AIBU to wonder why I have never had a boyfriend?

[silverylamp]

Bit very embarrassing.

I am nothing special but pleasantly average. Successful career, own home, own teeth!

Yet I have never had so much of a whiff of interest.

I think if may be because although my life is settled and happy enough now (albeit dull) when I was younger it was chaotic and very dysfunctional. Perhaps most relationships are formed in younger years?

As in they weren't interested in you or you weren't interested in them?

Like I say, I didn't have any interest. 4 dates altogether.

Never had a whiff of interest

How are you at reading signals from people? I find it hard to believe no one has ever taken any interest in you or tried to flirt with you.

Ok - obviously I'm not you! I meant that I was single for a really long time and wondered why I couldn't get a boyfriend.

How did you feel about them on the dates?

You've just contradicted yourself - "I didn't have any interest. 4 dates altogether". You did have interest but it didn't work out. You need to try to change the way you're thinking about this.

Yes but eh you seem to have been looking a lot. I think for me i accepted a few years ago it wasn't for me and it puzzles me which is why i asked on here but I don't really expect anything now!

If you want to be in a relationship you need to make an effort to meet men in situations where you feel able to get to know them and vice versa.

The 21st century workplace isn't one of them. Sensible men know that a single clumsy word or gesture to a female colleague could result in an allegation of sexual harassment, and the presumption that they are guilty until proved innocent, so they just don't go there.

Liked gwo, wasn't so keen on the ofher two.

*two!

I don't meet men at work anyway, although plenty do. I honestly think it must be something about me.

If you had four dates, you obviously had some interest!

Why did none of them go any further?

X-post.

So, the two you liked, why did they not go further?

It seems like you're answering your own question, you don't have a boyfriend because you feel like it's not for you. If you do decide you want a boyfriend, you'd have to persevere with dating until you find someone it works out with.

Two didn't like me, two I wasn't keen on. It was four dates in two years though!

I feel your pain silvery. I'm 46 and haven't even started dating. Needless to say I haven't slept with any women either (I am male heterosexual just to be clear). Maybe I'm invisible ?

I honestly think it's not something about you. That's the point I'm trying to make. Out of the dates you've had 50% didn't progress because you weren't interested. Is that because something was "wrong" with them and they'll never have a successful relationship with anyone? No! It's just because they didn't match you very well.

Maybe you should go on a date with flocontrol! You'd have a pretty awesome story about how you met!

Did you want more than four dates? I'd say you'd need more than that to meet someone you liked and who liked you. The odds aren't very good if you're meeting that few people. Like others said, what about a hobby where you meet people, and putting the word out to your friends in case they know anyone.

Try Tinder!

It isn't going to happen now, but I am wondering why it has never happened.

Tbh theres no guarantee of meeting the right person but i think you have to be open to meeting men if you want a relationship a friend of friend didnt meet her husband untill she was 36/37shes good looking is a nice person etc it just didnt happen untill then shes now married with two kids though .

I doubt it's anything about you. There's someone for everyone. It could be a combination of not meeting enough people and not being very good at flirting or not really liking much about the people you meet.

Have you had any casual flings? What about past relationships? I think sometimes if you've had bad experiences in the past, you can put up a bit of a wall without realising it, and come across as cold/uninterested. Not saying this is you, but I've known it to happen before.

What sort of partner were you looking for/what was your online profile like? Were you "picky", saying you'd only date a vegetarian or something? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it limits the pool.

For internet dating to work you have to be proactive. You have to contact people. you can't just wait for them to contact you (unless you look like a supermodel). Also you have to date A LOT. I think I read that to meet one person that you would want to see again the average is 10 dates.

If you are low in confidence, are introverted or suffer from anxiety it can be really nerve racking going on lots of dates. You have to change your mind set. Don't take them too seriously and don't think that every date will = true love. You just have to think that it is a night out for a bit of fun. Easy to say, but not easy to do. I found internet dating very hard for reasons stated above. Works for some though!