to be tired of hearing this from everyone?

[yawning801]

SLIGHTLY LIGHTHEARTED!

I'm a size 6 (sometimes eight) and 5ft 5. My doctor is telling me that I urgently need to gain weight. I've tried pigging out and weight-gain powders, etc etc, all to no avail. And all I hear is this:

"Just eat!"
"It must be SO HARD for you, trying to GAIN WEIGHT!"
"You're so lucky, trying to gain weight! I need to lose weight!"
"Can I give you some of mine?"
"Hey, Friend X! yawning is trying to gain weight!"

AIBU to want to take off anyone's face who says the above?

[NetflixandBill]

It's wrong to comment and tease, but I admit that I am also envious of people who can eat what they like and never gain weight. My DH is like this and needs to lift weights and add in protein shakes to stay at his desired weight which is only around 12st so not massive. I do get that he hates it when he can't get to the gym much and he doesn't fill his clothes as he'd like though.

[Graphista]

I'm overweight obese now but was skinny right into my mid 30's, the side of the family I take after are almost all slim, I have one cousin in particular who gets really fed up of complete strangers telling her she looks 'ill' 'gaunt' etc totally unprovoked. My dd is not quite as slim and is darker skin toned (cousin also blonde blue eyes v pale skin so that doesn't help with people seeing her as unhealthy) but also gets daft comments and they both get sick of 'real women have curves' type shit on fb etc.

It should be just as taboo to slim-shame as fat shame.

RE gaining weight, dd and I have tried to work together on this over the years, with help from dieticians and Drs. Fortisip type things have helped, high protein high complex fat diets, it's not as simple as eat junk, because people with a high metabolism burn off simple fats and carbs really fast. She's been regularly checked for metabolic disorders but nothing shows up and given the family situation I think it is 'just'genetic.

All the v slim relatives eat LOADS inc biscuits, cake, fried food etc.

I wish you luck and better health op, I have back issues too nightmare.

[Rubies12345]

Are you a veggie OP? I am and B12 helped a bit.

I know how you feel, at uni I was nicknamed Skeletor. That was during the time of the obsession with "real women", it was worse then.

[Ellie56]

Penis portions are massive platefuls for the men and meagre pickings for the women. Because y’know we need to watch our figure and they’re the superior sex etc.

Bollocks to that but thanks for the explanation Mummyoflittledragon.

[Ofthread]

Are you actually underweight according to BMI? A hospital consultant wrote in a letter to my GP once that I appeared underweight. I was BMI 22!

[Purdyandwheezy]

I hear you OP. I have a medical condition which makes me struggle to put on weight and have had two pregnancies during which I was sick almost every day throughout. This has resulted in me now weighing only about 7 stone 9 and 5 foot 4. It is soul destroying that every time I manage to put a few pounds on, my condition flares up and half a stone is lost in a few days and I have to start all over.
The feeling of over eating is so uncomfortable after a meal and I really think having to overeat compared to what your body really wants must be worse than under eating because it makes you feel like your going to be sick with all the food. But can never say this out loud in real life because the majority of people struggle with the opposite.

[FairlyConstantNameChanger]

Purdy . I can easily lose half a stone in a few days too unless I am careful and eat when I am not hungry, must be even harder with a medical condition.

I read that article Dustbunny, very interesting, especially re. comfort eating. I have never understood comfort eating (just can't see the point) and if unhappy would far rather not bother eating. Can never admit to that in real life of course.

[yawning801]

Thank you for all the advice everyone. It's sad that I'm not alone and people think that it's OK to say "You need to put some meat on your bones!" when it's NOT OK to say "You need to take some meat off your bones!"

[speakout]

You have my sympathy.

I was a very lean child, and my mother wasted no time in making disparaging remarks about my body.
She would sit over me at meal times and force me to eat.

I didn't want to be so thin, but simply had no appetite.
When I was 8 I learned that I could swallow my food and throw up in the toilet to avoid feeling uncomfortably full and nauseous.
I wasn't trying to lose weight, I never thought I was fat.
I continued the cycle of throwing up when I felt anxious until my 20s, I couldn't have meals with boyfriends- or if I did I would immediately heave the lot into the pan.

I have bad memories of being slated for being thin.

[bananafish81]

Sympathies OP, I can totally relate

I'm naturally slim, and struggle to put on weight

I find it very hard to get my weight up, but it'll drop off incredibly quickly

I was also ordered by a Dr to put on weight - my fertility consultant said I needed to get my BMI up to a minimum of 18 before we could start IVF - it was hovering above 17 at the time (my infertility isn't weight related BTW).

I thought I was eating shitloads and had some ridiculously fast metabolism (people would often remark on how lucky I was because I could scoff so much junk yet remain slim)

I had to try and cut out sugars and simple carbs and eat low GL because of my PCOS, but yet put on weight. Which was really hard as eating low GL is a very good way to lose weight - and I had to do the opposite

I started tracking what I was eating with My Fitness Pal, to monitor calorie and nutritional intake. Turns out I was eating WAY less than I thought I was. I tracked every mouthful and ended up massively upping my portions and eating about three extra small meals a day (so, so many avocados, oil on everything, peanut butter, protein powder and Greek yogurt, eggs all the frigging time). I couldn't believe how much I needed to eat to get 2000 calories a day down me!

It did get a bit easier as the more I ate, the more it seemed to stretch my stomach so the more I was able to eat, and did seem to then stimulate my appetite a bit, which made it easier to force food down

It took a while, but I did get there. Unfortunately stress and sadness after my miscarriages meant all the weight fell off very quickly and I just haven't had the motivation to work to get it up (I have a similar issue, I take strong opioid pain meds and they completely kill my appetite). I know that right now the reason I'm so underweight is because I'm simply not eating enough.

I don't expect sympathy for my weight issues, but I do hate being told how lucky I am to find it hard to put on weight

Can definitely recommend MyFitnessPal to help you get the weight on (as well as getting your thyroid etc checked)

I found it easier to front load my calories and eat 2-3 breakfasts, so I'd feel less daunted by having to eat enormous dinners after work, because I'd not eaten enough during the day. Good luck!

[bananafish81]

@FairlyConstantNameChanger and @Purdyandwheezy YES. When I'm stressed, sad, or struggling with my chronic pain (spinal injury and hypermobility syndrome) the weight will drop off ridiculously fast

I've no interest in food, I can't be bothered eating much less cooking, the thought of food makes me nauseous. I once said to someone off hand that I wish I could just eat a pill instead of having to eat meals and they were aghast saying that food was one of life's great pleasures. Sigh. Not for everyone!

[MammaTJ]

I am obese, but my sister is very slim. When she had her DS1 at 20 years old, they midwives kept following her to the toilet, every time she went and especially after meals, thinking she could not be that tiny, eat that much and be that slim without being bulimic. She is just naturally skinny,m eats more than I do and is 48 and has had a lifetime of the comments as have I about my fatness. Just but out rude people!

YANBU!

[Papafran]

Turns out I was eating WAY less than I thought I was. I tracked every mouthful and ended up massively upping my portions and eating about three extra small meals a day (so, so many avocados, oil on everything, peanut butter, protein powder and Greek yogurt, eggs all the frigging time). I couldn't believe how much I needed to eat to get 2000 calories a day down me!

Yes, the majority of very slim people I know who claim to eat like a horse have a naturally small appetite and self-regulate so that if they eat a large meal, they naturally eat less. It's a very good naturally inbuilt skill to have (although in your case, the doctor wants you to gain weight). Many obese people have been found to lack the ability to self-regulate. They are often hungry all the time and without strict discipline, will constantly overeat.

I think the reason people have made those comments is that for an overweight person, being told to eat as much as possible to gain weight would be a dream come true. I have been overweight and can attest to that, so I might jokingly say something like in your OP (which does sound quite good-natured tbh). For an overweight person (especially one starving on the latest diet) it would be similar to a rich person complaining to a poor one that s/he has too much cash to know what to do with. I do take the point that it's a medical concern for you, but just trying to let you into how that person is feeling.

I second the suggestion to use MFP and make sure you eat high quality nutrient dense food. See if there is anything the doctor can recommend as well to help you.

[Papafran]

so that if they eat a large meal, they naturally eat less

Sorry, I meant to say that they will naturally eat less the next meal, the next day etc. Plus their version of large meal is not an overweight person's definition of the same.

[mogulfield]

When I’m stressed my weight drops off and my apetite goes the worst is people saying how great I look, no I just look ill!
I went to the Dr as I got down to 7 stone and she was not sympathetic, ‘just eat’ was the response. Thing is my tummy was so turbulent from stress every time I tried to eat I threw up.
I wanted to eat but couldn’t! So you have my sympathy Op.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

I would never go up to a fat person and say 'god you look awful, you need to loose weight'

You might not. People do however.

I have been told by a random stranger that if I lost weight I wouldn't need my wheelchair.

[bananafish81]

I think the reason people have made those comments is that for an overweight person, being told to eat as much as possible to gain weight would be a dream come true. I have been overweight and can attest to that, so I might jokingly say something like in your OP (which does sound quite good-natured tbh). For an overweight person (especially one starving on the latest diet) it would be similar to a rich person complaining to a poor one that s/he has too much cash to know what to do with.

I totally take that point, but when over eating makes you feel nauseous, so putting on weight makes you feel uncomfortably full and sick all the bloody time, that doesn't seem a million miles away from an overweight person who's starving all the time. In both cases the person is having to go against their body's natural instincts and make themselves feel pretty rubbish in the process.

[Bambamber]

I have a friend like this. He never stops eating, but never seems to put any weight on. He gets a lot of comments and it really does affect him. He was made to feel like he wasn't manly enough because he was so skinny. He genuinely does eat a lot as well, Drs just say he has a fast metabolism. The only thing that has helped him, was hitting the gym. He has put on some weight in muscle and it has really helped him to bulk out a bit (he doesn't look overly muscular). Obviously may not be possible with your recent surgeries, and not talking about deadlifiting heavy weights, but certain exercises may help you when you're able

[IshouldntcareaboutthisbutIdo]

OP piglet and others - no it is not OK to comment on other people's weight. downright bloody rude. OP sorry you are having a tough time and hope you find a solution (I know not helpful at all!) but a visit to the GP might help too

[Papafran]

I would never go up to a fat person and say 'god you look awful, you need to loose weight

You might not. People do however

Agree, Piglet. Let's not in any way suggest that fat people do not encounter daily verbal, sometimes even physical abuse about their size. Not to mention constantly being accused of being a drain on the NHS, facing workplace discrimination, accusations that they are lazy, unhygienic etc. It is not right to ever make comments about other people's bodies, but 'skinny-shaming' is not on a par, even if it can feel like that to the recipient. The closest analogy I can think of is where white people claim to be the target of racism from other ethnic groups. It can feel bad at the time, but white people are ultimately in a position of privilege and therefore it is not the same kind of thing as when e.g. a black person experiences racism.

[Justaboy]

A young lady daughter of a friend has she says this problem would love to be a bit more curvy but she eats like a horse and doesn't put an ounce on! Not that active either but otherwise in very good health!

I reckon its just the way she is but mum and her dad are like garden rakes!.

DD3 here has a lovely figure size 10 and around 5 foot 10 high but is convinced shes obese despite everyone telling her otherwise;!

[Papafran]

Oh of course, bananafish81 and you have my sympathy. But to an overweight person, that hunger can consume them and the one thing that they would love more than anything would be the ability to eat what they wanted. When I was overweight, I used to wish I was skinny or underweight, just so that I could eat a meal without worrying that it would make me fat, because then it wouldn't be an issue. It sounds strange, but it's difficult to understand unless you have had that feeling of constantly being hungry and being unable to stop thinking about food.

[Flyinggeese]

OP I know what you mean. For a time after my son was born I was very skinny. I never really put weight on anyway at that time but a combination of breastfeeding and being more physically active with the baby really made me lose weight. People said some awful things, out of concern I think, some behind my back which I got to hear about. It made me so worried there was something actually wrong with me.

So so rude.

[Papafran]

A young lady daughter of a friend has she says this problem would love to be a bit more curvy but she eats like a horse and doesn't put an ounce on!

I had a skinny friend at uni who would eat chocolate daily and a big helping of pasta with cheese on top. I was really jealous but one day decided to track what she actually ate. No breakfast, a sandwich made from two slices of white bread and one slice of ham for lunch. No snacks. Then for dinner, a large portion of pasta, a sauce, some grated cheese and some biscuits or a chocolate bar for afterwards or maybe some ice cream. Calorie-wise, definitely under 2000 calories, but to her and everyone around her who witnessed her big dinners, she was indeed eating like a horse.

Then I compared it to when I had a 'bad' day dieting wise (I was suffering from binge eating disorder at the time). 4 slices of buttered toast for breakfast, then thought screw it, I have blown the diet. Several chocolate bars and crisps throughout the day. 2 cheese toasties for lunch. Biscuits- at least half a packet. Then a whole pizza or large portion of pasta or takeaway food for dinner and a whole tub of ben and jerry's or more biscuits for dessert. Probably around 4000 calories, maybe even more. So you can see the difference and why I gained weight and she stayed very very slim. My notion of eating like a horse was nothing like hers (and many very overweight people struggle with binge eating).

I should say, my friend's way of eating was infinitely better than mine. She was not obsessed with food- she did not use it as a comfort or a punishment or to block out emotions. I also did not eat like that every day- most of my days were 'good days' but they were ultimately cancelled out by bad days. But for my friend, she was puzzled as to why she who ate pasta and chocolate every day was skinny when I would often have salad for dinner.

I have taken steps to overcome binge eating and although it is still an issue sometimes, I have greatly reduced it. I am also now a healthy weight for my height and I do a lot of exercise and am taking steps to become a happier person. I can see how I was abusing food in the past to cover up for other things.

[thepurplehen]

I’ve had this for a lot of my life.

Good meaning people “whispering” to my now ex husband that he should take me to the doctors as I obviously had an eating disorder. Fortunately he used to laugh and tell them I ate more than him (which I did, and he was over weight). I was also breast feeding my son for a year and surely couldn’t have managed that if I had an eating disorder?!

My bmi is now 20 and as I’m in my 40’s people don’t comment now but it was very frustrating when it was going on.