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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be tired of hearing this from everyone?

153 replies

yawning801 · 07/10/2017 12:30

SLIGHTLY LIGHTHEARTED!

I'm a size 6 (sometimes eight) and 5ft 5. My doctor is telling me that I urgently need to gain weight. I've tried pigging out and weight-gain powders, etc etc, all to no avail. And all I hear is this:

"Just eat!"
"It must be SO HARD for you, trying to GAIN WEIGHT!"
"You're so lucky, trying to gain weight! I need to lose weight!"
"Can I give you some of mine?"
"Hey, Friend X! yawning is trying to gain weight!"

AIBU to want to take off anyone's face who says the above?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 07/10/2017 13:08

It would be silly to eat foods without nutritional value to increase weight

JKR123 · 07/10/2017 13:09

I've had this for years; mainly from my mum. It made me feel really insecure at times. I can remember getting up in the middle of the night a few years ago and eating lumps of cheese. They had me convinced I wasn't looking after myself. I realised it was rediculous. Why should you need to over eat so that you look like you fit into an expected norm? In the end I've learned to accept that this is who I am. I did bring it up with my doctor and they told me that as long as I am eating well then it's fine. Like someone else on here has already said, a lot of the comments you are getting are probably borne of other people's jealousy. Thin shaming ought to be seen as fat shaming in my honest opinion.

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 07/10/2017 13:11

I think that as a general rule, you should never comment on another persons weight.
A friend of mine had a similar problem and found that eating loads of nuts really helped, because they're easy to snack on so she could eat more throughout the day. (Don't want to sound like one of those condescending people who has the cure for all your problems, so just in case you haven't tried it)

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 07/10/2017 13:11

I get it.

I'm very slim an was constantly asked if I had an eating disorder as a teenager.

I can't find clothes that fit.

I actually grew up thinking there was something horribly wrong with me that I didn't look like other girls and no one would ever want me because it was so unattractive.

In your case - have they offered you fortisip? If you really can't gain weight I would just try to eat and drink as healthily as possible.

If you're anything like me you won't gain it back quickly anyway. I was quite ill a few years back and I lost about a stone. It took me more than 2 months to gain it back again.

JKR123 · 07/10/2017 13:11
  • meant to say that thin shaming ought to be see as being as bad as fat shaming
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 07/10/2017 13:12

Being too thin is as undesirable as being too fat. I don't get why the two get such different treatment. I feel your pain op, have heard all the remarks in your post! Good luck.

RhiannonOHara · 07/10/2017 13:15

I can see how that would be annoying. There seems to be some kind of unwritten rule that you can’t comment on an overweight person’s size/weight (for the record I’m 16-18), but that anyone under a 12 is fair game. It’s double standards.

Absolutely this. I am tall and –I'd say lanky, but other people persist in saying 'skinny' – and everyone seems to feel that they can say whatever they like about my weight and what they assume to be my eating habits. In fact I eat a fair amount and pretty healthily, am active and have always been about the same shape and weight.

Many people have asked if I'm anorexic, which is fucking offensive and ignorant towards anyone who actually IS.

RoseWhiteTips · 07/10/2017 13:15

So subtle.

AccrualIntentions · 07/10/2017 13:18

That's incredibly irritating and people should mind their own business. However, if you were here saying you aren't eating much and not losing weight, people would be falling over themselves to tell you that you're just eating more than you think because it's all about calories in vs calories out.

FairlyConstantNameChanger · 07/10/2017 13:19

YADNBU!! It is incredibly frustrating. I am the same. Weeks and weeks of eating huge amounts and I have managed to gain a measly 2.5kg and only gone up half a dress size. Yet people say you are lucky. So, so annoying.

FairlyConstantNameChanger · 07/10/2017 13:20

By weeks I mean nearly 3 months and managed to gain less than half a stone.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/10/2017 13:21

I don't know why it's considered Ok to comment on slimness/skinniness, but nobody is allowed to comment on fatness/obesity.
I was always skinny (no,longer!) purely because I'd never been much of an eater. I was satisfied with not much and wasn't keen on a lot of puddings, cakes etc. I certainly didn't have an eating disorder but after I'd had dds and was still very slim, I found that a so called friend had been telling everyone I must be anorexic - because I had said no thanks to biscuits at her house!! I just wasn't mad about biscuits - she couldn't believe anyone would genuinely NOT want biscuits. It was months before I found out what she'd been telling everyone.

She was one of those people who are always a bit overweight, and always going on diets she never stuck to for long, and stuffing herself with loads of sweet things in between. Which was entirely her own business - each to her own - but it was IMO extremely U to judge me by her own eating habits.

Sohurt17 · 07/10/2017 13:24

How old are you OP? Because age will take care of that one!
I was skinny skinny skinny in my teens and 20s (barely 6 1/2 stone) and am now just over 8 1/2. Still slim but not skinny and with boobs and a bum for the first time in my life.

Even the extremely skinny Twiggy filled out in middle age to a more curvy slim.

So it’s just a matter of time and you’ll enjoy the good old middle age spread. Wink

BrieAndChilli · 07/10/2017 13:24

Why don’t you give us a typical days food for you, maybe we can help with some suggestions on how to add extra calories in.
Eg put butter on all veg, cream in coffee etc

It could be that your normal eating habits are naturally low carb or low fat and we can see where you can change things around.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/10/2017 13:24

I'm tall and was at one point so underweight you could see my ribs. I was always on the slim side but had been ill.

Despite this the relative who doles out penis portions continued to do so and would offer me cottage cheese and salad when the rest of the family were having a massive dinner.

It really is a thing that underweight people with problems gaining weight are not taken seriously.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/10/2017 13:26

I'm sorry you're frustrated 🌷 and I hope you recover soon.

People are envious. A bit like it's hard to have much empathy for someone struggling to decide which of two £400 dresses to buy for an important event, when you can't even afford a £4 multi pack of new pants. You can see their problem, but it just doesn't feel real to you.

I think that for the vast majority of us, the concept of not being able to gain weight, is just so alien that it's almost unbelievable. For those of us who only have to look at a bit of food & it adheres to our bodies it does feel like you are lucky. Being overweight is horrible and it's not as easy as eat less, move more. Nor, I'm sure, is it at easy for you to gain weight as 'eat more'.

If I were you I'd eat things that combine carbs & high fat (baked potatoes with butter & cheese, toast with avocado & cheese) and nuts, oils with proteins & carbs together & do so frequently through the day. Most diets 'work' by drastically reducing either fat or carbs so your body knows what it's to focus on burning, combining both makes weight gain more likely. I'd avoid crap food like crisps, chocolate, biscuits etc because you want to build muscles & strength not just layers of fat.

Hopefully you'll gain strength, health & weight. Good luck.

AccrualIntentions · 07/10/2017 13:26

Penis portions ShockShock

MinervaSaidThat · 07/10/2017 13:31

OP, if you're a meat eater, maybe increase your intake of red meat? My GP recommended steak for my anaemia. I am a size 14 though!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/10/2017 13:31

I’m overweight now. Used to be incredibly skinny to the point where I could have been an anorexic teen. So have seen both sides. Yadnbu. A friends ex is just skin and bone and like some others, who struggle to put on weight, would rather be like me but would be laughed at and scorned for saying so. It sounds miserable at both end of the spectrum. I also know a girl in her teens like this. She can only partake in sport if she is a certain weight. Poor kid.

Ellie56 · 07/10/2017 13:31

penis portions??

Ikeameatballs · 07/10/2017 13:39

I think some of it is that as the population as a whole have got fatter those who remain at the thinner end of healthy or a little bit underweight stand out so much more. I agree that the comments are unhelpful though.

TimetobeAnon · 07/10/2017 13:43

My mum has been slim all her life, and we were all very slim children. I grew out of it quite severely (now size 14-16 on the bottom and overweight) but my middle sister is still a size 8 at 5'10.

As for my mum, she's been tested for thyroid issues and all sorts, but it seems she is just naturally slim. She's had comments all her life too. She does spend a ridiculous amount of time on her feet, however, which I do think contributes. She's current (at 9st and 5'7) the heaviest she's ever been, which we all attribute to the fact she works in a cake shop now. Not that I'm recommending that!

Antidepressants and the contraceptive pill caused me to gain weight, alongside an utterly shite diet at uni, I guess that's not a sensible suggestion either...

mrsRosaPimento · 07/10/2017 13:47

I don't think skinny people who say they eat as much as they want probably have a small appetite.
I'm fat because I eat too much.

schoolgaterebel · 07/10/2017 13:48

I have a very skinny teenage DD and she is desperate to be curvier, she eats well and she is active, energetic. Perfectly healthy in every way except just very very thin (and tall).
She is ‘skinny shamed’ at school all the time, called ‘anorexic’ and a ‘stick insect’ it’s heartbreaking watching her losing confidence in herself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/10/2017 13:49

Ellie
Penis portions are massive platefuls for the men and meagre pickings for the women. Because y’know we need to watch our figure and they’re the superior sex etc.