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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driveway wars - picture/diagram included

179 replies

woolythoughts · 05/10/2017 15:05

I don't thin IABU to want to do something but I have no idea what.

We share a drive way with a neighbour - basically he has to drive over our drive to get to his. When we block paved the drive we actually paid for his to be done as well in order that it looked aesthetically pleasing otherwise his would have been left as tarmac since he's a tight git who wont spend a penny he doesn't have to.

Anyway, the issue is we've been having quite a lot of work done over the last couple of years since we moved in - getting the house done how we want. This has meant quite a lot of deliveries and workers at the house at various times. Works have included:
converting the garage to a utility room
Landscaping and installing a pond in the garden
new kitchen
new bathrooms (three of them)
New bedrooms

Basically the whole house has been redone. I'm only saying this so that I can acknowledge that we have had a lot of workmen to and from the house. which I know can be annoying but we've tried to be as respectful as possible and haven't had anything done evenings, mornings or weekends.

The diagram shows the drives. When we are both at home, there are two cars on the drive (satellite image must have been when one of us was out) hence I've put the second car on the drive as a block.

We've always said, if there was ever a van or delivery blocking his exit, just to let us know and we'd get it moved so he could get out. Where possible, they park up tight to the fence opposite or where the second car would be but obviously cant if the second car is there or they have a big van.

Last couple of months, EVERY time we have something being delivered or someone working, he storms out of the house and says "I need to get off my drive now, please move".

it is literally EVERY time. I don't believe for one minute he's not doing this on purpose. Not sure if its jealousy as he always comments about "not another project", or "we can't afford that, we're retired" blah blah blah.

When you speak to his face to face he's nice as pie and claims he has no issues yet the next time someone is at the house, he kicks off again. The window cleaner pulled up this morning and 30 seconds after he got out the van, neighbour insists he has to leave RIGHT NOW.

I don't want to fall out, but its getting ridiculous.

Driveway wars - picture/diagram included
OP posts:
BlueSapp · 06/10/2017 12:06

Why do'nt you park you cars further down the street for when you are having work done so that work men delivery men etc can just park outside your house.

That way the only people inconvenienced are you, and thats ok your reaping the benefits of that inconvenience.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 06/10/2017 12:15

I'd have tried to negotiate with NDN that when work was to take place, I parked on his drive so that I was the one blocked in and he could have my space nearest the road so he had free access in and out as he needed. So long as that suited him of course.

MrsPawsitive · 06/10/2017 18:32

Thanks for the garage clarification, OP. The shared driveway is inherently a blurring of boundaries. You don't necessarily realize how aggravating it will be when you first buy such a property. This "feature" is often true of residences from an earlier time when people generally owned fewer and less substantial vehicles. If your neighbor has ROW then your driveway is similar to a small private road that you both share. It was always going to be a potential source of stress even if you owned just one small coupe. Extensive renovating at the same time you are occupying a home is extra added stress but you really can't make that your neighbor's problem, can you? In your situation, I would rise to the challenge and try to be a kinder, gentler neighbor for the sake of long-term harmony.

DarthMaiden · 06/10/2017 21:52

The fact you have big cars that won’t fit in a garage - which sounds as if it’s been converted and hence no long a garage - isn’t your neighbours problem.

They key here is you seem to view the shared access space as a “delivery area” that you can thus legitimately utilise.

However it’s not, it’s access space that needs to be kept clear. If you have made choices that means you have “lost” parking options it’s not up to your neighbour to pay the price for that - it’s up to you, by moving your cars to allow parking for tradespeople.

If that means parking your car(s) 5 mins away then so be it. You seem happy enough to waste 5 mins of your neighbours time pfaffing about getting his car out - but not empathetic enough to realise it’s you who need to be inconvenienced as the originator of the issue.

BusyBeez99 · 06/10/2017 21:55

YABU

TheEmmaDilemma · 06/10/2017 21:59

Wow. Just wow.

HouseworkIsAPain · 06/10/2017 22:12

Ooh I have a CF like you on our road. I live at the end of a cul de sac and the CF neighbour has been having work done on his house for a year now and regularly blocks the road for deliveries.

The first few times - it was a pain waiting but ok. The next few times - really annoying, why should I have to get out of the car and ask them to move and then wait around for it?

Now - so so so so annoying. Why the fuck can’t they not block people, by moving THEIR car down the road, to give THEIR delivery drivers / builders a space to park that does not block half the residents getting in and out of the road?

I can well see why your neighbour is annoyed, it just drips and drips until you get so fed up that even the sight of a delivery or builders van is enough to wind you up.

DO3271 · 06/10/2017 22:13

It gets worse. I don't think you will see that YABU.

BlondeB83 · 06/10/2017 23:26

YABU, he has right of access. Your delivery drivers should park elsewhere.

Jaxhog · 06/10/2017 23:33

YABU!!

Been there (in your neighbours position), and it can be bl*y irritating to have all sorts of random people parking and occasionally blocking your shared drive. It's pretty stressful not to know whether you'll be able to get in and out, so you tend to try and make sure you can i.e. by asking people to move as soon as they block the access. I got boxed in more times than I can remember, because someone would 'only be a minute', but then make me wait as long as 20 minutes. I swore I would never share a drive again, and I haven't.

MaryMcCarthy · 09/10/2017 10:10

The poor bloke sounds at the end of his tether while you sound arrogant, inconsiderate and entitled as hell.

You shouldn't have to persistently ask people permission to leave your own house.

Jaxhog · 09/10/2017 11:07

I would really hate to be your neighbour.

What if your neighbour doesn't like block paving? It isn't to everyone's taste. I bet you didn't discuss it with them before you decided to do it, but just told them what their choices (your choices were) as you were doing it.

Why buy a house with a garage that is so small you have to park your large cars on a shared drive? It's a drive, not a car park!

If you can afford to do all this work and piss your neighbour off, over two years (two years!!) Why didn't you buy a house with an unshared drive and inconvenience only yourself.

Yep, if I was your neighbour, I would be doing at least what they're doing to inconveniehce YOU as much as I could.

Firesuit · 09/10/2017 11:15

It seems silly to pay for paving his side then not seal it. Doesn't not sealing it mean it's going to look bad or fall apart before your side does? Since you are the one who cares so much about how things look, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Beckywiththebadhair · 09/10/2017 15:29

Op you are very lucky that I am not your neighbour. I would be furious and if you kept impeding my ROW I would start doing to same as you and park on the shared access to make sure I could leave when i needed to. I would of course move my car eaxh time you knock and ask. I would probably also park my husband's classic car with the leaky oil line on your new block paving.

Stop pissing your neighbour off.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/10/2017 16:49

I think you live opposite me op. Do you have a yappy dog and a face like a smacked arse?

5rivers7hills · 09/10/2017 17:08

Ha ha ha we've got a CF thread written by the cheeky fucker.

God knows why the stupid selfish fuckers (that's you OP and your husband) don't kid toark their cars on the street so the tradespeople can use the drive without blocking the driveway. Oh yeah, because you're a cheeky fucker.

sleeponeday · 09/10/2017 17:35

I'm afraid I have to agree with everyone else.

You haven't meant to be a terrible neighbour, because you've seen it as your drive, and your delivery area, which you have to allow the neighbour access to if he wants to get to his own property.

That's wrong.

You have a shared drive. You are blocking it constantly to spare yourself the inconvenience and hassle of moving your car(s) down the road and parking there, then walking back. You are displacing the hassle and inconvenience on to your neighbour, who is entirely reasonably really, really annoyed by now and doing that very British thing of making a passive aggressive point.

He hasn't done anything wrong, frankly. Nothing. You've probably made his life a bit of a misery, up to and including nagging him to change his own property to assist you in making your own more to your tastes, and now because he is finally pushing back, you're going to leave the drive you insisted on altering unfinished on his side.

I appreciate that you've been seeing this from your own perspective, and I sympathise with how blunt people have been on here - Mumsnet can be a horrible bandwagon of handbagging, sometimes. But... that doesn't make the main point wrong, which is that you've been a little bit selfish over all this. Why is your inconvenience so unacceptable that you think you should be able to displace it on to him? If you want home improvements, then you need to create parking outside your own property by moving your cars elsewhere, and not block the road for your neighbour. Why should he have to come and get you to move whenever he fancies popping out?

Arrowfanatic · 09/10/2017 18:05

I don't share a drive with my neighbour, but they seem to constantly have lorries and large vans delivering things or workmen in massive vans and they always park across my driveway and more than once I've been late for appointments or picking my kids up as I've needed to leave, and noticed a bloody great lorry mid delivery so of course they can't just jump in the cab easily to move. They can't have any house left the amount they've had done on It!! !! They see it as just a short delivery, might be less than half an hour but for me it's annoying, rude and inconsiderate and if it happens when I need to leave it's a nightmare.

MinervaSaidThar · 09/10/2017 18:26

He's being a twat, after you paid for his driveway. I would have left it as tarmac, it's fuck all to do with him. And definitely don't seal it.

And no frigging hamper for him or apology. The work is done. Next time he asks for a favour, tell him to jog on.

MinorRSole · 09/10/2017 18:34

*He's being a twat, after you paid for his driveway. I would have left it as tarmac, it's fuck all to do with him. And definitely don't seal it.

And no frigging hamper for him or apology. The work is done. Next time he asks for a favour, tell him to jog on.*

Are you reading the same thread?!

MinervaSaidThar · 09/10/2017 18:39

Yes, I get the deliveries are annoying. And OP or her H should move their cars if they're expecting deliveries (if there's space on the road).

I'm not suggesting OP treat him with animosity. But he did get a brand new drive, which can cost from £3k. He has benefitted enormously.

Now it's time to ignore him. He certainly doesn't deserve a hamper or any favours.

MinorRSole · 09/10/2017 18:46

But he didn’t want the drive! She certainly hasn’t done him any favours

MinervaSaidThar · 09/10/2017 18:57

Of course he wanted the drive!

OP didn't hold a gun to his head, did she?

He had 2 choices, OP does only her drive, or both their drives. He has no say on whether OP does her drive or not, it's her property. He was a being a twat.

And he was too miserable to thank her for it. So no more favours.

Iliketurtles · 09/10/2017 19:35

It would be really helpful if the OP could clarify the status of th shared drive. I think most of us are presuming that she does not own it 100% and that the ROW that she refers to is in fact part ownership and that the only person who currently thinks of it as her drive and a delivery area is the OP.

Regardless though, the OP is most people's idea of a nightmare neighbour, continually and without thought or consequence blocking her neighbour in or out of their home, I do hope you do the decnt thing and sort all of the drive that you had block paved so that your poor NDN can get their house on the market Wink

DarthMaiden · 09/10/2017 19:49

The OP hasn’t been back to this thread for some time now....I think whilst not a zombie it’s “on the turn” shall we say Smile

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