Earlier this year my stepdad died. Sil and brother arrived at mother’s house just before the funeral with their ds. I’d organised with the vicar for dd to say something. I’m chronically ill (CFS/ME) so I didn’t know if I’d be well enough to speak and didn’t want to cause a scene by collapsing (dd was 8).
Brother decided the day before the funeral he also wanted to give a eulogy so he’d not had chance to ask the vicar. 5 mins after their arrival, sil announced that if the vicar didn’t allow my brother to speak, he’d have to speak in my dds place because “you must admit it’s more important for him to speak” and because I wouldn’t concede and said the vicar would be fine, she went on and on at me. I ended up walking away, gathering my thoughts, coming back and very clearly saying dd would be speaking as she was doing it on my behalf. Brother got upset and told me he was speaking on my behalf and read what he’d said etc. Yes, it was nice, thank you, but dd was speaking and I was sure it would also be fine for him. In the funeral car, sil wouldn’t shut up and made crappy comments. This is a woman, who very very rarely visited. I do not know if she or their 6 yo ds even saw stepdad once he went into the nursing home.
They asked my dh to come and collect them from the pub after he’d dropped my mother, aunt, dd and me off. Brother and sil kept dh waiting for an hour with no money, no phone and no drink then dumped their 6 yo ds onto dh to take back to the house after the wake. Very manipulative as she said to dh she was coming and once her ds was strapped in the car, she said she wasn’t. Just so they could get pissed. Think high functioning alcoholics. Dh had to leave to drive home for work the next day, so very ill me (after I’d collapsed at the wake) and my mother (grieving widow) had to take care of him. They returned 2 hours later, quite probably over the limit and drove home.
Mother wasn’t in any frame of mind to look after the boy and was entertaining a few family members. So his care was left to me and I had to watch their ds when he was outside as it was just beside a large, deep pond. Then when brother and sil returned, sil wasn’t happy because I’d told him to come inside after an hour of outside play and she ended up screaming at my dd, calling her manipulative. As I said, dd was 8 and doesn’t have a manipulative bone in her body btw.
At burial of stepdads ashes, sil didn’t come thank god. Brother said something shitty to my dh on the lines of “poor fucking you” for being married to me when dh said we were in the church where Dh and I got married. Then on the way back to the car, I was struggling to walk and running out of energy from ME/CFS. I made it to my brothers car and was leant on my hands on said car, unable to move and just managing to not collapse. He wanted me to press a button on his car to flip the seat forward and I repeatedly said couldn’t and he said I could.
After the third time, I said, ‘I’m disabled, I can’t’. He shouted at me ‘you're not disabled’, I them got cross and shouted back. He came round, leant heavily over me (he’s over 6’ and obese) and did it himself. By this stage, I was hanging on for dear life and could only whimper for him to get off, which he either couldn’t hear or ignored. He ordered my dd into his car, which I was aware of but couldn't speak by then so was unable to stop her.
He then drove off with me still attached. Predictably, I fell to the ground. He did it all very slowly so I imagine he was totally aware I was attached but expected me to let go. He stopped a couple of meters away. Dh was coming back to the car and got extremely angry. Brother shouted at my dh, “she’s dead to me”. Callous cunt at a burial. I still can’t believe his words.
We went home obviously instead of going out for a meal. My mother called me later in the day to ask if I was ok. By all accounts, he and my mother clearly had a fat chat about how I’m actually not that ill because I was able to shout at brother. She defended his actions as I shouted at him, so what did I expect. This is a man who’s pushed me over and threatened to “fucking deck” me because of my illness.
Poor dd witnessed the whole thing. She’s now petrified of her uncle and aunt. Needless to say, we are now NC.