To not punish DS?

[LoyaltyAndLobster]

DS6 was involved in an incident during lunch time at school today, in which he bent back another child’s finger. A little bit of a back story since starting the new term he has become more closer to another boy (lets just call him L) in his class that he wasn’t as close to before – about two weeks ago I noticed that his lunch box had been coming back more or less empty, he normally just drinks his drink and eats a little bit of the fruit I put in for him, 70% of the time his roll/sandwich comes back untouched but when it doesn’t come back I always ask did he eat it all, and his answer to that is always “just a little bit” cut a long story short – I found out that he has been “sharing” his word for giving, his lunch with L, which I am fine about, it is not an issue as the food he doesn’t eat only goes in the bin anyway, also a few times he has asked if he we have some popcorn/sweets that I can put in his lunch box “because L likes them” the school lunch policy is very strict and those kind of foods are forbidden.

At beginning of this week DS told me that he doesn’t want to share his food with L anymore because L doesn’t say please and just takes it without asking. In any other situation I would have spoken to his teacher about it, but I see it as a very embarrassing situation. I would never want to be confronted by anyone and told my child eating has been someone else’s lunch. Yes I understand that they’re children but there are certain boundaries that you don’t cross, and at age 6 a child should know that’s one of them. So I told DS that if it happens again he is to say "no" to L and tell the nearest member of staff.

When DP collected DS from school this afternoon he was told by his teacher what happened during lunch break and also that DS got pretty upset afterwards but wouldn’t tell any staff what happened. He told DP on the way home what happened and why he did it. Which was L he kept taking his food, and drinking DS drink first and drinking it all.

I am very disappointed in DS and I can say as his mother what he did was very spiteful, and if someone was to do the same thing to him I would be furious. But I have decided that am not going to punish him for what he did or even speak to him about what happened, because I don't want him to feel bad and also because the other child has been taking advantage out of him. Do you think AIBU?

@peachgreen - I really don’t understand why you have come back again to comment, I didn’t acknowledge your last comment which I thought would be enough!

“Demon” ok please go and play on someone else’s thread because you seem very bored, so bored that you have choosing to make things up.

I came back because you added new information (suddenly this child has been doing ‘other stuff’ to your son so that apparently makes everything okay).

I’m neither bored nor making things up - just concerned that rather than addressing the actual issue - that your son felt so helpless in this situation that he resorted to violence - you are continuing to embellish your story to try to justify his, and your, behaviour. I’m far from the only person saying this - you’re just choosing to ignore most of the critical responses.

The way you have spoken about this little boy on this thread is unkind and, I suspect, unfair. You can’t throw your toys out of the pram when somebody calls you on that.

He is 6 and already got told off at school. I would therefore not punish again but I think it is important you discuss what happened with him. He may well be confused, angry, scared, etc.. Talk it through, let him know that getting physical is not the answer and reassure him you will tell school about L taking his lunch so it won’t happen again. Then talk to school fgs. Don’t let your 6 yr old try and resolve this alone. You know it is an issue so man up and sort it for him!

@peachgreen - I added the new information early yesterday morning after I spoke to my child, which was way before you started commenting on my thread so therefore your last comment is irrelevant, how silly do you feel now? like I said before go and play with someone else, because now I am going to disregard you.

@Cath2907 - If you had read the whole of my thread you would have seen that I have spoke to my son and I will be speaking to his teacher tomorrow.

I really wish people would read through my thread before commenting.

You really do only read the bits you want to read, don’t you? Good grief.

Well, I can only hope that you’re getting so defensive because you realise you’ve behaved badly here, and that you take at least some of the useful advice you’ve been given (and largely ignored) on the thread to enable you to equip your son better to deal with situations like this in the future. Best of luck!

You really do only read the bits you want to read, don’t you? Good grief.

Well, I can only hope that you’re getting so defensive because you realise you’ve behaved badly here, and that you take at least some of the useful advice you’ve been given (and largely ignored) on the thread to enable you to equip your son better to deal with situations like this in the future. Best of luck!

How did you get on with the teacher?

Don't punish him. You left him to sort out a situation on his own at the age of 6. You should have stepped in. Being embarrassed is a ridiculous excuse. Stand up for your son next time. This situation is your fault.

I have spoken to his teacher, she said that she is going to speak to both boys together at some point on the day. In regards to the lunch situation she that school can offer support when it comes to trying new foods, she suggested (like someone else here did) that I should have a think about not sending him with pack lunch and let him start having school lunches as it could be the first step of him trying food outside of home, I think she is right but I don’t want to force DS into something he doesn’t want to do.

If I were the parent of the other boy I'd hope the school would tell me what he'd been doing. As I said before he may be on a restricted diet for medical reasons.
Finger bending really does sounds as if OP's DS was simply trying to get the other boy's fingers off his lunchbox.