to be tired of hearing this from everyone?

[yawning801]

SLIGHTLY LIGHTHEARTED!

I'm a size 6 (sometimes eight) and 5ft 5. My doctor is telling me that I urgently need to gain weight. I've tried pigging out and weight-gain powders, etc etc, all to no avail. And all I hear is this:

"Just eat!"
"It must be SO HARD for you, trying to GAIN WEIGHT!"
"You're so lucky, trying to gain weight! I need to lose weight!"
"Can I give you some of mine?"
"Hey, Friend X! yawning is trying to gain weight!"

AIBU to want to take off anyone's face who says the above?

[Hebenon]

Polar you are talking rubbish and your post is not even consistent.

Yes, in the case of eating disorders and people who are underweight through starving themselves, it is very dangerous and anyone who knows someone like that should strongly urge them to seek medical help as soon as possible.

In the case of people who are naturally slim (like how you say you have tiny bones and have a higher body fat percentage than your larger friend), it is not necessarily unhealthy. Many on this thread are a lot slimmer than average but still taking in plenty of nutrients and calories.

And yes, doctors can be very helpful but they can also be unhelpful. I personally had lots of doctors advising me to put weight on when in fact my body fat percentage was slap bang in the middle of the normal range (would never have bothered to get it measured if people hadn't been telling me I was unhealthy which I wasn't in those days - prob far fitter and more muscular than now at a supposedly healthy weight). And now I am a stone heavier than that and most of that is probably fat and I am sitting here in a size 6 Next stretchy vest thing which isn't even stretched.

In fact, if you are an outlier, you need to take sensible stock of what you are putting into your body and taking out in terms of energy and follow what is healthy for you, not for anyone else. And that goes for the larger than average too. I do not think the standard advice works well for anyone who is at the extreme ends of the weight range.

[yawning801]

Exactly what Dipping said.

And Polar I have been trying since before my surgery to contact a dietician. I have heard absolutely zilch.

[Coconutspongexo]

Polar OP isn't bothered about the Dr telling her to put on weight, its unsolicited comments that everyone is on about.

[PolarBearkshire]

If DOCTOR tells you to gain some weight clearly your size dont matter- your bidy is probably shutting down from lack of nutrients stc heart does struggle the most when person weighs little - you NEED food to keep going. Size actually dont mean anything. I have tiny bones and my body fat % is higher than my fat friend's... she looks pretty big because her built is just pretty big. So if it is the case- you really should contact dietician and start working on your HEALTH- size or weight is just a side thing.
And yes if media can hunt and fat shame we definitely should put our attention on very wasting away people- they have not got lots of time to lose.
You can be annoyed all you like but you really need to have a very hard look at your health and what you are eating and DO listen to your doctor!

[Thebearsbunny]

I was the same, I had a 22 inch waist up till my late 20’s when I filled out slightly. I have always loved my food and have an aversion to exercise (though I can’t drive so walk a lot). I’m now 51 and since menopause I’m struggling to keep the weight off. For the first time In my life I have to be careful about what I eat. Some people are naturally very slim, especially at a young age. I hated being so slim, people used to ask me if I had a eating disperser. It was distressing at times.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

At the risk of sounding a bit Victorian, I think personal remarks are bad manners. (And I don't think it's jealousy, as much as envy, with saying things to the thinner among us.)
Believe me, everyone has an opinion when you're overweight too, not to mention anything medically wrong with you is blamed on being fat. Anything at all.

[pussinhavaianas]

I used to get those comments all the time, despite eating like a hungry pregnant hyena. No matter what I ate, I just couldn't gain weight as I have a small frame. I think with age it gradually changed. I feel your pain though, I don't think people realise how insensitive they are being, since they aren't commenting on the reverse (being larger).

[MuddlingThroughLife]

Thank you Hebbenon and dipping.

[Coconutspongexo]

Fingers crossed for your son & your family muddling

[MarthaArthur]

Complan i was thinking of! Blinking vile stuff 😁 i used to pur milkshake powder and cocoa in with them but it never altered the hideous flavour.

[IvorHughJarrs]

I'm a porker so my first suggestion is that you move in with me and eat some of my food (might help us both! )
Other than that my only useful suggestion would be to use the NHS diet reinforcement guidelines, my elderly neighbour was given these a while back and they helped him. Your GP should be able to supply these or get a dietitian to send them for you. Alternatively get some Complan, make it up with full cream milk and have one serving mid-morning and one mid-afternoon in addition to normal meals

I agree with your point that shaming you is just as bad as shaming me. It's a shame some people can't just accept we are all different

[Hebenon]

Question, do other people on here who cant gain weight, do you feel cold and dizzy a lit too?

Until I put around a stone on as part of the ageing process, I did often feel cold. I would wear a fleece in bed, under a duvet etc. I was 7 stone plus or minus maybe a couple of pounds throughout my adult life (apart from pregnancy). I am the same height as OP. I'm now 8 stone and don't really feel the cold in the same way at all. I frequently just sleep in a vest top now. It has made a huge difference to my temperature!

Best of luck to your son, Muddling. I hope there are plenty of nice calorific things that he enjoys and feels like eating and that the rest of his treatment goes well.

[MuddlingThroughLife]

Thank you for your good wishes Helen and Martha He was diagnosed with a brain tumour in january, he's doing good and we are now waiting for his end of treatment MRI results from friday 🤞

[MarthaArthur]

muddling hope your ds is doing well now.

[frieda909]

YANBU OP, and I say that as a slightly overweight woman myself! I have a friend who's very slim and always struggles to put weight on, and some of the comments she gets are outrageous.

I once had to go with her to A&E after she had an accident and the nurse asked when she'd last eaten. Then before she could even answer the nurse said 'look at you, you haven't eaten in days have you?'

We'd been out for pizza the night before. My friend said as much and the nurse just said 'hmm... sure you did '

So fucking rude.

[HelenaDove]

Hope your DS is better soon Muddling.

[MuddlingThroughLife]

I don't know how helpful this will be to you but here goes!

Ds aged 10 has recently finished chemo and was steadily losing weight. The dieticians advice was to give him whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Although fruit and veg are important, we were told to only give small portions of fruit and veg as they are bulky and would fill him to quickly therefore reducing the amount of calories we could get in to him.

Good luck!

[HelenaDove]

Ta Martha.


I dont know why ppl cant STFU about how women look. And it is mostly women who get this. Its sexism.

[MarthaArthur]

Thats admirable you must have the will of steel. And to everyone struggling with their weight whether thdy are over or under. Its so hard to get to and maintain a healthy level.

[yawning801]

I haven't weighed myself recently but the last time I weighed myself I was around 7 stone. I have been told "Look under "lightweight" in the dictionary and there's a picture of you!" recently. Thanks for all the reassurance and advice!

[Sequence]

YANBU. People who don't know how to listen and be truly supportive try to find you a non-existent quick fix, despite having no particular knowledge of the subject. It's as if they can't cope with you having a longer-term, more complicated problem and prefer to push trite "advice" to stop you complaining. Not helpful or friendly! And if you say their tips are as useless as a ginger biscuit for hyperemesis they just say you should think positive.

[londonrach]

Every patient told her she needed to gain weight. Awful.

[londonrach]

Yanbu. I had a friend who struggled to gain weight and could eat her weight in biscuits and still loose weight. She looked ill and hated it but loved her hobby too much ( running as sadly she was unable to have children so her running became more important).

[HelenaDove]

Its been a while. I lost the original 10 stone between 2002 and 2004.

Kept it off until DH got ill then slowly regained 4 between 2007 and 2013

Went back to SW 4 years ago and it took 3 and a half years to lose 4 stone. I had to tweak their plan a bit the second time. Because their so called low syn recommendations are high in sugar. Thats when i realised my body could not handle the sugar in so called low fat anymore. It can actually handle fat (in a sensible amount obvs) better than it handles sugar. I had to do it this way or not lose weight at all. It was slow loss second time but i dont gain as easily now because it was so slow so at Christmas i can let go a bit (and i do. im only human) and not do too much damage.

Ive found a way that works for me.

[letsmargaritatime]

The thing is op, if you are overweight then nobody will ever accept that it is not completely within your control. Everybody states (especially on here) that it really is as simple as eat less, move more. Or particularly, eat less. Yet I often see posts from the slim posters saying they just can't gain weight, or asking how can they gain weight, that don't have these reactions. "Naturally slim" seems slightly more accepted and less cynically received than "naturally fat"