AIBU to wonder why I have never had a boyfriend?

[silverylamp]

Bit very embarrassing.

I am nothing special but pleasantly average. Successful career, own home, own teeth!

Yet I have never had so much of a whiff of interest.

I think if may be because although my life is settled and happy enough now (albeit dull) when I was younger it was chaotic and very dysfunctional. Perhaps most relationships are formed in younger years?

Sound to me like you have low self esteem . Not surprising if you had a chaotic childhood
And now you have normalised how you are and have probably given up
The thing is nothing will change unless you try and look at life a bit differently OP

Things can and Sol change but you need to start doing some thinking and exploring and focus on things you like

What interests you ? What work do you do ? Would you consider volunteering or taking some classes or a course in something you resllly like

Not to meet men but to build your self esteem and have fun

For example if I had the time I would like to do that emergency first aid responder course / you are not me but have a think about things you might want to explore doing that's outside of the box

That's my advice anyway - self development is cheesy phrase but so Valuable actually

I'm not like this in real life, though! In real life I'm not quizzed on whether or not I talk to men!

Would you say you have a sense of humour? Do you laugh a lot? Do you smile much?

I have volunteered for years, been active in work, had hobbies.

I know meeting someone randomly is hard. So that's why I went online.

Loads, diana

silverylamp I don't think for a moment anyone here is being unkind you came her asking for help and advice and thats what your getting plus examples of what other people have been through and their experiences. You are quite likely to be a tad hurt by some comments but from what I've read thus far they are not intended that way!.

Maybe not intentionally just but some posts did upset me a bit.

Which is why I explained this as I am sure no one came on with that intention.

I honestly don’t think anyone is trying to be unpleasant to you and make you feel like shit. You want to understand the reasons why and people are genuinely trying to help you do that.

I ask because those things can make first dates and getting to know new people easier.

You’re being “quizzed” because people are taking an interest in you and your situation. If we didn’t try to find out more about you the only responses we could give would be “I don’t know” because there would be nothing to go off.

I have a friend who i think is the nicest man on the planet. He is funny, kind, clever, quirky, has a good job, house, car, etc. He has LOADS of friends, male and female. And yet, he CANNOT find a relationship. For some reason, he just seems to give off a "don't go out with me" vibe. Now, he is a fair bit older than you, and age may have something to do with it, but i would say that he is also a warm and friendly person, and yet, he cannot find a girlfriend.

So, maybe there is something about some people which jsut causes them to not come across as 'dating material'. BUT my friend also refuses to put himself out there now, because of a few bad experiences with OLD. I do OLD as well, and to be perfectly honest, i use the free sites like POF as dating practice, rather than a place to actually find a relationship. I know that sounds horrible, but dating is a both a numbers game and an attitude game.

Definitely, Diana

I think it must be because of how I look.

Like I say, I am honestly nice in RL!

I didn't want to waste people's time with advice on how to meet people, that is all.
Remember I'm not asking for advice here.

Silvery, what do you want from this thread then?
You say you've accepted that you'll always be single (but unhappily, which suggests that you might like some advice as to how to avoid that situation, though you're very closed off to it).
Then you also say you want us to tell you why you've been single thus far, but whilst giving virtually nothing away about yourself. How can we, a bunch of strangers, possibly tell you why men aren't attracted to you when you answer an open-ended question like "tell us about yourself" with "not much to tell".
What do you want anyone here to tell you? People are trying to help but you're not giving them anything to go on.

Being single is fine and finding the right partner is a bonus IMO. Wishing you luck!

Look at the long message eebahgum sent you on page 1. Trying to empathise with you. Now look at your reply to her.

Remember I'm not asking for advice here. You don't need to be unpleasant to me, when it's my own life that it affecfs if you see what I mean.

I'm not clear what you are asking for, then. You asked why you might be single. People have made a lot of suggestions about why but without knowing every detail of your life so far, we can only guess.

What you seem to be asking is how that could change and, as everyone has said, the only person who can change your situation is you. If you don't want to, that's fine, but in that case, what was your post for?

I suppose I want to understand why no one wants me

I try not to fall down the self pity hole, but sometimes I do despite myself, especially when I realise I could wdll end up like Joyce Vincent; dead without anyone knowing!

So, if you think its because of the way you look....are you happy with the way you look? Would you change anything? More makeup, less makeup? Hair cut? Splashing out on terribly frivolous matching underwear that makes you feel a million dollars when you wear it?

Honestly, lovely, i very much doubt it is your looks. Ugly women have boyfriends. Dim women have boyfriends. Even nasty women have boyfriends. So its not your looks that are stopping you getting a boyfriend, but if you wanted to change something about yourself to give you a bit of a boost, changing the way you look can be a good start.

If you think it's how you look - can you elaborate on that exactly? In my experience it's lazy to say "I'm to big/small/tall/hooked nose etc to attract a partner".

My best friend adores Tom Hiddleston. I fancy the pants off Mark Ruffalo. She thinks Mark looks "filthy and a bit simple" whilst I think Tom looks like a slow worm...

Different strokes for different folks.

I shan't mention an awkward drunk convo I had with same friend who once confessed to having a crush on Nicholas Cage for I feel that is not in the public interest

Lets put aside the men for now

Do you have other fulfilling relationships with friends , family , nephews , colleagues and co volunteers

As I think people that know the real you are a good place to ask

A lot of perpetually single people I know do meet people . 3 recently in fact and we had almost given up on them

I think there is an answer but probably can't tell you!

Could you possibly have resting bitch face? I have, apparently it can be off putting for some people.

I know, that is what bemuses me. But I honestly don't think it is my personality as most people say how nice I am So it must be my looks!

Honestly, lovely, i very much doubt it is your looks. Ugly women have boyfriends. Dim women have boyfriends. Even nasty women have boyfriend

True this !

I'm not sure that it will be due to how you look. Different men are attracted to different looks. But you could post in the Style thread if you want constructive criticism on hair, clothes etc. There are some knowledgeable people over there. A makeover could be fun if you feel you're in a rut.

Please don't say that silverylamp. The story of Joyce Vincent is sad & tragic but unusual.