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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the worst funeral behaviour you've seen?

356 replies

Fishface77 · 06/10/2017 22:47

I went to a funeral today.
open coffin at home.
People were filing past the coffin to pay their respects when someone decided they wanted to get to the crem in a hurry.
Cue pushing and shoving and the coffin almost fell of the stand. Saved by the mans wife!
Also random women wailing. Seriously no
Need.

OP posts:
Mombie2016 · 07/10/2017 07:08

A very close friend of mine was jeered by some builders when she was outside smoking. Along the lines of "look at that fat goth". We were burying her 6 week old DD. She didn't even register what they'd said but I did and I flew across the street at them.

Feckitall · 07/10/2017 07:09

MIL funeral here...DH and his 2 brothers airbrushed out of history. Her marriage to their father not mentioned. Only DH 'allowed' to attend as he was considered less likely to cause trouble. MIL praised as wonderful mother and grandmother when she had her 3 eldest removed by SS.
DH and I sat giggling at it.
The wake was funny as it was quite clear that friends and more distant family had no idea who DH was or of his existence.

Mombie2016 · 07/10/2017 07:09

It was obvious we were at a funeral I should add so the fuckers shouldn't have said anything.

SecretSmellies · 07/10/2017 07:12

My brother in law who is a gambler and a bit of a druggie refused to come and see MIL when she was ill in hospital for 5 weeks before she died. At the funeral he turned up with his venal and grasping girlfriend and could only talk about how much money might be in the estate and how quickly we could get the house sold.

Then he left the wake early, and we discovered that was so he could zip into MIL's house and he took a carriage clock and emptied the house safe where MIl (who distrusted banks) had kept alot of her savings.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/10/2017 07:15

Thanks NoKids. It was almost 3months ago now. I was in a right mess for a couple of months. It’s very hard to process that your sibling genuinely wants to do harm to you. Especially as mother puts it down to sibling rivalry Hmm. He’s golden child, I’m the scapegoat. The feelings of panic have largely subsided thank goodness. So getting there. Smile.

Yogagirl123 · 07/10/2017 07:15

Yes, funerals can bring out the worse in people. Their was a woman unknown to me at my aunts funeral, it was clear she was only interested in the food after the service, and kept asking where the grub was!

jaseyraex · 07/10/2017 07:23

Funerals definitely bring out some right twatty behaviour!

At my grandads funeral (my dads dad), my dad and my now stepmother were obviously there. Dad had only been with her about 6 months at this point. She started proper wailing and sobbing and saying how unfair it was and how lovely he was, she'd met my grandad once!

A friend from school died when we were 15 and at her funeral one of the boys from school turned up dressed in black (dress code was no black and wear something pink) he was absolutely pissed and started saying how she was better off dead and she was a slag anyway and a total bitch. Some of the other boys from school kicked the absolute crap out of him for it. Poor girls mum was horrified, as were most of us.

mathanxiety · 07/10/2017 07:24

"he's looking brave and well he is"

Complimenting the dead, including the appearance of the corpse, is part of a very old Irish tradition of keening the dead. Old Scottish customs associated with wakes also included compliments to the deceased.

Coconutspongexo · 07/10/2017 07:27

My 'Aunty' turned up to my Grandads funeral just before the church to tell him she's leaving him for someone else and won't be there when he gets home tonight so she had to leave their youngest with him (cousin was 4 at the time) classy of her.

Esspee · 07/10/2017 07:28

Taking photos at a funeral is a cultural thing. For some people it is the norm. I was asked for photos by my husband's family who live in the Caribbean and explained that it would be frowned upon. I did however take a photo a few hours after he died once I had bathed and dressed him as I knew it was important to them to see him. This thread has just reminded me I need to find those photos and destroy them as I think my boys would be very distressed to come across them when I die.

squiggleirl · 07/10/2017 07:28

Gosh loads. I am from a large Irish catholic family.

Yeah, nothing like the way an Irish Catholic can behave badly at a funeral.... Confused

darksideofthemooncup · 07/10/2017 07:32

My friend lost her baby to cot death. One of her other friends turned up to the funeral with her 6 month old baby. I appreciate that she may not have been able to get chiildcare but it was unbelievably insensitive in my opinion. (And yes my friend thought so too)

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 07/10/2017 07:39

I overheard my auntie approach her cousin at his mums funeral to ask if she could take back an ornament she had gifted her years ago. I was a teenager at the time so felt I couldn't say anything. Wish to fuck I did though.

Stormwhale · 07/10/2017 07:42

At my family members funeral another family member who had actually only just met the deceased was sobbing, gasping, wailing at full volume despite having no relationship to speak of with them. It just seemed to be attention seeking, and was just so unnecessary.

Bmimakesmecry · 07/10/2017 07:53

At the wake, one man went outside to look for his wife and found her up against a wall with another bloke's hand up her dress! Cue fight screaming and mayhem.

Expemsiveuniform · 07/10/2017 08:01

Ex mil taking family photos of her children and grandchildren (my DD and DS DD2 wasn’t born) with her father.

He was in the coffin at the time but she wanted a family photo of them all together.

RedBlu · 07/10/2017 08:10

At my grandads funeral several years ago, my aunt - his daughter - turned up uninvited. My grandparents had fallen out with her many years before and had nothing to do with her or her family. My aunt was fine with this, didn’t want anything to do with them.

Yet she and her family turned up to the funeral invited. At the wake, she basically made it all about her. She was laughing and joking with her family so loud it could be heard in every room. Even the vicar who was a family friend and attended the wake couldn’t believe the had the audacity to attend and act the way she did.

My Nan is now terminally ill and probably only has a few weeks left and once again my aunt has crawled out of the woodwork. My uncle is no better, hasn’t bothered to visit my Nan since my grandads funeral but is now faking concern! They don’t bother with me any other time, so why bother now!

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 07/10/2017 08:20

When DGM died, my DM and her sister were adamant that in the listing of her grandchildren, the four grandchildren and two great-grandchildren (my DSs) would be mentioned before her step-grandchild (a bit of tension there!)

However, the vicar managed to miss me out completely and add in step grandchild. I got the giggles. DM and Auntie were furious. DB then muttered 'Who had the bloody great-grandchildren then, cause it wasn't me' and our whole pew nearly disgraced itself

Shestolethewitchesredshoes · 07/10/2017 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/10/2017 09:08

A very confused vicar read my fathers eulogy - my mother was called his sister, I was called his uncle etc

It was painful to watch the vicar struggling. He shouldn't have been put in that position in the first instance.

I wonder if it was the same vicar EKL? (We are in the north east)

LittleCandle · 07/10/2017 09:19

I have been a church organist since the age of 16, so I have seen some horrendous behaviour in the thousands of funerals I have played for. The worst was probably the funeral of a child, who had been chronically ill for most of his short life. The father turned up drunk and stoned and at one point, we had to evacuate the room at the funeral parlour while the grandfather 'calmed' the father down. I believe it came to blows. That was also the funeral when the minister, in full robes, kept talking about 'the Christian myth' Hmm. As he was a Church of Scotland minister, and chaplain of the Sick Kids' hospital, that was very weird.

At the wake after DM's funeral, my DF went off on one of my friends because he thought the friend was hitting on me because he gave me a hug. DF was very socially inept and was annoyed that I refused to have him called the widower during the funeral service because he and DM had been divorced for quite a long time. Oh, and DF also accused me of trying it on with the minister who was doing the funeral service. DF was at my house when the minister (who I had known since childhood) came and gave me a hug.

The most awkward funeral I ever attended as a mourner had to be my BIL. I was separated from XH at the time, but he hadn't told people. Everyone wondered why I was there, but not sitting with the family at the front.

I have also, on occasion, turned up to play for a funeral and discovered that I could also have been a mourner. Very tough.

fc301 · 07/10/2017 09:22

My M was doing the eulogy at her Ms funeral.
Minutes before the papers went missing.
My F was adamant they would not be found, raced home, printed another and raced back again.
Fairly certain he did all this on purpose as he was pissed off my M had prioritised her own M during the last months of her life. This way he got to be the big hero centre stage.
I'm genuinely stunned any human being could behave this way.

treaclesoda · 07/10/2017 09:26

I was going to say that I've never seen poor behaviour at a funeral but actually a few years ago I attended a funeral for someone who was very well known in his field. There were hundreds of mourners and a tiny house, so we spilled out into the garden, then the garden filled up and it spread out down the road. And part way through the service some arse tried to drive through the middle of the mourners. And got all sweary when he was politely asked to turn back.

fc301 · 07/10/2017 09:28

On a lighter note when my DHs DGD (98) died there were only 7 of us so we went for a nice pub meal for the wake.
Sat down. It was 3 days before my birthday. MiL politely enquired "was I going out for my birthday?". No nothing special planned as yet.
"Well this could always do for your birthday"
It was a frigging wake!!
Didn't think much of it at the time but oh how we laughed the next day. To be fair she has gifted us a running joke we will laugh at for years bless her!

Notreallyarsed · 07/10/2017 09:32

My brother having behaved appallingly while Mum was dying, been a selfish and lazy arsehole throughout the whole traumatic experience, rocked up to her funeral in a scratty, dirty bomber jacket to carry her coffin despite Dad giving him £200 for a new suit which made me want to lose my shit.

He then invited all of his mates and sat at the purvey afterwards like Don Corleone making out he was something special instead of thanking people for coming, or checking on Dad.

The final straw came when I discovered his bellend of a pal had blocked our car in and I wanted to leave as DS1, who is autistic and despite asking to come was desperate to leave and becoming extremely distressed. So I asked the pal to move his car so I could get DS1 home. Brother smirked and told his pal “fuck her, let her wait.” Then proceeded to sit manspreading smugly thinking he was the bees knees. My face must have said it all because his pal shot out of the door to move his car, and my brother’s MIL came over and asked if I was ok. I’m glad she did, because if I hadn’t been medicated to get through the day I probably would have knocked him out.

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