AIBU or was this mum's reaction completely out of order?

[Mummamia123]

Hi, just looking for some perspective on this. My son who is 2 1/2 is quite boisterous when he plays, he's got no malice in him bless him, but he can be a bit rough when playing! He loves playing tag with other children and but is too young to realise that others don't always understand the game and can be upset and think he's pushing. Recently while at our local baby group this 'tag' obsession ended up in him pushing another child twice. The first time I immediately told him not to push, then apologised to his mother whilst also looking after my young baby. The second time I was watching from across the room (again with my young baby) sprinted across to handle the situation, however the mother's instant reaction was to angrily shout "WHERE'S HIS MOTHER?" Before storming off with "That's the second time that's happened!". The group isn't that large so her aggressive response caused the whole room to stop! I again immediately apologised and told my son we were going home. Am I wrong or was her reaction completely inappropriate for a situation concerning toddlers? I've lost count of the amount of times my son has been pushed by other children, had toys snatched from him, etc and not once did I react like that! Just hoping I suppose that I'm not alone in thinking that we've all got to expect a certain amount of roughness in play and misunderstandings with babies. I would understand more if he were older but even then I'd expect the parent in question to quietly take me to one side and chat about it, not try to publicly parent-shame! Would love to hear some thoughts on this. Also, should I talk to the mum about it the next time I see her? Or stop my son from playing with her child? Help would be much appreciated ❤️

Her reaction was OTT but without being there, it's difficult to know if you're one of 'those parents' that sits back while your kid creates merry hell.

You need to tell him not to play tag, and not indoors and not with kids that haven't agreed they're already playing!

I do think that if your son tends to play roughly or to push (tag) then you need to be close to him.

Even if you do have a baby.

You need to shadow him a bit more OP.

Also, as much as I try I think it's completely impossible to prempt your child doing anything that may be considered antisocial at all times.

It is but you have said yourself that your son is boisterous and likes to play a game that involves pushing so I do think you could have kept a closer eye on him to prevent this... I also don't think he's too young for a discussion about "games are only fun if everyone is enjoying them" You need to stop him playing "tag" if he can't do it without hurting others.
I do think that the other mum was over-reacting by shouting but she's within her rights to be annoyed, IMHO.

I suppose she could have been trying to stop her child being the target of yours? I mean once is fine in any given encounter but it soons starts to feel very personal when the same two children have the same negative encounter. One parents roughness in play is another's bullying.

I think you were U for not keeping him in check after the first instance so not sure if she was U for calling out after the second.

Hi, just to say I appreciate the comments, but can we keep it without the nasitiness please - no need! We're all doing our best as parents. And if you read the post I WAS SUPERVISING MY CHILD. The room is really small so when i say I was across the room I mean two strides. He and several other children were running and playing tag - this boy apparently wasn't! Sorry I should have flagged that up before ❤️

I can see both sides but I think you are being unreasonable allowing a child to play tag in a toddler group? It's a outside game and also for older ones, someone was bound to get hurt if he's chasing round. Keep play like that for the park with his friends. I have lost count over the years of how many times I've had to watch someone else's spirited child it's very annoying when you have several of your own to supervise

In your own words your child is "boisterous" and "can be a bit rough"

Sorry, but to any other parent, that means your toddler is a nightmare.

Yes, he's 2.5. Yes, he has no malice. But the other 2.5 year olds don't deserve to be at the receiving end.

Of course you're watching him- he's too little not to. But you need to start putting consequences in. He pushes, he goes home. End of.

You were supervising him....in that you were watching him running anfd pushing people in a very small room!
Letting a "boisterous and rough" toddler play tag in a small playgroup venue is totally out of order. I wouldn't have shouted but I would have tutted loudly at you! YABVU.

I think we would have to be there to actually see what really happened, but I can see both sides. I've seen mothers totally overreact, but truthfully I have witnessed FAR more terribly behaved children who were not properly looked after by their parents. I also think many parents are love blind to their children's behaviour and just don't or won't acknowledge that their little bundle of joy is a terror to other people.

My son who is 2 1/2 is quite boisterous when he plays, he's got no malice in him bless him, but he can be a bit rough when playing!

What maybe be a "bit rough" to you may be totally unacceptable to others. I know I never tolerated rough play from my kids when they were little. It's just not acceptable and others could be hurt, and when playing amongst a group, children need to learn to take everyone into consideration.

She didn't parent-shame. She asked where his mother was. Perfectly valid response to what, if I have your OP right, she believed to be an unsupervised child who'd just pushed her kid over twice in quick succession.

I am not saying that your DS is like this. But there is a child in DSs class who is forever rough with all the children, their mum describes them as boisterous, 'and a bit rough too'. The last person they were a bit rough with went home early with a broken arm.

I don't think you need to stop him from playing with the other child, you do need to reinforce the rules of what's okay and not okay too though.

I have an acquaintance who's DS is extremely rough with anyone who's daft enough to play rough back with him. But then complains when someone hurts him in the rough play.

Don't be that parent.

I have reacted like the other mother and as with your situation, the mother of the rough child was on the other side of the room not supervising. My child couldn't even walk and was run over twice with a walker - I even moved my child to the other side of the room and it happened again

If the room is as you described then it's far too small for him to be playing tag in. I'd have been very annoyed.

Ffs, who are you people that have 2 year olds who have never accidentally used too much force with another child in play? Do you all shit roses too?
OP it’s normal you are normal, your child is normal not ‘spirited’ 🙄 and the other mother is clearly one of those PFB parents who needs to get real.

No sure if you would have considered this better or worse, but the second time it happened I would have probably told your toddler off.

You can’t shadow a 2 yr old who is running around a room with other kids the other parents would think you are nuts. YOu do need to get a handle on him though op and try some strategies to get him to calm down a little. But she definitely over reacted when you were trying to deal with it.

Either the other mum is a bit dramatic or your son pushed him harder than you think.
Try not to overthink it but keep a close eye on his boisterousness at home and when out at play groups.

Ffs, who are you people that have 2 year olds who have never accidentally used too much force with another child in play? Do you all shit roses too?

Another one with a "boisterous" child?

Of course they do, which is why you stop them doing it again. And you don't let then run riot hurting other kids.

I don't believe in this - he's too young - I have a 1 year old that im teaching not to be rough with the dog (who loves him to bits). If a 1 YO can learn, whats the problem with yours not being able to learn?

And if you read the post I WAS SUPERVISING MY CHILD

Sorry but you weren't. You said you were the other side of the room. No matter how small the room is.

A child that you describe as boisterous and a bit rough sometimes needs supervising closely. This means hovering over him and repeating the rules until he gets it.

My DS has ASD & ADHd and I literally have to helicopter parent with him in group situations. I wouldn't be supervising him appropriately otherwise.

Maybe you should get him a t shirt that says, " sorry, I am boisterous and a bit rough, but without malice " then the parents of children who have been pushed over twice will be a bit more understanding as they comfort their upset children, because being pushed over when it is without malice hurts a lot less than being pushed over with malice.

That was unfair of her. She knew you were his mother as well so no need to shout that out.
That being said, my daughter went through a rough patch and during those few months I had to be by her side. It would be best to get a carrier for your baby and make sure you are near your 2 year old until they outgrow the phase.

Mummamia123 the only unreasonable thing you've done is post in AIBU IMO.

This place is full of people who just want to have a go. You can't win.

Of course the mum overreacted. You weren't on your phone ignoring your child our out the room, you were tending to your other child. You noticed and intervened. What more can you do?

And as for people saying kids shouldn't run about - wft?

2.5 is old enough to know not to push other children. The way you talk about him makes him sound more like 18m. If you know he plays roughly, you need to hover about him and expect others to get cross at their children being pushed.

That was unfair of her. She knew you were his mother as well so no need to shout that out

It was a more polite way of saying "you, sort your fucking kid out!"