Parents who think rules don't apply to them

[mintinbox]

Just went to the harvest festival assembly at primary school where my kid was performing. The whole school was.

Announcement at the beginning no photographs or filming please turn your phone off.

Smug bitch in the second row filming the whole thing on her phone. A woman in front of her was caught taking a photograph and told not to by a member of staff (not made to delete it though) and said "oh I didn't know" of course you knew.

I have reasons for my child to be on social media with her school name attached and I'm sure I'm not the only one in the country who feels this way either.

Of course I didn't say anything to the filming mother as my child could be in a class with hers for years and so frictions are best avoided

I'm absolutely raging though.

Would i be ur to not allow my child to ever participate in school assembly's plays or anything like this again because of some selfish ignorant twat?

"In that I can't be arsed to go up and retread your post several times copy and paste etc like you could. How odd."

Not really. People do it on here all the time. Copy and paste is pretty easy. If you're on a phone or tablet you press and hold. On a laptop you use ctrl c and then ctrl v. Try it some time

Being against that stupid rule doesn't mean that I ignore blatantly ignore it, why do people assume that having an opinion mean you are acting without any respect or ignoring the rule? Aren't we allowed to express an opinion any more?

I would just point out that a teacher, a mother who is feeling bad enough to have to work full time, and plenty others will never see any of their children perform. The majority of teachers do not take sickies to see their own kids, others cannot afford to take a day off. Some mums are in hospitals which makes life pretty shit for their children, and they feel even worst that she hasn't seen them perform.

Yes, that's life, it sucks, too bad for them. You could at least show a little bit of understanding of what it feels to be on their side.

OP Would this parent know your reasons? If so could you calmly talk to them tomorrow and reiterate the importance of it not being shared on social media? If not then I would ask the head to speak to them, saying they're aware they filmed it, there's a child ( possibly more) in the school who it could be very dangerous for, and could they ensure it's not shared, that if they ignore the rules again they will not be allowed to watch future events etc. You might need to be v strong to the head about this, but hopefully they will be v happy to speak to the parent involved.

at my dds last school it was clear that you could take photos but could not share on social media if any other child was in shot. opportunity at end for photo of kid in costume.
how it was policed i dont know. i was careful and followed the rules cos i have a brain.
one idiot put class photo and names up. i know numerous people reported it to the head and it was off by 9 the following day.

i do think that they should absolutely enforce no filming. when oldest dd was of primary age you were not allowed to film and a video company came in and did a video with careful editing around those not to be included ( i think the teachers had them at one side of the stage). it paid for itself.

Anyone trying to equate someone's safety with the freedom to take a photo or video is bonkers.

Many years ago I worked in further education, and this was pre-Data Protection Act. A mature student was murdered on the premises by an ex she had fled from all because he rang the college and someone confirmed she was a student there.

I remember her every time people whine on about privacy issues.

Our sons school has a parent whos a photograher she takes photos and makes sure each child has a individual one.
The ones who have allowed like us let the school put them online or on the school blog where we can copy them from.

The reason parents cannot take the photos themselves is there are quite a few child in care and there photos will not appear online at all for their safety. Noone at my sons school has broke this rule as far as i am aware.
Theres less than 60 students for primary and secondary.

My DD isnt on social media for protection issues with her father, i would be really bloody cross if i spent 5 years protecting her from that for someone else to plaster her everywhere just so granny can see or some bullshit.
BUT i also agree that its rubbish people cant take pics of their children anymore.
I think unless there was a way to ensure no pictures got onto social media that a ban is the only way.

"You on the other hand seem more interested in being right, and enjoying your righteous indignation, than actually trying to understand the problem and trying to fix it.

Well if I'd watched someone breaking rules in a way which could cause harm to my child I'd be pretty hacked off. As the parent of a child who shouldn't be filmed the OP understands the problem very well.

The school has 'fixed' the problem by banning filming but parents who think that rules don't apply to them ignore it. Or are you proposing schools frisk parents and remove all devices as they enter the room? I can't think what else the school or OP can do frankly."

Look, I agree that people should not be able to put these photos on social media. And I take the point that it is easier for the school to police any and all photography. So that is probably best.

What I disagree with is the "it doesn't matter why, those are the rules" attitude, when it would be really simple for someone from the school to get up before the performance and explain why the rule exists.

I do think the school should enforce the rule too, I agree with the OP about this.

Clearly I have been lumped in with the "I'll take photos if I want to!" crowd, which is incorrect. I just think, as I said, that the focus should be on trying to fix the problem rather than just being angry about it, because it will keep happening unless a change is made.

I just think it's unhelpful to

To be clear it was a staff member in the registry who confirmed, not a random person.

At DS' school the HT used to stand in front of parent audiences and ask if anyone had an objection to parents taking photos. Because you were going to be thrilled to publicly identify yourself as that parent who stopped everyone else wielding their ipad.

"Being against that stupid rule doesn't mean that I ignore blatantly ignore it, why do people assume that having an opinion mean you are acting without any respect or ignoring the rule? Aren't we allowed to express an opinion any more?

I would just point out that a teacher, a mother who is feeling bad enough to have to work full time, and plenty others will never see any of their children perform. The majority of teachers do not take sickies to see their own kids, others cannot afford to take a day off. Some mums are in hospitals which makes life pretty shit for their children, and they feel even worst that she hasn't seen them perform.

Yes, that's life, it sucks, too bad for them. You could at least show a little bit of understanding of what it feels to be on their side."

Yes, it does suck and I don't think anyone would argue with you there. But when it's a genuine child safety issue then unfortunately that is what has to happen. Like children having to not see their grandparents anymore because they've been taken into witness protection. Poor grandparents yes, but who would you prioritise? Vulnerable child or the adults?

I don't think anyone is arguing that it's an ideal outcome for everyone when photography is banned. It is just the least dangerous option for some children who are at risk. Not great, as people don't get their nice photos but, harsh as it may sound, I can live with that tbh. Putting a child at risk not so much.

...Sorry. I think it's unhelpful to assume all of these people are being intentionally harmful, when the fact is that most of them simply don't understand the rule.

Explain it. If people still ignore it, and post on social media, then yes they are extremely irresponsible.

I do think the photographer idea is a good one. Ie a photo of each child in their costume, and ideally one on stage as well.

you were not allowed to film and a video company came in and did a video with careful editing around those not to be included

now this is a good solution. Offering alternatives is more successful than ranting, surely.

If there is a special circumstance to record then ask the schools permission. Schools can be pretty reasonable. The issue is not with the good reasons for needing a recording (which could be done for a parent in hospital for example), it is I believe with the "it's my right" to record/take photos & post on social media.

There are those who don't get two hoots & have an entitlement to act as they please, for no good reason other than they don't want the individual photo, they want to record what they please and do with it however they please - regardless and to spite any safeguarding concerns.

Putting another child's life in danger because you want a film of your DC to splash on Facebook is shitty - no matter how you try to justify it.

I find threads like these really depressing.

MN generally is normally so hot on thinking whether people might have differing needs that means exceptions to normal rules of behaviour or whatever might apply.

But yet, whenever it comes to photos in schools the (in my view) selfish brigade come out.

If the parent body could be trusted not to post on social media, most schools would probably allow photos/videos of school events.

But selfish individuals think they know best and do upload stuff.

This leads to schools deciding they need to do outright bans.

You know what? I'd love (in theory) to be able to post things pictures of my (adopted) children. But then birth family members might well come across / search and find them. Especially with image searches that can be done these days.

And to the posters saying that my children should be withdrawn from events so you can film yours?? My children have had enough being and feeling different in their lives. They have been through stuff no child should have to go through. And you want to take away the normality of being in a school play? HOW SELFISH CAN YOU BE?

You could at least show a little bit of understanding of what it feels to be on their side.
That takes the bloody biscuit, that does. I've been the sick mum who can't get to the school, and I know several children who could be endangered by flouting this kind of rule. Guess who I think has the shittier end of the stick?

No one is saying that it doesnt suck to miss this stuff. But you know what? The world doesnt end.

My bitch boss refused to give me the morning off when DS was Joseph. She knew how much it meant to me but refused to change her mind and I missed it. Nothing I could do. I will always harbour resentment about it against her, but I have accepted that we dont always get to see everything that we want to and that my want to see him doesnt trump another childs need to be kept safe.

"And to the posters saying that my children should be withdrawn from events so you can film yours?? My children have had enough being and feeling different in their lives. They have been through stuff no child should have to go through. And you want to take away the normality of being in a school play? HOW SELFISH CAN YOU BE?"

I completely agree with this. There's a really particular attitude that's essentially "don't like it, go away" but things are never that simple.

If you have trouble getting some parents to understand, you can always ask them to at least watch kindergarten cop (old movie before smart phone exist):

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindergarten_Cop

Maybe that will be obvious. I do understand both side of the party, but in the end, the child’s safety is more important

I find in my dcs school unless you are on the front row (reserved for pta) all you EVER see is a child 2 foot tall then mine in front of them picking their nose.
The say we can take photos and videos but not share them on social media (which someone does then tags the whole class)

Go back to just having 1 class performing at a time then everyone can have a clear view of their own child and give parents time to take pics.

If there are looked after children at the school (fostered or adopted) then filming them is against the law I believe. And you wouldn’t know who’ve they are as it is confidential

Guess who I think has the shittier end of the stick?

Why does it have to be a competition, I was trying to tell you that parents who do not approve the rules have valid reasons also (it doesn't mean that they don't follow the rule btw!!!), and the compromise of a carefully edited school video is a great one.

Wishing that someone could see their kids does not mean anyone wants to endanger other children.

being so argumentative and rude puts people off, it doesn't convince them you know.

Sunnyjac Don't think so.

Nothing worse than selfish twats holding up phones and tablets recording the performance, why not just watch it? As for those saying children who cannot be filmed should be pulled out................shame on you

If you are the type of idiot parent that ignores the feelings of others and films despite requests otherwise, how can you be trusted not to put them on social media?

This ^^

FWIW I agree with DeadGood about the rule at least being explained, but with the "I couldn't care less" type of parent it's not going to make the least difference - they want what they want, they expect to get it and to hell with anyone else

My local school doesn't have this problem any more because anyone flouting the (clearly stated) request is simply banned from future performances. The selfish raised hell of course, but by god it worked