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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driveway wars - picture/diagram included

179 replies

woolythoughts · 05/10/2017 15:05

I don't thin IABU to want to do something but I have no idea what.

We share a drive way with a neighbour - basically he has to drive over our drive to get to his. When we block paved the drive we actually paid for his to be done as well in order that it looked aesthetically pleasing otherwise his would have been left as tarmac since he's a tight git who wont spend a penny he doesn't have to.

Anyway, the issue is we've been having quite a lot of work done over the last couple of years since we moved in - getting the house done how we want. This has meant quite a lot of deliveries and workers at the house at various times. Works have included:
converting the garage to a utility room
Landscaping and installing a pond in the garden
new kitchen
new bathrooms (three of them)
New bedrooms

Basically the whole house has been redone. I'm only saying this so that I can acknowledge that we have had a lot of workmen to and from the house. which I know can be annoying but we've tried to be as respectful as possible and haven't had anything done evenings, mornings or weekends.

The diagram shows the drives. When we are both at home, there are two cars on the drive (satellite image must have been when one of us was out) hence I've put the second car on the drive as a block.

We've always said, if there was ever a van or delivery blocking his exit, just to let us know and we'd get it moved so he could get out. Where possible, they park up tight to the fence opposite or where the second car would be but obviously cant if the second car is there or they have a big van.

Last couple of months, EVERY time we have something being delivered or someone working, he storms out of the house and says "I need to get off my drive now, please move".

it is literally EVERY time. I don't believe for one minute he's not doing this on purpose. Not sure if its jealousy as he always comments about "not another project", or "we can't afford that, we're retired" blah blah blah.

When you speak to his face to face he's nice as pie and claims he has no issues yet the next time someone is at the house, he kicks off again. The window cleaner pulled up this morning and 30 seconds after he got out the van, neighbour insists he has to leave RIGHT NOW.

I don't want to fall out, but its getting ridiculous.

Driveway wars - picture/diagram included
OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 05/10/2017 17:06

I think your mistake is saying in your OP that it's "your driveway" and he has to drive over it to get to "his" driveway.

It's a shared driveway in effect, as he has free access over it to get to his home.

Whatever the reason, you've had months and months of vehicles preventing the only vehicular access he has to his property.

In his shoes I'd be consulting a solicitor. A one-off we can all live with, but work vans there on and off for months is really unreasonable.

Deemail · 05/10/2017 17:07

You are been very unreasonable and a CF to boot.
Two years of blocking your neighbours drive and refusing to inconvenience yourselves by moving your own cars when you have deliveries AND insisting you change his driveway which he was happy with and now you refuse to complete the job.
All of the above is the behaviour of a bully. You need to apologise to your neighbour and stop taking advantage.

carelessproffessional · 05/10/2017 17:10

If you were my neighbour you'd have had a solicitor's letter long before now.

Incredibly entitled and bloody selfish. Your poor neighbour.

TeaAndToast85 · 05/10/2017 17:14

It's a shame that he hasn't felt able to talk to you about this directly and has gone down the pass-agg route, but I do sympathise with him. It is you that is causing the obstruction, so it is you that should be inconvenienced (by parking somewhere else). YABU. Ps good luck with renovations

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/10/2017 17:20

you did their side of the drive, not for their benefit but for your own idea of what's aesthetically pleasing - they didn't even want it and now you're not going to seal it?

Agree with category

It's going to look really aesthetically pleasing when it's full of nettles and dandelions!

BitOutOfPractice · 05/10/2017 17:21

I'm not entirely convinced that the "delivery area" (which isn't a "delivery area" it's a right of way) belongs to you OP. In fact I'd say check your deeds because I don't think it does.

Plus if it's a kitchen / bathroom fitter parking there it's not just deliveries is it? It'll be a van parked there for days on end.

No wonder your NDN is pissed off

AtHomeDadGlos · 05/10/2017 17:23

YABU and I also think that you need to pay to have his part of the drive sealed as you said you’d pay for it to be done. He might be tight, but you clearly wanted it done to look nice (in your opinion). Personally I hate block paved drives.

Butterymuffin · 05/10/2017 17:26

I do think that you should just seal the whole driveway when you get that done. Apart from anything else, it'll look shit when 'his' half gets more worn, and that will impact on the appearance of all of it. Not great if you come to sell.

JaneEyre70 · 05/10/2017 17:27

I'd be really fed up if this was a regular occurrence and think the onus is on you to keep your drive free for deliveries so you aren't causing anyone inconvenience. A little consideration goes a long way with neighbours.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2017 17:27

You sound quite a perfectionist and controlling tbh. You could have paved over your driveway only but instead you paid for his. You have now chosen what his house looks like. What does that say about you.?

And block paving is a pia. It needs regular weeding, sanding, demossing and cleaning. I don’t think you’ve done him any favours. And you’re blocking his access regularly to boot. The onus is on you to remove your cars from the drive so he can come and go as he pleases.

CheesyWeez · 05/10/2017 17:28

My neighbours have been doing work on their house for two years. Loft conversion, building a garage, renewing the patio, etc, one project after another. They are perfectly entitled to do it so I've never said anything, but it is annoying and unsettling that someone's banging about all the time.
If they had also been blocking the shared access I would be feeling upset and bullied.
They moved out a month ago and I was so happy!

BitOutOfPractice · 05/10/2017 17:28

Block paved driveways look nice for about 15 minutes. But weeding the bastard is the worst job in the world

Original poster
woolythoughts · 05/10/2017 17:32

No I hadn’t run off scared I was driving between client sites !

Ok, I take it I’m being unreasonable. This is the last piece of work though.

As for us forcing them to do their driveway. We wanted to block pave our side. They were trying to tell us we couldn’t because it would make side look shit as it really is all one area.

I agree it would have made theirs look shit but I didn’t see why we should have to not do ours so we offered three solutions they could choose between - we put up a fence and gate between ours and theirs to give a proper demarcation line at out expense, we do their drive as well, anything they could suggest other than the above.

And as for the the nosey one who wanted pictures - if I do that I’d be accused of either stealth boasting, bad taste and get the crap ripped out of me or something else!

OP posts:
Fudgefase · 05/10/2017 17:33

Two years living next to a building site would do my nut in too.

scottishdiem · 05/10/2017 17:33

Of course he is doing it on purpose. I suppose the question would be, why would you, on any given day, purposefully block his access?

user1499786242 · 05/10/2017 17:35

I think the person who said if it was posted about being the other way round on here everyone would be telling him to do the exact thing he is doing. Making a point.
It's his driveway, he should be able to have access at all times? I don't see how you think you aren't in the wrong??

Laiste · 05/10/2017 17:40

I'd seal their drive for them and then send them a massive xmas hamper or something with a lovely card saying sorry for the last 2 years, thank you for your patience, that was the last bit of work being done, we wont block the right of way between our houses ever again.

Humble pie OP.

CarlHickbread · 05/10/2017 17:41

OP, why can’t you move your car to allow access for work vans/deliveries?

DanutaJR1 · 05/10/2017 17:42

It may be annoying, but basically, it's his access, so he has the right to do this. You may have blocked him more than you realise, and now he has lost his rag. The answer, really, is don't block his access. He has the right to get in and out whenever he wants. He shouldn't have to ask you to move.

Emus · 05/10/2017 17:43

If it were me then I would be moving my car to the street and freeing up the two spaces for my workmen - that's a considerate thing to do anyway, especially as your house is a long term project. Sorry!

Allthebestnamesareused · 05/10/2017 18:01

In these situations where there is a right of way then the right of way should not be blocked. In situations where you know work is going to be done I fail to understand why your 2 vehicles were not parked out on the street/round the corner/next street to allow your workmen to use your driveway giving your neighbour the unfettered access which he is legally entitled to.

AJPTaylor · 05/10/2017 18:05

we shared a drive for years. neither us nor our neighbours blocked or parked on the shared bit in 12 years. if we had deliveries we moved our cars or checked with each other first.
its called being neighbourly

milliemolliemou · 05/10/2017 18:05

OP, bravo for coming back.

Make sure your neighbour can get out at any time of day or night even if it means your cars are on the road. And definitely the big Christmas hamper. And seal their drive.

Now cross your fingers that if your neighbours move out (in despair) the new owners don't do three bathrooms, a fish pond, kitchen, all bedrooms, landscaping - and ask you if they can get rid of the heavy upkeep stuff you've put down because they want to tarmac it but offer to do yours. Of course you'll be happy to just tap on their door if the vans/lorries/cars block you. And put up with the noise for two years. Current neighbours are retired, you work, so you won't be so distressed by the interference when the new neighbours charge in .

GlitteryFluff · 05/10/2017 18:07

I agree re hamper, sealing drive etc
It must have been quite draining for your neighbours to have building work going on for two years and never being able to just jump in the car and go out without having to ask someone to move a vehicle. They've been pretty decent through it, they deserve a thanks/sorry!

StealthNinjaMum · 05/10/2017 18:26

Well done for seeing that you're unreasonable.

It's an irrational thing but my neighbours had builders for a year and it used to annoy me when they even partially blocked my drive even if I didn't need to go in out so I can imagine i would be driven potty by two years of actually being blocked in.