To notice happiest mothers single with good shared care

[brasty]

The happiest mothers I know are those who are single, but have shared care with their ex, and their ex looks after their DC properly. I know a few mothers like this, and they all say their ex does way more than they did when they were together, plus they get lots of time off to pursue friendships, and hobbies. These mothers tend to socialise lots, and maybe because they get so much time off, seem way more relaxed when their kids are badly behaved, than the rest of us.

So, you are saying single mums have it easiest?

I would say anyone who shares the care of children and shares the 'free time' has a happy deal. Whether they are in a relationship or not

But, if you husband is a dead weight, it is ok to leave him and you will probably be happier

This is me. I am so much happier and more relaxed since splitting from XH, who now has the DC 3 nights/wk. I only wish he had stepped up and done his share when we were together. Seems like the only way to get him to take parenting seriously was to get him to do it on his own.

Let's not forget appearances can be deceptive. The happiest people are not always what they seem.

Megabus I love my DP, and DO is brilliant. I am one who says LTB, because I know relationships can be great. But what I have posted is what I have observed, and it does make me wonder if as a society we should not be aspiring to nuclear families, but organising things differently.

I'm a single mother and really happy but I have both of my retired parents involved.

I agree, I have a friend who divorced when the children were tiny years ago now. Her ex had his own place and had the children every weekend and was also able to have time off for any other things that cropped up. She was able to work 4 days a week and also had her own mum helping out ( a lot) she had weekends away, trips abroad with a new partner, spa days and keep her own career very much on track and now reaping the rewards. ex is a good friend still. She agrees that she has been lucky, but that she could never live with a man in her life permanently and seems to think that i am the 'mug' for being married 'forever'. some days, i think she may have a point.

Brasty I understand totally what you mean. I used to think this myself when I worked with a colleague who has exactly this arrangement. On the weekends her DCs are with their dad, she went on outings, went partying, had weekends away. Seemed to me to be very good for her mental health! I also know she went through a lot to get to that point arrangement (including representing herself in court).

I don't think you are making a sweeping generalisation that single mothers are happier, but I agree it's simply an observation which acts as a stimulus to a discussion about how families can operate in a way that's best for everybody.

Yes it is about noticing that maybe to be really happy, most people need kids, work and regular time to socialise, have long lies in and do their own thing. All of these things add something positive to your life, but few people have them all.

Or I should add, few mothers have them all. Plenty of fathers do.

Yeah I know way more single mothers living in penury with an arsehole of an ex who gives her fuck-all, and rarely has the kids, than I do the kind of single mother described in the original post.

These single mothers living a great lifestyle with a great social life and lots of hobbies and friendship groups, whilst daddie dearest looks after the sproglets for 3 - 4 days a week is the exception, rather than the rule.

As someone said, the happiest mothers, are the ones who have their man share the childcare and housework, at least SOME of the time!

Yes this is me too. The split has been devastating and I would never have chosen to bring up kids like this.. but as others say, he's only stepped up to the plate now I've gone. And yes, now I'm recovering, I have friends and interests and down time , the house is clean and the kids happy. Working full time and lone parenting, even though ex has rhem 3 nights per week is very full on.
I would prefer to be happily married to a man who pulls his weight , to be honest. But this is wayyyy better than my life before.

Where are you all finding these happy mothers? Every time I meet with friends all we do is whinge

Tippz I am talking about how life could maybe be better organised. I don't think nuclear families, even though I am in one, is the best arrangement.

The majority of my friends are married and have hubbies who pull their weight family/home care wise. My DH certainly does and I am the happiest I ever could be. So I guess it's just who you know.

I'm a very happy single mum - but it's because I'm not with my controlling ex any more!
I get a 'break' from my DS every few weeks for 2 nights as ex lives abroad.
I have all the responsibility, make all the decisions and deal with the behavioural issues of DS.
I agree that single parents with the set up OP describes must have a good life, but it's not that common in my experience. Good for them though!

My DP more than pulls his weight.
But most couples I know the woman does the majority, even if it is the thinking about dentists appointments/haircuts kind of thing.

I'm a single Mum, and have been for quite a while. It was fucking hard to begin with, but I mostly love it now. Ex spends more time with ds than he ever did, or would have if we were together. He certainly doesn't have him 50/50, but I wouldn't want him to either.
Life is made much easier by the fact my mum lives nearby.

One of the mum's at school said the other day that she envies single mum's and their freedom. I had to laugh. I told her that whilst I enjoy the limited time I get "off," there are certainly downsides such as only one income.

It isn't a life I would have chosen, but I really enjoy it. There is nothing worse than a shit partner/father who doesn't pull their weight. I am so much stronger and independent now.

Agree with op because that's me. The money side of things is another story but anyhow.

I read a study when I was at uni that single mothers spend a much larger proportion of their disposable income in their children. I can well believe it because I do.

I don't come across a huge amount of single mums at work (cp sw). There are some obviously who struggle for different reasons but I have far more mums who can't get rid of the horrible partner.

One of the mum's at school said the other day that she envies single mum's and their freedom.

Ha! My ex doesn't see the DCs at all. I don't get a break unless I pay for a babysitter. Precious money I can ill afford. As a result I have no free time to get a hobby or maintain a social life.

But I get the remote after 8pm. Maybe that's the freedom she means.

NoCry that is fucking hard. You are clearly Superwoman. School mum was of the opinion that most single mums get a break which as we all know is often not the case. I know plenty of women who do it all on their own.

haha yeah that must be it!

Don't know why that rogue apostrophe is there in mum's
Whoops.

Also my exh learned how to be a parent because he had to. There are issues a plenty but this last year he's managed a lot better and god forbid engaged the kids in an activity they do as a family that the kids really enjoy. Only took him 5 years!

I agree, and I'm one of those mums 💁🏻