is bizarre but your kids wouldn’t be at home if you didn’t have WiFi

I don’t think I’m the one with the problem

Well I'm sorry but you are being Intentionally awkward and mean . You say he has access to internet via iPad but as I said he cannot access homework sites such as matheletics through that. You are forcing him to go to the library where he has no help from an adult if needed. Also you say he has a console, as has been pointed out you need the Internet for them to get updates or they and the games can't be used properly.
What if he wanted to watch some Netflix , after all there is some fantastic shows on there and he can't as it will use all his data which is costing him how much. Why can you not see that you are being incredibly selfish to him. He isn't asking for alot, just a tenner Max a month , a tenner that will save you tons of money on your data as you then won't need it.

You are doing nothing but breeding contempt on his part whether you see it or not , because you clearly don't care to do a tiny thing to make him happy and welcome at yours.

I don't think you are a terrible stepmum, but you seem intent on proving a point of some sort rather than moving with the times.

Many of us have explained the benefits and in many cases necessity of Wi-Fi, but you don't accept it and are determined that your way is THE way, even if it is an expensive and slow way.

Mobile data relies on signal, contract limits and is less secure but OK, carry on.

loveitorleaveit, I personally am not judging your parenting skills abilities here. It is glaringly obvious though that you are completely dismissive of your stepson's opinion on this, and furthermore have been nothing but dismissive and rude about other's view on the whole thing. You asked if it was unreasonable not to have WIFI, most people here say you are. Instead of taking that on board, you've come out with some ridiculous assumptions about 'why kids don't go out these days'.

Couldn't you at least compromise and look into broadband? A bit of research and calculating the cost against current 4G charges and usage? I'm sorry to say but (unless you're very pig headed), I'm sure you'll have to get it sooner rather than later anyway. You already have internet for goodness sake, just a more cumbersome, unsecure and limited version of it.

I don't have broadband or WiFi at home; I simply don't need them. I have plenty of data between my phone and tablet for my requirements. I do, however, have Sky Television - there's still bugger all worth watching apart from old Family Guy and Simpsons episodes.

*My attitude is bizarre but your kids wouldn’t be at home if you didn’t have WiFi hmm

I don’t think I’m the one with the problem*

Eh?

So, again, what did you hope to get from this thread, OP?

No wifi at home?

It's 2017. YABU.

He is 11, staying at his ‘other parents’ house with his partner who he is just expected to like and is away from his friends with limited contact to his friends. I don’t think think this means you should cave to his demands but I do think it means you should almost expect the comments

No no you don’t have a problem 😂😂🤣🤣

So, again, what did you hope to get from this thread, OP?

Well, quite. You must know that not having WiFi in this day and age is very unusual, and that most people see it as part of normal household bills. I think you have also been very rude fwiw, asking the question and then all but accusing people who have wifi for allowing their kids to sit glued to devices all day whilst yours go out and about.

The nub is this. You may not think WiFi is an essential, but most people, including your SS, do not agree. I am afraid I really don’t get the objection to WiFi, other than some sort of pigheadedness that it’s not “essential”.

Do people in your work/your friends etc not think it’s weird that you don’t have the internet at home? This post isn’t surely the first time you’ve had an idea that people might find it a bit unusual in this day and age?

You could so easily sort something out to make your SS happy. Why wouldn't you do that for him?

All of the devices (apart from our mobiles) have been brought for the boys! People making assumptions that’s why I’m reacting the way I am.

Where did you bring them from? Do you have more than one stepson?

Ultimately, it's his home too, and he's part of the family. If you can afford it, it would be nice to get it.

Interesting first post op. DFOD

This lad combines (1) being arguably right with (2) being grossly rude and entitled - and in an 11yo that's a lethal combination

YABU. It's probably hard enough for your SS to leave his home and stay at yours as it is.

My child would still want to be at home if we had no wifi. But he would beg for it. Just like I begged for an old dial up connection in my dads, (which he got). I can still remember finding out he was getting a router and switching to wifi, and being so excited. Mum and stepdad always had/have the latest gadgets and upgrades. The first thing I spent money on when I got this house, was having broadband installed. My gran never had it, and I loved staying with her overnight one night at the weekend, but had I had to stay longer, or more frequently, I would have really missed it, and probably would have asked her to get it.