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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driveway wars - picture/diagram included

179 replies

woolythoughts · 05/10/2017 15:05

I don't thin IABU to want to do something but I have no idea what.

We share a drive way with a neighbour - basically he has to drive over our drive to get to his. When we block paved the drive we actually paid for his to be done as well in order that it looked aesthetically pleasing otherwise his would have been left as tarmac since he's a tight git who wont spend a penny he doesn't have to.

Anyway, the issue is we've been having quite a lot of work done over the last couple of years since we moved in - getting the house done how we want. This has meant quite a lot of deliveries and workers at the house at various times. Works have included:
converting the garage to a utility room
Landscaping and installing a pond in the garden
new kitchen
new bathrooms (three of them)
New bedrooms

Basically the whole house has been redone. I'm only saying this so that I can acknowledge that we have had a lot of workmen to and from the house. which I know can be annoying but we've tried to be as respectful as possible and haven't had anything done evenings, mornings or weekends.

The diagram shows the drives. When we are both at home, there are two cars on the drive (satellite image must have been when one of us was out) hence I've put the second car on the drive as a block.

We've always said, if there was ever a van or delivery blocking his exit, just to let us know and we'd get it moved so he could get out. Where possible, they park up tight to the fence opposite or where the second car would be but obviously cant if the second car is there or they have a big van.

Last couple of months, EVERY time we have something being delivered or someone working, he storms out of the house and says "I need to get off my drive now, please move".

it is literally EVERY time. I don't believe for one minute he's not doing this on purpose. Not sure if its jealousy as he always comments about "not another project", or "we can't afford that, we're retired" blah blah blah.

When you speak to his face to face he's nice as pie and claims he has no issues yet the next time someone is at the house, he kicks off again. The window cleaner pulled up this morning and 30 seconds after he got out the van, neighbour insists he has to leave RIGHT NOW.

I don't want to fall out, but its getting ridiculous.

Driveway wars - picture/diagram included
OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 05/10/2017 15:38

What Bellybean said!

It does sound like he's being a dick deliberately.

BewareOfDragons · 05/10/2017 15:41

Why are you not moving your own car(s) out if you know there will be delivery vehicles or work vehicles coming...?

callmeadoctor · 05/10/2017 15:41

Bless him, sounds like he has reached the end of his tether. Not to mention had his drive changed to match yours when he didn't really want to. I would be going round with a bottle for him and asking delivery men to park in your drive (and you move your car for the day while work is "still" being done Sad

DarthMaiden · 05/10/2017 15:42

It sounds to me that he’s fed up with long term disruption and is deliberately trying to make a point.

To be fair, as much as you feel you have tried to be considerate it must be frustrating to have your access impeded so frequently. Constantly feeling that you have to “check” if you can get out of your own driveway would be very annoying and even if you get the access cleared quickly, he still has to ask, wait for the vehicle to be moved every single time - meaning a 5/10 minute delay that he shouldn’t even have to factor into his plans.

I’d suggest that what you should really do is move one of your cars elsewhere to allow for space for these scheduled deliveries to take place, thus not inconveniencing your neighbour.

As it stands you are expecting your drive/access not to be impinged for reasons solely to your benefit and for your neighbour to be inconvenienced.

It’s also not clear if you have a garage. If so I’d say the above points are doubly true, when the obvious solution is to put one or both cars in the garage to allow space to deliveries.

Desperad0 · 05/10/2017 15:42

I feel your pain! our neighbors have access over our drive and despite the fact they have other access (weird old converted barns) they had to get something delivered that had to go down our drive the last 3 times we were on holiday.

Could you try speaking to him and saying there will be a van here between say 9 and 3 mon to fri this week- if you're going to need the car please feel free to move it to our 2nd spot before then so you can get in and out no problems?

BabsGanoush · 05/10/2017 15:43

YABU. You should make sure work vans park in your space even if it means moving your car up the road. Yo u should always explain to the trades your arrangement to keep your neighbour happy.

However, I would assume he is being difficult. It's hard when you live next door to retiree's as they never go out (speaks from experience) so you are always going to disturb them.

He should have considered this when buying the house. Or you could drive two big vans which would be unsightly and block his view.....in fact, do you know anyone looking to store a caravan???

callmeadoctor · 05/10/2017 15:43

You have made him have his drive changed to suit you and now you won't seal it? (that seems a bit mean Sad )

Sparklingbrook · 05/10/2017 15:43

YY I agree that if deliveries etc are coming you should move your own cars then the deliveries can park on your drive.

Feel a bit sorry for your neighbour, it would drive me mad.

callmeadoctor · 05/10/2017 15:46

In the meantime, can you show us your pictures of inside work? (Entirely nosey Grin )

ArbitraryName · 05/10/2017 15:46

We're getting our kitchen done and I just park elsewhere so that the vans can use our driveway without causing the neighbours problems.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 05/10/2017 15:47

You're being really unreasonable, you're repeatedly blocking his access. Stop it, and find a way to leave space on your drive if you're having work done.

Floralnomad · 05/10/2017 15:47

YABVU , you cannot block his drive / access to his house for any length of time hence he is within his rights to ask you to move . Quite honestly if he does actually go out , drive round the block and come back it sounds like he has reached the end of his tether with you . One of the many reasons why I wouldn't buy a house with a shared drive / shared access , because a neighbour like you would drive me insane .

whatatod0 · 05/10/2017 15:47

we have this with our neighbours, but we are the ones being blocked in. It is v annoying and inconsiderate. Once or twice yes, ok, but over time it becomes very annoying. I am afraid I just sit in my car and honk the horn now until the workmen move their vans.
so yes, yabvu.

Majormanner · 05/10/2017 15:48

hes probably fed up and that I can understand. Its not been short term has it. Move your cars and get the deliveries on the doorstep so he cant kick off

whatatod0 · 05/10/2017 15:48

oh, and please finish his driveway off.

PersilOrAriel · 05/10/2017 15:49

I think YABU. Inconvenience yourself by leaving your car elsewhere and do not inconvenience him. I'd be hopping mad in his shoes.

blankface · 05/10/2017 15:49

We've always said, if there was ever a van or delivery blocking his exit, just to let us know and we'd get it moved so he could get out

I know you think you are being reasonable, but ...

However, when you are in his situation of not being able to go out at all for weeks on end without having to at least check your legal ROW is clear after so many times of it being blocked, it becomes an enormous, more than inconvenient pain in the backside.

He is just showing you exactly what it's like for him, being unable to move freely and having to stop what you're doing and go and ask for someone who shouldn't be there in the first place to move.

Check your legal documents, it should say words to the effect of he has unobstructed access at all times which means 24/7
Not that he needs to ask you to move so he can get in and out every time he wants to for - how long has it been now and how long will it continue?

He's had enough OP, sorry, you need to apologise and to comply and stop obstructing his access.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2017 15:51

I think yabu. If you are expecting deliveries you should move your car(s) to make space.

I imagine if he had delivery vans blocking your access as often as you've blocked his you would be pissed off too.

As an aside, whilst I understand why you block paved his drive, I don't think it was fair to basically lumber him with the extra maintenance it requires over tarmac. You say he agreed "reluctantly" which doesn't sound as though he really wanted you to do it at all.

category12 · 05/10/2017 15:51

I think you sound a bit smug and entitled - you did their side of the drive, not for their benefit but for your own idea of what's aesthetically pleasing - they didn't even want it and now you're not going to seal it?

If you're having deliveries, make a space for them yourself and leave their access free - you've been doing this for 2 years and loads of work done, loads of inconvenience for your neighbours - you're the CF here, I'm afraid.

GloriousGoosebumps · 05/10/2017 15:53

I know you've said that your neighbour can't get on and off his drive without physically driving over your driveway but does he actually have a legal right to do so? I was wondering whether his house was originally built without a driveway but rather than pay for a drop curb in front of his house he has simply been driving over your/ your seller's driveway? You need to check your deeds because the best answer for you would be to have proof that he doesn't have a right of way.

RainbowPastel · 05/10/2017 15:54

If I was him I would have had enough. You can't block access to his drive because you are having a delivery or some work done. You are being very unreasonable. Why should he have to ask you to move every time he wants to get in or out?

PickleSarnie · 05/10/2017 15:54

YABU and inconsiderate - constant blocking of what is HIS drive too is really unfair. You could park your cars somewhere else on the days you have tradespeople coming round/deliveries.

This is why I will never buy a house with a shared drive again (and I share the drive with two other houses of lovely and considerate people)

yorkshireyummymummy · 05/10/2017 15:54

I have been this position. I was your neighbour though.
Yes, it's highly annoying when you have to ask for something to be moved so you can get in / out of your own drive. It always seemed to happen when it was raining too. And sometimes you have to wait as tradesman does not just stop what he is doing and run to move van. So it is frustrating.
However I would never have got them to move just for the hell of it. That's nasty, and pathetic frankly, and it sounds like that is what he is doing.
I would go and see him, tell him you are having X done and this will take Y days and then ask him what you can do to help him- does he want to park his car in your drive, does he want to know in advance so he can park on the road etc. Put the ball in his court. He will say that he doesn't want the van parked where it currently parks. Be honest and straight and tell him that's not an option. You are having this work done, you have to have the van there and you are trying your best to help him as you have noticed he seems frustrated with the situation.

TOP TIP Never ever buy a house with shared driveways/access/ right To go over someone's land etc. It never ever works and always ends in arguments. We did it once and never again. We pulled out of a sale once because of the right to pass over someone else's land for access - people don't like you going on" their land" and people with a right to get to their property don't like it when they can't get to it.

wifeyhun · 05/10/2017 15:57

I think maybe he is at the end of his tether thats all.

We have a very similar set up to you we own the end house except we own all the drive way and have to allow next door access to their drive.

We never ever block it and if we have work men we ask they park out on the street.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2017 15:58

I would go and see him, tell him you are having X done and this will take Y days and then ask him what you can do to help him- does he want to park his car in your drive, does he want to know in advance so he can park on the road etc.

Or, stop being inconsiderate and park their own cars on the road. It is their work causing a problem, not his.

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