Parents who think rules don't apply to them

[mintinbox]

Just went to the harvest festival assembly at primary school where my kid was performing. The whole school was.

Announcement at the beginning no photographs or filming please turn your phone off.

Smug bitch in the second row filming the whole thing on her phone. A woman in front of her was caught taking a photograph and told not to by a member of staff (not made to delete it though) and said "oh I didn't know" of course you knew.

I have reasons for my child to be on social media with her school name attached and I'm sure I'm not the only one in the country who feels this way either.

Of course I didn't say anything to the filming mother as my child could be in a class with hers for years and so frictions are best avoided

I'm absolutely raging though.

Would i be ur to not allow my child to ever participate in school assembly's plays or anything like this again because of some selfish ignorant twat?

Interestingly DH did a big schools event today and quite a few of the kids had "no photos" stickers on
I have to assume that the bulk of those were parental choice, consent form
but actually a cool way to hide the ones who HAVE to be hidden

minipie
I am genuinely surprised that schools were not already doing this
but yes
it should be standard to say the "at some times"
because in many cases - due to selfish fuckwits - the kids change schools a lot of times

minipie
I think that would be a good thing to say, I also think they need to be a tad more explicit.
Something including "children could be at risk of abuse, abduction or worse".

It should be sent out as an email termly and as a hand out too. Along with that a statement should be made before every performance with the addition "please feel free to leave now before the children enter the room if you feel you cannot comply with this. Legal cases may be brought individually by both the school, social services and the parents or carers. Social media is not nearly as private as you might think, even on the tightest restrictions."

Maybe some schools already do give this kind of explanation? but not the ones my DC have been at, they have just said "no photos please" or "no photos on social media please"

Ta1kin -
were the kids wearing a sticker on them saying no photos?
were photos allowed to be taken by parents generally?

just wondering...figuring out how that system works, and the ethics of labelling kids, and also the danger of pointing out 'oh this kid cant have pics taken'....look at me!!!

(I need to figure out a system to propose to school for younger sibling not yet started)

brie
you are right .... it needs to be more explicit

at DCs school there was a "stranger danger" panic because an old guy kept hanging around at kicking out time
myself and another governor persuaded the head to go talk to him before calling the police
turned out he was a (genuinely) estranged grandparent
it all cooled down

BUT
for the safety ones, yes, schools should explain WHY they have the rules
because a bit of honesty might get more parents to feel empathy

Patronising and sneers posts aside,
I fully understand the situations some of you have spoken about and how heartbreaking it is.
But, the general public, and strangers cannot all be held responsible for the safety of other people's children at all times. Though Of course, nobody would knowingly endanger a child.
I think the no posting on social media is a good idea, but I don't think it's entitled or selfish for parents to want to capture important memories from their children's childhood.
There must be a balance, people should not have to alter what they do with their own children to accommodate other people's situations. Equally children should not miss out, and risk to children should be minimised.
In the situations described though, it sounds that there will always be a risk which needs to be managed by parents and other services. How, for example, do you stop the child being in the background of a photo taken in a park or public space?

How, for example, do you stop the child being in the background of a photo taken in a park or public space?
constant exhausting awareness
and blank coats over school uniforms

you selfish, selfish person

But it's "accommodating" a situation where a child could be killed or abducted.
How, how could you not think "well there but for the grace of God go I" and comply with the rules and not put a small life in such danger?

Honestly, I don't get it.

we don't wear school uniform or clothing with club logos to public places

If I see parents taking photos I call my children to me and we go play in a different area

if people are really being OTT with the camera, we do ask them to stop for a while so my DC can play. most people say sure no problem when we say 'we wont' be long on the swing, then we'll go over there so you can photograph your snowflake without mine getting in the shot' big smile....no biggie

otherwise, genuine background of X zoo miles away from where we live....we try to relax and not let it spoil our day....much like you do I guess

You are no worse off not having a photo of your child as Mary. Another parent would be far, far, far worse off with a dead child because someone flouted the rules.

I accommodate other parents all the time, in the hope that they'll in turn, accommodate me

its called being human

the general public, and strangers cannot all be held responsible for the safety of other people's children at all times

This is perfectly true, but what they can be responsible for is their own behaviour ... which will hopefully mean respecting a request from someone who's in a position to know when children could genuinely be in danger

A school is meant to be a safe place for all children. It is not the street.

To be fair I had no real idea of the why no photos until I did some volunteer work at a school (many moons ago), it opened my eyes to the why. I find it slightly disparaging that despite the real stories of the why on this board, there are those who still view it as a dreadful inconvenience/slight to their rights to taking endless photos of their darling Mildred. Education is for all, and a school is meant to be a safe place for all children. Your right to take whatever photos you want does not trump the right of a child to a full and safe education.

Oh grow the hell up. Ok, the staff may have said that parents weren't allowed to film but really, does it have anything to do with you and affect your enjoyment of your own child's performance. Personally, I think it's absolute bollocks that as a parent I'm told not to film my child in a play so I do it anyway. I want to document as much of my child's life as possible, including school, and no one is going to tell me otherwise.

It's health and safety gone mad. Personally I couldn't give two hoots of another parent catches my ds on film whilst filming their own child at our school play. My ds is fully dressed, not placed in an inappropriate position and is just as "at risk" as all children are.

These posts are shocking.
Im not going to pile on, but i hope if you're not being a gf that you read these replies and take them in, really read them.
It's nothing to do with 'health and safety' but to protect kids (and their families) lives.
It's ok to not know why it was important to begin with, ( it's not always obvious to people who don't live it) but don't remain in the dark.

*she has removed kids from their parents and believes people may want to harm them. I genuinely feel sorry for the kid. No one knows what he looks like.

What a fucking enraging attitude

You don't think that maybe as a social worker she has had some serious and credible threats against her and her family, and possibly is being advised by the police as to how to protect herself.

yeah, I thought that too PashPash. Here's a social worker who may have genuine reasons to feel at real danger, and she's got parents sneering at her and pitying her child because he's not plastered over social media.

Honestly, how many people actually go back and look at those videos after about two days?

My DB's school had it so you could not film or take pictures, but they provided official photos and clips of your child in dress rehearsal. These were cropped so at risk children were not visible, and those children were taken out of the dress rehearsal for the ten minutes or so it took. Much easier and you could hear what the children were actually saying, where it gets lost amongst parents whispering, clapping, kids forgetting their lines in the actual play.

How, for example, do you stop the child being in the background of a photo taken in a park or public space?

It's really simple, I don't get why people have such a problem with grasping it.
I photograph my kids in the park and sometimes upload them to Facebook. "Having fun at the park" type thing. I always make sure there's no-one else in the shot though, I wouldn't dream of uploading others kids. It's just self awareness and consideration.
It's not always about there being a genuine need and dangerous if they're on social media (although obviously this is a genuine concern for some) - sometimes it's just the fact that some parents don't want their children online, which is absolutely their prerogative.
It's called being a considerate and nice human being.

I filmed DS yesterday but haven't put it on FB as another child is in video. I also filmed DS' best friend as his mum wasn't there. I sent it her, she's made up. A blanket ban is ridiculous

I can totally understand people's disappointment at not being able to film or photograph. But it just can't compare to what some people are going through.

I'm a drama teacher and find the most effective way of keeping 'no photo' children safe is to provide as much as possible for the parents so they don't feel the need to break the rules. We always have an official DVD and hundreds of action and posed shots are taken at dress rehearsals then vetted. Parents can access the photos for free and purchase the DVDs at cost. They can also take as many pictures of their own and their friends' children as they like at the end of shows.

Having said that, my programme note is a bit wishy washy. It's supposed to be guilt trippy/passive aggressive but I don't think it really works. It says something like:
'We ask that you refrain from taking photos or filming during this performance for child protection reasons. If you really feel unable to comply with this request it is very important that no images of our children are posted to social media or elsewhere on the internet.'

How many time have you watched your graduation video, or a video of you in a school play if you're young enough for camcorders to have been commonplace? How many of your relatives cherish these films and watch them, ever

I watch mine They fascinate me. I have most performances I've ever done from age 3 to quite recently carefully hoarded away. Plus some home videos of family stuff. None of my relatives would ever want to watch them to be fair though. Nor could they have known when they bought/filmed the various shows that I would be so interested. I find it grounding somehow - I have issues around memory, reality, time passing etc and seeing myself age in these videos is both reassuring and entertaining.

Manic I think that "if you feel you are unable to comply" part will just just encourage people. Would the school agree to change it to "if you feel you are unable to comply with this rule then we ask you leave before the performance starts, as images of vulnerable children (even partial) could lead to them being put at risk of very real harm."

I think school's need to start being a bit more proactive about this. It's natural for parent's to want photos/videos, and often people really just don't understand things outside of the scope of their own experiences, like the risk that a child could be at because Bobby's mum puts up a picture of Bobby with Johnny in the background. Whilst you should just be able to say 'don't film', unfortunately, even as this thread has shown, some people are so wrapped up in getting every moment on camera that they can't see past the end of their own noses. So school's need to provide a viable alternative.

Like manic's school, we get all of our productions, sports days, etc taped and photographed. One of the dad's is a wedding photo/videographer, so he brings his whole team in, and the quality is far, far beyond what anyone is ever going to get from down an iPhone. People can download from the internet for free, or he charges $5 (aussie dollars) for a DVD and $2 for a printed photograph. He sits down with one of the staff when the video and photos are edited to make sure none of the children who can't be filmed don't get shown. There is no point in bothering to video/photograph because the quality that he does is so good, and doesn't even cost. Quite honestly, I'd be happy to pay even more for what he produces.

the general public, and strangers cannot all be held responsible for the safety of other people's children at all times

People who have children in the same school aren't "general public" or "strangers" and actually yes, as a school community I do think the onus is on everyone to protect the more vulnerable

We were made to sign a form allowing photos of our children to be used by the school, but it transpired DS's teacher actually posts them on her official Twitter feed.

I post photos of him so I don't mind (I have a protection issue but since I've been sort of publicised before for various reasons, I just make sure I'm not linked to my specific location), but it wasn't made clear that they'd actually be putting them up on social media themselves

Whilst you should just be able to say 'don't film', unfortunately, even as this thread has shown, some people are so wrapped up in getting every moment on camera that they can't see past the end of their own noses. So school's need to provide a viable alternative

I absolutely get this point, but I also think there's only so much running around which schools should be expected to do. As we've seen on here, those with common sense will use it anyway but it's never going to make any difference to those who've got to have their own way at all times no matter what

Wouldn't it be easier to just take our local school's approach (which as I mentioned has worked very well): ask politely along with a clear explanation, warn once if ignored and then ban from future events if it happens again